Catch up

I've been lackadaisical as usual here. I turned a big birthday 😑 and got lovely gifts from some people, but treated like used toilet paper by one person. And in a way that you wouldn't believe, even if I explained. So I look back on that week now as a valuable life lesson on who and what matters in my life.

Christmas was nice. 🎄 Little X had a grand old time kicking balloons about and tearing paper, and scored big-time on gifts. I hosted, it was a day without fuss or fanciness, and I thoroughly recommend a Basic Christmas Lunch. I think what I appreciate most is that people said they had a nice day. ♥️

I ordered my bed before Christmas, it was on sale and had a delivery window running until the beginning of February. But I've just discovered the company cancelled it without telling me, weeks ago. Idiots. How have I managed to deal with so many idiots in seven short weeks? 😂 Anyway, I am still missing so many bits and pieces for the home, that I've done a new order from a different shop. It has completely wiped out my bank account, and I even had to borrow from my bills account. But sleeping on the floor, without a quilt, enough is enough.

It isn't even everything I need, but I'm hoping to get other items from charity shops over the next few weeks.

Spendy McSpenderson: a new skirt, $30, and out of my allocated clothing budget, so it wasn't even very naughty. It is the only nice piece of clothing I own. 

Black Thumb: Engage!

I am not particularly talented when it comes to gardening, but I'm having a go. Or, really, I lose interest after a month and things get neglected. Anyway, I planted out another polystyrene box. In it went the rest of my dwarf lettuce seedlings (seven, because I can't count), four shallots (because they were still alive and we'll just see what happens), my calendula (I have never managed to see one really thrive, despite it being a virtual weed in some places), ten radish seeds (who knows if they'll even sprout) and two zucchini seeds (in the tray with everything else, temporarily, because I can't break up the garden ground until I buy a pitchfork). There is absolutely no doubt I've got everything planted too closely. Meh. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I finally straightened out my Family Payment and Medicare. But not before losing about ten hours of my life on the phone and the same in lugging Little X to Officeworks to print more paperwork - which they then rejected anyway. Four times. Honestly, most of them are complete idiots. Special thanks to Jo the supervisor from Melbourne who is not an idiot and was ashamed of how idiotic her colleagues had been. 😘

I accidentally wrote this post and didn't hit publish. Lucky you, because coming back to it a few weeks later, I cut the length of waffle by half. 😂 

A Good Day

The one spent with Mum, that is. It's a lovely spot, beautiful gardens, and it was good to see everyone.

I got my mop and it's brilliant 😍 and I have a clean floor plus a beautiful new floor mat. 😍 It's an outdoor one, made of plastic twine, so it's light to lift outside and shake, and I can even hose it down. Over the moon.

Action Shot. 

I've finally gotten some potting soil (thanks sis) and today I planted out 13 lettuces in a polystyrene box while kiddo slept. Thanks Bunnings for the $1 seedling tray. 👍 And for the 50c Calendula shrub to help keep bugs away. 🌸 It was "only" 24 degrees out there, but it was so hot in the sun. I'm still recovering half an hour later! I think it will be smarter to do my gardening at 7pm from now on. There's still 8 more lettuce seedlings in my kitchen plus zucchini and radish seeds to plant, and hopefully a few succulent cuttings will root over the next few weeks. 

I also got my play money set 💷 and I was very excited to sort out little piles of cash for all my expenses. Looking forward to my pay day... There is so little left for any gift shopping 😕 but fortunately I have loads of food so I can hopefully wrangle a bit there. Little X's main present is already bought so just the relatives left. 

The solicitors are apparently doing the sale contract for my flat - which I'm told is good news but I've no idea what is still to do. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Mile-Long List

In a sort-of order of urgency. Which is unfortunately not the order I'd prefer to follow. 🙄

• Fridge - on the way
• Washing machine (arrives January) 
• Mattress (got it) 
• Whipper Snipper to tame the grass - it's really hot and dry for now so it isn't growing, touch wood
• Vacuum cleaner (being gifted by a relative) 
• Mop and bucket (ditto) 
• Bed frame, quilt, cotton sheets (got the sheet) 
• Sofa (on the way) 
• Drawers and wardrobes
• Rug for living room

The IKEA order arrived. It's completely wrong. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I unrolled my new mattress, but it was the wrong one 🤦🏻‍♀️ and there were two more wrong ones on my patio 🤦🏻‍♀️ and no chairs, sheets, mattress protector or coffee table that I actually ordered. Unimpressed. 😒 They eventually got the right mattress out but still screwed that up - two identical ones turned up and the delivery driver had to be cajoled into only leaving one, and that yes, he did also have to take three incorrect ones away, not two. I cancelled everything else they were sending and dragged Little X out on the bus, in the heat, to buy a single stool and some bedding so we could actually function. 

