Kitchen Shenanigans

So I vaguely had in mind to cook properly from scratch once a week and also bake something once a week. But this is me. 😂 I will say it was immensely satisfying to rejig my kitchen and it now feels like a room I like using again. ✅ 

The first Monday I bought Carrot Cake fixings and then realised I'd forgotten cream cheese for the icing. 😑 I made Courgette Muffins instead. They worked, but were too heavy on the veg so were overly moist rather than chocolatey. We both did eat some, but they didn't keep well and a few ended up binned.

For dinner I tried hamburger patties on the frypan (I haven't used the stove top for years!) and they were a big hit with Little X. ✅

I also made a dessert, white choc marshmallow with cereal pressed in. This was amazing. It's Rice Crispy Bars from the supermarket except more, and however you prefer it. I just made it up as I went along. Little X ate some but absolutely hated the sunflower seeds and that caused some drama. 🎭

The second week I cooked Tuna Mornay. This ended up with "mmmmmm" at high volume 😂 so I think we found another food she'll eat. We also had meatballs in savoury rice - not from scratch really but another food she will eat. ✅  For baking I made banana bread tonight. Ladies and gentlemen it's the fluffiest cake I think I've ever eaten. It's definitely delicious but the jury is out as to whether a cake this soft will stay edible after 2 days.

If it lasts that long.

She also enjoyed fresh pikelets this week. 😋 

I now have 5 defaults and 2 more say they will default me. As they do so, I am beginning a £2/month payment to each one. To my great surprise one debt recovery company wrote to me accepting £2 a month as an ongoing arrangement 😲 despite me not asking if that was OK 😲 and it isn't even the smallest debt. I am now hoping others do the same - they manage 3 other debts of mine so we shall see. 🤞

Microwave is an absolute disaster and I'm using it as little as possible. Air fryers are on sale this week for £25 🤔 and I am also pondering a £6 saucepan since I don't own one. And a £7 frypan as both mine are awful. 🤔 

The Decluttering Secret

I have decluttered about 90 bags or boxes of things from my home. Ultimately, I am aiming for 100, and I am now at the point where I can see everything left to pare down, in about 6 crates. 💪

So what's the secret? It's not what I always thought. I had always thought that hoarders are unnaturally attached to things of no value. But no. It is about being realistic with yourself. 

It's losing the "scarcity" mentality. The knee-jerk reaction to never discarding anything because you don't have enough of something and you equate "not having it" to deprivation, either physically, or mentally. 

I had a shocking habit of buying or salvaging anything I might need in future, doing it because I knew I might not have the money to buy it later, or it was an opportunity for me to sell it and earn money. Well guess what, stuff is not useful while cluttering up your valuable space. It's not helpful when you aren't touching it for months. And it isn't worth ANY money while sat in your house.

I took a more honest look at myself, was I really going to use it, fix it or sell it? If I'd had it a year, the chances I'd touch it were pretty slim, so I gathered my adulting and got rid - I'd just deal with buying one if need be. And I didn't need multiple projects that I wasn't completing. One or two is enough! 

This morning I binned a dozen microfibre cloths and ten tea towels. I can surely find a couple of pounds when they wear out. I literally threw five quid in the bin but gained a cupboard for the next five years. That's a win, imagine, a nice clear cupboard for one pound per year! Two pence a week... that's nothing. It's repeated every time I clear space. And it's an absolute bargain for how the clear space benefits my mental well-being. 🙏 

Funky Few Days

While scrubbing, sorting and tidying my bathroom paraphernalia I contemplated just how many invisible and unaccountable home maintenance tasks just exist. What a ridiculous amount of cleaning and tidying and stuff-organisation we have to do, tasks which leave absolutely no evidence you even did them. 🤔 And also for renovations. I will continue to scrub, spray, scrape, wipe, wash, prime, paint, install, and voilà. And at the end it will be a nice looking old bay window with nice features, but no indication of all the work involved or how it used to look.

