The Frugal Guide to a Decadent Solo Christmas

It's probably not a totally frugal day if you follow all these things, but what's the point of being frugal all year if you never get to enjoy it? Also, feeling gloomy often peaks at this time of year, and I am a great fan of living my best life, so, here goes. (Besides, since frugality is a habit for you and I, even the decadent days will be good value.)

Preparation in the days before:
1. Get the grocery shopping out of the way. Preferably do it early in the morning when the shop first opens so you don't have to deal with the hordes of people who all believe it should be done one hour before closing on Christmas Eve. Or be like me and do it at 3.30pm on Sunday and marvel all over again at all the idiots shopping late on a Sunday afternoon (me included).

2. Buy yourself something nice for Christmas lunch. Screw tradition, just get something you enjoy eating. This opens up a host of opportunities in single servings - if you want to eat a roast beef hot pot ready meal for one, do it. Nobody else will be leering at your lunch so get whatever you want. This also frees you from the pressure to buy a turkey, when even the smallest joints are eye-wateringly expensive. I bought a tiny ham, just because I can. And potatoes, which I rarely cook. And brussels sprouts, which to my Aussie self don't even seem Christmassy but hey once a year why not.

3. Get a dessert. It's 2018 and if you go to a large supermarket, you will find they are available in budget ranges, in dozens of flavours, and in serving sizes for one (or one for today and one for leftovers). I bought a budget trifle which I will no doubt struggle to finish before it's out of date. And ice cream, and chocolate, which I will not struggle to finish, but which are important.

4. Get snacks. Then get even more snacks. At this point remember that you'll eat too much and won't want nearly as much as you can greedily drool over. Opt to buy less, or at least make it healthy, like some nicer fruit than you'd normally splash out for, or a Christmas cake that will keep for quite a while. Also cheese and crackers. And a spare Christmas cake.

Pretty.

5. If you're having a quiet tipple then skip tradition again and just buy what you will enjoy. You can break rules and drink white wine with a steak if that's what you want to do! You're the boss for the day. Fancy fruit juice, or soft drink, is also acceptable if you're not drinking. It is a good excuse to chill the bottle of Prosecco I got from work. However it might be a bit meh to drink that alone, so I bet that the vodka and fruit juice that I've already got ends up favourite.

6. Give something for the food banks. Yes we're skint, but someone else is worse off, so drop in a handful of items from your cupboard that you'll never eat - and if those don't exist, the items that food banks always need are tinned ham/fish or hygiene items. Tinned cherries and exotic food are never going to be king at my place so perhaps someone else can use them.

7. Go home and thoroughly clean and tidy your home. Get a load of laundry done. Do the washing up. Put up the tree even though you thought you couldn't be bothered.

On the day:

1. Sleep in - it's free, it's decadent, and you don't have to answer to anyone today!

2. Get out of bed and enjoy your gift to yourself - a lovely tidy home and the freedom to do whatever you please for a whole day. Switch on your Christmas tree lights and think about how pretty it is. Relax over coffee and check in on social media, realise that a lot of your friends are having similarly uneventful days merely because (surprise!) a lot of them are single, working, not from a Christian background, or just not crazy about Christmas. Feel good about being a bit normal after all. Different strokes.

3. Eat something cheap for breakfast, it'll make you feel at peace with your luxury lunch. On Christmas day, chocolate is allowed at any time, including with your breakfast. Dress up in something that makes you feel good. Or stay in your pyjamas all day, if you want, just because you can.

4. Send nice texts to anyone who deserves a text. Call or text anyone who you know might be struggling today.

5. Watch the Queen's speech, because it's tradition, or something. You may accompany this with a drink if you wish.

6. Think about making your lunch. Do this anytime you please, since it's your day, and if you want to eat Doritos while scrolling through Facebook first, you're allowed.

7. Put the radio on, on a station with real humans talking and playing Christmas music. Yeah, you're at home solo but some people have to WORK! Be glad all over again about having a day off.

8. Burn a scented candle. Rub your itchy eyes. Be determined not to be allergic. Burn some incense. Pop an allergy pill. Deny, deny, deny.

9. Watch something of your choosing. If you want to watch Home Alone, do it. If you prefer Nightmare Before Christmas, then not only do I think it's a solid choice but you instantly gain Cool Points. If you, like me, love a good mindless documentary, then Channel 4 has a three-part one all about the Pound Stretcher stores which kills several hours and is vaguely interesting.

I did not follow my own advice and struggled to finish it.

10. At some point, actually make your meal. Make it less huge than you first want to so that you can fit dessert, fruit, cheese and crackers, chocolate and ice cream. Eat all of these things if you want to. Take a pic of your lunch. Meditate on whether you bother to Instagram it.

11. Consider donning the Christmas earrings (or an errant piece of tinsel) for a Christmas Snapchat photo.

12. Food coma time. Nap optional.

13. Play computer games. Chocolate.

14. Stay up late.

15. Eat leftovers.

16. Compose blog post.




Plate contents: Tesco orange-topped ham joint (cold), budget Christmas spuds and sprouts, small steamed onion (all cooked in microwave, in microwave soup cups), budget range coleslaw and spiced red pickled cabbage, budget range gravy (tip: make this up with a sliver of a stock cube for extra flavour). Approximate cost £1.30. Budget-priced? Yes. Missing out? Heck no!