Fortune then decided to shine on me ☀️ and the house down the street also threw out two outdoor chairs and a high-backed dressing chair. As you can see the chair is a mess of furniture chalk paint and it's coming off with a good scrub. It'll only have a vague black-scratched look. I think it will be great for hanging jeans etc that I want to wear again the next day.  

I am still waiting for Medicare and Centrelink to care that I exist. They take forever and are grossly ineffective on the phone - you don't get to speak with the ones who make any decisions, and whether they'll accept my mixed load of documents is always a guessing game - and if they don't, they do not tell you, it's up to you to call and say, hey, is everything OK? No, no, it's not, try sending this and then call back in 3 days to see if it's acceptable. Too bad for someone who was actually homeless and penniless, right? I have the roof but until yesterday was sharing a blow up single mattress with a toddler and had nothing to sit on... And was seriously thinking my first rent payment might not get made... I actually thought I'd be cooking up luncheon meat for every meal this week (and I shopped for it accordingly). Yes, it's all Ritz luxury around here. 🙄

Fortunately a payment I'd been waiting on arrived, and I'm just going to add that my sister gave me a huge bag of food, unasked. 😍 So I had enough to order my sofa and to cover food for another ten days. And also, I made the most delicious dinner today with luncheon meat. 😁 

We Are In

Sans furniture, but we're in. I've done quite a lot of saying to myself how happy I am. 😊 I will admit that my lower back and feet are killing me as I've got no chairs - I've alternated between the single blow up mattress and perching on some storage boxes from my sister's place. We managed to get saucepans, utensils, a sheet set (flannelette 😮‍💨) and the score of all scores - a $12 air fryer! 👏

Sis also kindly bought me a kettle, microwave and toaster. 😍

Little X is slowly adjusting, but also digging into bags and boxes non-stop. Sis asked if I'd unpacked yet... And I thought, unpacked into what? There's no furniture... 😂 

I've bought absolute minimums, ie a mattress arrives tomorrow (no funds for the bed yet) and two chairs. Plus a small table for Little X as she's got a chair. Fridge is coming in a week since buying ice will bankrupt me. Washer arrives in a few days.

Freebie win: these, dumped across the road. 

They have a few scratches and slight moisture marks but they are perfectly serviceable, and besides, bedside tables weren't even in my "buy later" list.

Now if I knew I could pay bills after next week, life would be just grand. Stay tuned. 

The Seven-Day Fog

I don't quite know how, but we made it. We've been here a week and it's been a roller coaster. The plane ride was exhausting but surviveable. We've been out every day since chasing up papers and forms and and and.

The accommodation didn't work out (filthy and they asked me to leave as Little X was too loud at night... Yes thanks I will have that refund). My sister has kindly taken us in. 

Income support won't even be processed for another 3-4 weeks. 😔 We have money to get by, but without that regular income proof, renting is near impossible. I applied for a place that looked great, but as expected we were turned down flat. I suspect that's going to be the first of many. I'm putting more applications in every time I see a good place.

Cannot relax at all. I'm in someone else's home, Little X never stops moving and I'm continually worried she'll break something or hurt herself. I'm so primed for our own place. I really just want to be hunting down furniture and establishing a routine. 

Holding Onto Potential

It occurred to me I'm doing this in so many aspects of my life. I have successfully decluttered more than 90% of my holdings, items that crowded up my flat and my life for years, things I kept because they were potentially worth money. I was holding them all while not addressing the reality of who I am, which is: a person of more optimism than action.

I've found the last 10% quite difficult. I've made mental excuses for weeks. Even the last bit of the painting, which will be a hallelujah moment, I have delayed. I haven't felt "ready" for what it will mean (dealing with the floor) which is in turn a delaying tactic on selling my flat. Because selling now feels like I copped out. The flat wasn't renovated to get the maximum profit, it didn't meet potential, yarda. I don't even want to deal with the floor because again, maximum potential would be new carpet and I can't afford that... More lost potential. And all of it, summed up, is lost potential on the money I will (won't) have afterwards which, I fear, will not be enough to do even basic existence.

I've decided I will go back to Australia. Day-to-day living, while expensive, is far less punitive to families with children. Even given the exchange rate and cost of living, the UK is keeping us in absolute poverty and Australia would double our standard of living. Thus is the realisation I probably can't afford to buy any kind of housing with the sale proceeds of this flat. And the hesitation in eroding even 1% of that by not renovating as best I can.