It's being delayed right now as my knee has decided to cease functioning as a useful joint, so the ladder isn't happening. I've painted part with primer. It reeks, and there's not a way to keep the smell away from Little X, so I'm not doing the whole lot in one go. I also lifted the carpet in one corner. It's herringbone parquetry floor 😲 which should be a no-brainer to show off, but it's not level and would be freezing cold. I might remove a strip of walkway of it, see if it's good enough to paint white. Might.

I own far too many cleaning cloths, hand towels and tea towels. Perhaps I would have known this if I'd actually sorted out my washing pile before now. I really could solve linens taking up too much room by culling most of the spares...

Still procrastinating on my paperwork. Must find motivation.

Avoidance As Standard

My renovation to-do list is not short, and somehow it seems easier to do the physical work than the paperwork-y admin-y things. I've done some more stripping, scrubbing, filling holes and sanding. Oh, and spraying, wiping, scrubbing, and mopping walls and floors. The lino in the kitchen defies cleaning. I am eyeing up new lino flooring, it would only cost me around £40 for that room, but so far, I'm making myself slow down and am doing one project at a time. (I may or may not have also priced up new lino for the bathroom floor too. And vinyl to cover the bathroom tiles. Ahem.)

Little X had her last day at nursery. 😢 But at least I took advantage of that time, to get some handiwork done. We are now potty training. So far it's a disaster. Give me strength to keep up with the washing! 🙏 

Good girl: I have actually depleted my freezer for the first time in about a year. It only has dregs of things, enough to feed kidlet for another few dinners.

Hugely annoying: Little X was almost climbing out of her mini cot 😒 so, grrr, I've had to take the side off before she fell out. This sucks, as I've had to move most of my storage to stop her getting into it all while I'm asleep. Everything touchable has had to go in the dining area, beyond the baby gate. The flat is back to "all furniture shoved stupidly wherever it fits". Sigh. I need to re-gather my enthusiasm for having even less stuff, so that I can have even less furniture.

Spendy McSpenderson: I decided against the rigmarole of installing net curtains. IKEA had some ridiculously cheap blinds (which are, honestly, cheap, flimsy-looking, ridiculous and £4 each) but I've bought them and I will see whether I'll get away with them. 🙏 

High Ceilings: Boooo.

I don't recommend these, for reasons of painting and extra heating bills, but primarily for my current trial of hanging wallpaper. At 2pm on Tuesday I decided there was plenty of time to hang one length before nursery pick-up time at 3. Gentle Reader, I was wrong. 😂

I'm currently irritable because said nursery is breaking up 2 days before the end of term, meaning she only gets 2 more sessions. I have 7 lengths of papering to do (circa 4-5 hours) plus the stripping and prepping around the windows, which is a horrendous job. If I manage those two things, it's the best I can expect. I will have to do all painting with kiddo in the flat. I did most of the first coat at night, but good daylight really would have been better for painting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

With each task and tidy out I move another piece of furniture. Things are almost in logical places, which is a first in several years. My flat almost looks like a normal flat, planned and arranged with purpose, instead of a "space where you shove things wherever they fit".

Just as I'm feeling ready to sell it, it feels like a home. 😂

Win: I went to German Supermarket and spent £25 to get my free £5 voucher. 👏 I also got a free savoury rice packet and a free big bag of cheese curl crisps that Little X likes. I also... ahem... bought two Monstera plants for £6 each (Swiss Cheese plants) which don't yet have their characteristic leaf holes but do still look lovely. 😍

Plus: £50 has been credited to my council tax account as expected. 👍 They also finally processed my application for general support and are sending £100 - no idea when. 👍

A Pressie, Of Sorts

I got a letter from Personal Loan Bank which was a strange surprise. They say they won't be taking legal action and that the Notice of Default they sent last week, warning of possible legal action, was only sent to me because they had to, by law. No other bank has sent such a "no need to panic" - type letter like this. 🤔  It's the only bank I owe five figures to, so this was nice to read.

I haven't caught up with my money podcasts for months (or the weekly money-saving emails) and I kept thinking I must get around to them all. But truth be told, I haven't found anything in them that I need in a long time. I've been poverty-level hesitant to spend for years, but now it's more that I just don't want any more stuff coming into my home. Not a bad thing! 😂 

Another set of shelves given away today too. 👍

Spent half an hour with a British Gas idiot. No thanks I don't need to change my home circumstances on your register, please just reissue my bill because with the updated meter read I supplied a week ago, and my missed smart meter installation credit of £40, I should be in credit. That painful explanation convo took 15 minutes of text. .. I'm now £20 in credit so at least they'll stop sending bill renunders. But he still forgot the £40 that I specifically asked him to do. Then when I asked how long those £40 credits normally take to show up, he asked if it was an appointment for installing a boiler. No mate, a smart meter, like I told you. I don't usually give a poor rating for CSAs but I'm afraid that asking for my bank statement (yes, he asked for my bank statement, wtf) helped Dhruv score a 3/10.

Quietly confident that Little X's digestion is recovered. Another few rounds of toast, dry cereal and crackers, just to make sure. 

Minor Derailment

Little X has a tummy bug and while she's in good spirits, the exclusion period is probably going to mean she misses at least a day of nursery. This is so bloody irritating on limited "messy renovation work" time. 

I have 1.5 walls left to prep and am downgrading to "basic prep" with self-adhesive grey patterned wallpaper for the longest wall. Nobody cares about decor in a "renovator's dream", I just need to upgrade from "bare ugly wall" level so that it almost looks like it's immediately habitable. Just got to sand and wash without a small person in attendance, then paint the other walls, which are ready to go. 

I had a brilliant win yesterday offloading twelve bags to the baby bank, who were just fine with taking it all. It wasn't even all of it. I stopped myself at 3 lots of nappies. There's still six bin bags on my bed ready to go, but I'll give them a few weeks to recover first! 😂 It also marks three quarters of the total stuff I am aiming to offload - 75 bags. 🎉 

Little X is growing so fast and I'm increasingly conscious she's getting older. It's a good reminder to keep me motivated, we need a more suitable home, and it's time. I can do this.

Smart meter installation booked for this week - I'm in two minds but it at least gives me more insight to my electricity usage. 

All The Eggs!

That title isn't related to the post, it's just something Norri says in excitement when discussing her Shakshuka breakfast on Hey Duggee. This past few days it feels like I got all the green lights. 

Anyway. Work has kindly let me out of my notice period and Nursery has kindly done the same, and allowed Little X just to attend for 6h on funded ("free") hours from now. So starting next week I'll have six weeks to tidy and clear out. I keep talking about this but it's on my mind a lot as I want to move furniture and can't really do that until I have a kiddo-free flat - so next week it begins.

The great big minus is that it's six months since I lost my mum. It feels like it happened to another person. It feels both totally detached and yet very raw, and both yesterday and a century ago. It feels both sharp reality and just a bad dream.

I follow a lady who kindly calls herself an Uninfluencer, she is utterly normal and unaffected, which is why people like her. This week she posted a tidbit about herself. She said that six years ago she lost her mum and became acutely aware that her own time was finite and she wasn't using her time on earth in meaningful ways. She wasn't doing all the things she wanted to do "someday" and felt she needed to reprioritise to avoid having regrets. Within 12 months she gave away her stuff, quit her job, sold her house and went in another direction. That resonates with me. I don't have the "new direction" chosen physically, but I am steering my life in a new way. Financially and in terms of my home space and possessions.

What I liked most is that she has stuck with her new way of life for five years. It gives me hope. I have always struggled to make changes stick and right now I am amazed at still having decluttering motivation. A workmate, who also lost someone, reflected that when you lose someone you decide what's important, and that work doesn't "matter" anymore in the scheme of things, and I understood.

I am looking forward to building a purposeful life. For almost 50 years I have coasted along and it's time to only do what matters. It's time to get further into my own chosen stride and stop doing the dumb things others do without thinking. 