But reality demands I go back to two things: I'm going backwards financially week-on-week, so renovating only gets harder and the deadline for overdue maintenance fees only gets closer. And two, I am a person of more optimism than action.

So the tack has stepped up a gear and now I'm not decluttering 90% in order to move house, I'm decluttering 99% in order to be reduced to three suitcases. It is really, really difficult. Send mojo. 

Full Car

It's full of stuff to return to the shop and stuff to donate. It's mostly stuff that's used occasionally. Seconds and thirds of items that realistically aren't needed. "I use this sometimes" is not the same as "I don't need this and don't want to move it to my next home". 👏 And loads of spare Little X clothes. We had too many. 

The painting actually feels like it's on the home stretch, finally. I've given myself a deadline for listing my flat for sale - I have a week to decide whether I rip out the carpet. I've been avoiding culling the Good Stuff Stack. 🤐 But I actually need the physical floor space to lay flooring. So... I think I have to face that I'm making excuses and pissing about.

Bought: nothing. I've used up all the milk and long-life milk, so today, there's ice-cream in my coffee. ☕  German Supermarket has a £5 voucher thing running again, so that's the plan for my next big shop.

Money: I now have 7 defaults visible, so only 4 to go. 🍻 #6 has locked me out of the app, and doesn't have any generic bank account number online to make payments to, like every other card does. It is also, bizarrely, not really sending any useful paperwork which has this info on it. Just a phone number to pay, and I don't want to do anything over the phone. #7 is a bank overdraft and the account no longer exists, so I have the same issue there. I happen to have a second bank account with them which is empty, so I think I'll start dropping the £2 into there each month and hope they have the sense to take it - legally they can although I understand it's rare they do. We shall see. 

Mojo Recovered

So in the past few days, I have Done Some Stuff™ and while each of them is actually ridiculously minor, collectively I have been kinda busy. At least busy enough to legitimately declare that I've got my mojo back, at least for now.

I have:

• Emptied two kitchen cupboards, discovering five exploded lager cans 🤢 (which have effectively destroyed the under-sink shelf). I also poured out five more which were years out of date. I don't even like lager, they were free from my old work and I never got around to giving all of them away. That's what I get for not wanting them wasted! This level of "rescuing things" has got to stop. 
• Found and corralled loads of cleaning supplies 
• Sawn down a black tub to make an under-sink recycling bin - hey, it works well when the shelving is fubar'd! 
• Painted a door frame and skirting board
• Moved a wardrobe and chest of drawers (making space to move the bed, to paint behind) 
• Disassembled and given away a desk
• Listed my office chair to give away
• Disassembled and listed my cage shelving for sale

Unfortunately, I've now got jelly arms, so I'm going to have to give myself an evening off. 

I also deleted more than a thousand emails and unsubscribed from about 20 market research firms. I have earned money with them in the past, but I've had far too little interest lately, and it was just noise. They will all have me back if and when!

I'm going to try a "self-care" app to see if it helps me keep motivated. It lets you includes "paint a wall" as a daily task 😁 so let's see.

Spendy McSpenderson: £8 on some toys for Little X. 😘

Ruminations And Relocations

The redecoration has sat still for a week because I've been preoccupied. My son, Jay, finally lost patience with the miserable job market in Finland and is currently on a plane back to Australia. There's a small part of me that's sad about this, he has three family members there who will miss him dearly and it's a pity that he wasn't able to build a life there. But given how hard he has studied and tried, and just how demoralising it's been for him, I am really excited for him to start afresh in Australia with my sister and aunts. ♥️

My War Chest (or lack of) is the more pressing reason for my downer mood of late. It isn't enough to do the bare minimums which all compete for my attention - renewing the lease (£800), paying the service charge (£1100) and moving costs after I sell (£1800). Not renewing the lease could cost me five figures on the sale price, the sale might be blocked altogether if I don't pay the service charge up front, and I can't go anywhere with nowhere to go. It's like coming to a crossroads but all directions are dead ends. And staying where I am isn't appetising at all, winter in this dark flat is not fun.

I did at least order samples of flooring for the living room. I fancy myself as a vinyl floor-fitter, since I can't afford to buy carpet or have anything installed. I've also cleared my desk and I will get rid of it this week - I don't use it and less furniture to move will make flooring more doable. 

Expenses list redone... The emergency fund seems pointless while everything springs up in front of it. And my maintenance charges mount each month (I have £62 left over each month and fuel needs to come out of that... I don't want to think about my insurance renewals in the new year). 