UC Shenanigans

UC declined to pay for my childcare from the Flexible Support Fund due to a dumb technicality, meaning I had 3 working days to magic the money. They then decided to waste time instead of processing a budgeting loan. I managed to get it done on the phone today in four minutes flat (nice work call centre, thank you) and I should have it in a couple of days. I then got an automated message in my journal that it's approved, with details of my repayment schedule, followed by a human response 10h later that I'm not eligible for it. I hope the latter is a dumb mistake, but it's so bloody annoying! I've fired off a rant and demanded a mandatory reconsideration - I want to knock out my maintenance arrears as well. UC should then also reimburse the child care in around a month under the standard deal. Touch wood.

I've felt really flat for the past week and I'm mentally drained. I'm still struggling just to give things away when a little voice is trying to tell me to stop and sell it. I got so fed up with this "property anchor" clutter that I've just deactivated my Vinted page and loaded up five bags for the charity shop. 👏

I bought a toasted sandwich maker yesterday to make pancakes in, and it's beyond disappointing - it is just so slow that it's impractical, 20 minutes to even vaguely look done. Once I recover from the disappointment I might try as thin crepes.

I did manage to sell my dining table + 2 chairs, for £20 (I never used it) and gifted them two extra folding chairs as well. I have someone coming to buy my white wardrobe for £25 - when you never open it, you don't need it OR its contents. 😂 I will be glad of a little bit more space.

Invoices and Paradigm Shifts

I have received my first childcare invoice and am in the process of having it reimbursed by Universal Credit. And apparently, I also have the option of a budgeting advance of £800. The world doesn't end if they say no, but it would feel good to have my maintenance arrears taken care of. It would help motivate me to get the flat ready for sale.

Along those lines I did a big shop at German Supermarket on UC day and while I was there I spotted paint for £13. In white. So I bought two. It was like cementing a major decision, yes, I'm now mentally committed to a very minor flat makeover. It's like putting lipstick on a pig, but first impressions matter, and it might mean £1,000 more on the sale price. 🙏

The grocery component came to £42, which is on the high side. It was intentional though... In my new mindset of not clinging to every object, I'm also relaxing the vice grip on penny-pinching. There's so many things I've denied myself and Little X which are beyond fair. This week she's had fruits and nuts she's never tried before. Party rings. Flavoured crisps. Orange squash. I know a toddler doesn't need all this every day, but it's well overdue for her to have a touch of normality. I don't want her to grow up terrified of spending every penny. I will still choose budget options, but no more basic denial of entire food groups.

Bought: £100 voucher for above-mentioned German Supermarket, then Everup had a 6.25% offer for Fave Mainstream Supermarket so I spent another £100 on that. Between them I got loads of points and played them through the games, ended up with £13 in the account for my next voucher. These vouchers also help steer me away from Nearby Less Cheap Supermarket. 👍

Actionism

I'm sure that's not a word, but it was my attempt not to accidentally re-use a previous heading. Anyway, twice this week after taking Little X to nursery and hacking up a lung, I Got Stuff Done™, two major pieces of furniture are emptied and ready for sale, several items are ready to give away, a huge bag of stuff went into the bin and I gathered 9 bags for charity. I donated them this afternoon and it felt really good to be free of them. I even managed two loads of washing. 😇

The milestone is that a quarter of my excess stuff is now gone. I am aiming for 100 bags and that's 25 done. 💪

Debt Charity asked why I hadn't paid my May instalment and I snapped back with the cancellation agreement they sent me in March. I then got an enquiry of was I having problems affording the May payment or had something happened to affect my budget? I had to shout (in text) to make them try reading what I sent them, and that they clearly hadn't cancelled things like they promised. So that was entertaining. The first bank has actually notified me they've defaulted 🎉 although I can't see it anywhere on my credit files yet. It's still a waiting game. 

Feeling: energised. 

The Opportunities

I need to (re) start seeing unfortunate situations as opportunities. I had a tiny win today in that missing work gave me a child-free day to clear out junk. Not having so many clothes will let me have less furniture and more space: that's the next one I hope to achieve.

Spending money on disposable nappies frees up my washer, my time and my space. This is a sacrifice I should have made earlier. It also makes me take my rubbish out in a timely manner. 

Mr Money Mustache said: Wear the tight trousers. If your trousers are too tight, and you solve that issue by buying bigger clothes, you have lost the chance to lose weight, feel better, improve your health and save money. I need to feel uncomfortable right now in my dingy, cluttered, too-small, ugly and messy flat. It is the impetus to, not vaguely aim to spend on renovation slowly over a period of ten years, but to cut my losses, concentrate on what matters, and improve my life. Even if it's not earning me a profit. If it was going to be doable to capitalise and profit, I've had long enough, so I need to accept that it just isn't in me.

I am a work in progress! 

It's Just So Uncomfortable.

I could apply the title to a lot of things right now but for the very least, still being horridly sick and not having much money at hand. And they're related. I've lost £300 from this stupid lurgy and that would have paid almost half what I owe for maintenance charges. More than that, it's uncomfortable seeing only double digits in the bank. It isn't really a big drama, there's not really anything I urgently need and it's almost UC day, it's just weird.

I had been determined to replace the microwave this week. But for the thousandth time I wonder why I made plans at all, when this is me, and shit always goes wrong to ruin plans. I've made a (small) decision not to do any flat remodelling before sale so that expense has been removed from my list. I've also removed the "next car" fund since I can keep this car till it dies then use emergency funds. The list still seems overwhelming and ridiculous. It seems like the bottom ones will never happen because of the top ones - and new ones which will inevitably be inserted, like the maintenance charge for 2026, etc. 

What practical things did I do of late? Little X was in nursery today and while the house was empty I did some housework. I rearranged some things to give me space to move, sorted some items that I may sell, threw out four bags of clothes and junk, and put one bag into the car for donating. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 The biggest win was emptying a large "junk bag", I have a terrible habit of throwing junk into a bag that I don't want to deal with, and then it just becomes part of the furniture. It felt good to put most of it in the bin, to actually dispose of things that were still technically useful but which I simply do not need. I think it comes down to this: if a buyer came along and I could take just one car load and move, leaving all the other "stuff" in here behind, would I go? And it's yes. I keep stuff in fear of a scarcity which does not match my actual needs. I need to break this habit and live more simply, with less. 

I Could Have

... pushed through and gone to work today. We're both snotty, but on the mend. I know that if we'd gone in, she'd be stumbling around exhausted at nursery, unable to get herself to relax. It was the right decision even though I feel lazy.

I'm second-guessing my vague game plan of having all ducks in a row then selling my flat. I'm wishing it was sold already. Maybe I'd be better off slapping paint over the rough walls, decluttering and selling without moving first. 🤔 It would be worth less, but possibly be better for us overall. 

I haven't decided about that... but I have decided to stop with reusable nappies. They take up too much space and they're becoming less pleasant as kiddo ages. I did my bit. (Ye gods am I becoming like a Boomer, I'm older now so who cares about the environment?)

The new perspective on stuff: I had originally bought more furniture to store my stuff. Now I want the furniture gone because it has allowed me to have too much stuff. I need to be less attached to keeping things "just in case" or because "it's worth something". 🤔

One more card issuer has closed my account. The debt charity is still sending me statements and behaving as if our (cancelled) arrangement is still full-steam ahead... Several banks are still referencing the (cancelled) debt management plan (including the bank which has handed by debt over to a debt collection company). Nobody seems bothered that this DMP isn't actually doing anything. I'm kinda intrigued how long this odd limbo will go on. 

Can I?

While I spend many hours calculating where my money is going to (and then some), I know from experience that Things Happen™, and it's irritating. I can figure out what I'll be able to save in theory, but then unexpected things upset the budgetary apple cart. Little X might love nursery and I might feel organised and energetic and I may work extra days. Or the reverse could be true.

At a rough calculation, on current known figures, I decided I might be ready to do the first half of my renovation in January 2027. That's really irritating and frustrating. It seems like as each major expense gets knocked out, some other one will step in and take its place, sucking all the spare pounds away to things that don't benefit me in the slightest. I must try to harness that feeling to work harder to earn money and get ahead with my savings.

I redid my widget thingy because it was a pain changing every item every week. The figures make an enormous total. How do people, like, live? Those aren't even things I want for myself, or in any way crazy or extravagant, but on my tiny income they look ridiculous. It's a bit demoralising.

I know this mood is just a blip. I'm trying not to dwell on these realities and get on with, well, life. This too shall pass. 

Dumb Things

This piece of musical brilliance is in honour of today's shopping escapades. I went to Big Bargain Shop to spend the rest of the credit on my perks card and bought too much to fit in my freezer. Then for Everything Else at German Supermarket, I overspent and emptied the cash in my purse, forcing me to whip out the debit card. It was only £4, but I'm irritated, we do not need to buy £54 of groceries in one day! 

We toured another child care centre today and despite being pricy, it's the winner. I can claim from the whole fee, there are no extras, and they've offered to let me pay in instalments. ♥️ It's a lovely, kind environment and (winner!) most kids DIY lunch from home so Little X would not be the only one. ♥️ Time to lock the days in with Boss. I did buy markers, plain labels and snack boxes for Little X's nursery lunch, and a small backpack. 

I also decided to buy her a set of table and chairs, crayons and paper. Lately it feel like she's sorta missing out on certain things and experiences. I refuse to do paint or play doh (I'm sure she'll do those at nursery) but she can certainly learn to sit on a chair and scribble with a crayon. I must summon the confidence to put her into the Beach Play group in May and take her down to the sand and water play area nearby. 

I know that nursery is why I went nuts on shopping. She's not even starting full days for another 2 weeks, but I'm paranoid about packing lunches that look "acceptable" 🤦🏻‍♀️ and in her getting used to a broader range of foods. I suppose I just want my small human to be like every other kid, even though she is stuck with me! 

Anyway. Debt Charity have acknowledged my cancellation (good). It looks as though I will get a small cost-of-living payment in April (good) and hopefully the Nationwide bank bonus as well as their annual Fair Share bonus (not sure, they've promised me the first one, but I kinda owe them loads of money). Food research says I will get my payment soon. April is looking good, now to see what sort of debt letters turn up...

Horse-Holding

I was looking at the home page of a nearby preschool, wondering if they might take Little X next year so that I could return to work when she's older. To my surprise they take babies and their fees are very low. I have RSVP'd for their open night which just happens to be next week. They're full at present. Realising that they might not be the only ones though, I contacted two more. One has definite space (woo) and has invited me to visit (woo) but they are not cheap (boo). 👏 It's a five minute drive away, but like the first place I visited, parking is 💩 so it looks as though I will need to invest in a waterpoof jacket if the centre looks good. I think despite the cost and inconvenience, I will need to go ahead. 

Six toddler-sized toy cars arrived in the mail, thank you sis. They are a huge hit and a very-tired Little X began crying tonight as she wanted to pick up all 6 to show me, but couldn't manage to get them all into her hands at once. 😂 It was absolutely adorable. She is obsessed. I may need to hide three of them for a while to manage the frustration.

Council tax bill is only £22 per month. 👏 I have bought supermarket vouchers to get the cashback again, because apparently, I am being responsible with my food spending and it will be ok to stop using cash. Unexpectedly found enough in my Everup account to cover me for this month, yay. I should spend the last few pounds of my work bonus card credit somewhere, probably at Frozen Food Warehouse. And I must haul myself off to Big Cheap Clothes shop soon and use an old voucher which is still hanging around.

I recalculated my maintenance arrears for the flat. I am still not really sure what I owe, because they only send accounts once a year, but it looks like it's £1,500. I found a note in my phone were I've written that I owe more, though, so... well right now I've put £1,500 in my goals list over there ---> and if it's the bigger amount I will just deal with it somewhere in the future. I think it was remembering this missing debt which prompted me to look again at various childcare options. Keeping my work income would make such a difference. 🙏

I've also cancelled my DMP in preparation for self-management. Here's hoping it's as straightforward as it seems.

Ughness

So I've weighed it up and down and round about. There doesn't seem to be appropriate, affordable child care that will mesh with my changing work rota, so I'm going to give notice. I could have fought for fixed shifts or phoned a hundred home carers, but to tell the truth it will be a relief.

Another bank has locked my online account and two of them on my credit score show as "late payment". Neither has communicated anything but it's progress. Also, Debt Charity fixed the account that was messed up. 👍 But I'm still going to dump them shortly and go it alone.

This week I went over £1,000 in my "everything" fund. 🥳 And I still have grocery money left, with six days to go.

I am currently watching the Michael Sheen documentary where he wants to buy a million pounds of consumer debt and kill it for 100k. At the moment he seems genuinely perplexed as to why banks are making such an insane amount of interest out of the poorest in society - 40 or even 50 percent. I could tell you why mate, it's because so many of them will be unable to pay. You know, because they're the poorest. In all honesty they (we) shouldn't have been allowed to borrow it in the first place, being such high risk.

Real change needs to be about indoctrinating our children into saving for a rainy day. Not just a few pounds, but permantently living below their means. It hasn't been a thing since before the Baby Boomers were born.

Assortment of Spanners in the Works

I finally managed to log into the debt charity site, and Overdraft Bank has a marker beside it that it is "Held" and they're unable to make payments to the debt. I am of no mind to call them in the least, because I found out they aren't doing everything in my interest, so it looks as though self-management is a better way to go. It isn't ideal for me to have to find the mental energy to self-manage but I think this is what I will need to do. I will need to write to each bank with a monthly offer and hope it gets accepted.

It's an odd situation to be able to approach this now as a project and without shame. Shame is no longer the right perspective - I have had the revelation. This is - all - purely business to those banks, and my situation is factored into their business model, and yawningly routine for them. They send their flurry of red envelopes knowing that most customers will panic and pay. But there's a wealth of info out there on forums on how to approach it all and what not to do. So I'm going to be informed. And I am going to be doggedly determined and in this for the long game.

Life in G Flat

Feeling really flat. Had a good chat with my sister about it and she's in the same boat. The convo was prompted by Mum's birthday but it wasn't even that really. It's really hard when you realise your life priorities aren't what they should have been, and you're not sure what they should be or what you actually want, and can't figure out how to move forward. I think this is what people mean when they say "it's hard" - not that they are necessarily a teary mess 24/7, but that they have realised their life road map is blank and haven't got a clue how to get around anymore. And everyone around us is capable which makes it feel even more perplexing. Like, how do they do that? How do they adult? How do they plan for their futures, how do they make decisions? I used to know how to do this shit.

Anyway. The only option in this position is to keep walking forwards. So I do. The debt charity has approved my Debt Management Plan 🥳 but I haven't yet received the postal access code to get in and potter about and understand their online system. They sent over the amounts per creditor and I was surprised to find most will receive exactly £5, so now I wait to see if they all accept the proposal, then will let it run for a few months and see how I feel after that. The market research stuff arrived for Little X, I duly got it all ready and she shoved it away three times in a row. Safe to say she is not a fan. I mixed it with something from my kitchen cupboards and it eventually went down. I will still be honest and tell them it was rejected.

I actually got myself together and went off to Big Warehousey Supermarket to spend some money that has been sitting in a gift card for months. I had been going to buy a new micro, but it is still working fine despite looking awful, so I will just deal with it when it dies. £35 was on a non-refundable gift card and the electrical shops I could actually use it in are far too expensive anyway. BWS is the only place foodwise where I could go. They are absolutely not good value at all, they are convenience store prices, but I treated it like free money and came home with £25 worth of food. Treat: a proper curry. I haven't had one in a long long time and it was £2 and I made my own rice to go with it. Winner.