Must muster more mojo.

Kitchen Shenanigans

So I vaguely had in mind to cook properly from scratch once a week and also bake something once a week. But this is me. 😂 I will say it was immensely satisfying to rejig my kitchen and it now feels like a room I like using again. ✅ 

The first Monday I bought Carrot Cake fixings and then realised I'd forgotten cream cheese for the icing. 😑 I made Courgette Muffins instead. They worked, but were too heavy on the veg so were overly moist rather than chocolatey. We both did eat some, but they didn't keep well and a few ended up binned.

For dinner I tried hamburger patties on the frypan (I haven't used the stove top for years!) and they were a big hit with Little X. ✅

I also made a dessert, white choc marshmallow with cereal pressed in. This was amazing. It's Rice Crispy Bars from the supermarket except more, and however you prefer it. I just made it up as I went along. Little X ate some but absolutely hated the sunflower seeds and that caused some drama. 🎭

The second week I cooked Tuna Mornay. This ended up with "mmmmmm" at high volume 😂 so I think we found another food she'll eat. We also had meatballs in savoury rice - not from scratch really but another food she will eat. ✅  For baking I made banana bread tonight. Ladies and gentlemen it's the fluffiest cake I think I've ever eaten. It's definitely delicious but the jury is out as to whether a cake this soft will stay edible after 2 days.

If it lasts that long.

She also enjoyed fresh pikelets this week. 😋 

I now have 5 defaults and 2 more say they will default me. As they do so, I am beginning a £2/month payment to each one. To my great surprise one debt recovery company wrote to me accepting £2 a month as an ongoing arrangement 😲 despite me not asking if that was OK 😲 and it isn't even the smallest debt. I am now hoping others do the same - they manage 3 other debts of mine so we shall see. 🤞

Microwave is an absolute disaster and I'm using it as little as possible. Air fryers are on sale this week for £25 🤔 and I am also pondering a £6 saucepan since I don't own one. And a £7 frypan as both mine are awful. 🤔 

The Decluttering Secret

I have decluttered about 90 bags or boxes of things from my home. Ultimately, I am aiming for 100, and I am now at the point where I can see everything left to pare down, in about 6 crates. 💪

So what's the secret? It's not what I always thought. I had always thought that hoarders are unnaturally attached to things of no value. But no. It is about being realistic with yourself. 

It's losing the "scarcity" mentality. The knee-jerk reaction to never discarding anything because you don't have enough of something and you equate "not having it" to deprivation, either physically, or mentally. 

I had a shocking habit of buying or salvaging anything I might need in future, doing it because I knew I might not have the money to buy it later, or it was an opportunity for me to sell it and earn money. Well guess what, stuff is not useful while cluttering up your valuable space. It's not helpful when you aren't touching it for months. And it isn't worth ANY money while sat in your house.

I took a more honest look at myself, was I really going to use it, fix it or sell it? If I'd had it a year, the chances I'd touch it were pretty slim, so I gathered my adulting and got rid - I'd just deal with buying one if need be. And I didn't need multiple projects that I wasn't completing. One or two is enough! 

This morning I binned a dozen microfibre cloths and ten tea towels. I can surely find a couple of pounds when they wear out. I literally threw five quid in the bin but gained a cupboard for the next five years. That's a win, imagine, a nice clear cupboard for one pound per year! Two pence a week... that's nothing. It's repeated every time I clear space. And it's an absolute bargain for how the clear space benefits my mental well-being. 🙏 

Score! x2

Little X's progressive anti-vegetable stance is attempting to branch out and she's started rejecting most fruit. 😑 Pay day has come around and I've decided to cook and bake. I've even hauled out the blender and I'm psyching myself up for courgette muffins, carrot cake and pea & ham omelettes.

While hunting for the baking paraphernalia I discovered two tins of food Best Before 2018. Both of them got binned. Old me would have eaten them. 😂 I also found an extra-large glass cutting board big enough to cover my stovetop. 😍 Yes thank you. I also sorted my tupperware. 👏 Feeling: energised.

I blended up carrot & potato waffle mix but they're too wet with not enough egg to set them 😭 which is a right pain with ten already portioned in the freezer. 😭 Unsurprisingly Little X went "no thanks" once I actually got it solidly cooked. I cooked one for myself and after 45 minutes under the heat I was annoyed. I loaded it with breadcrumbs all over and it was surprisingly nice alongside my HALF a pizza 🍕 (new me isn't eating a whole one). 🏆

In mentally preparing myself for shopping, I reflected that one shouldn't need to mentally prepare for an ordinary task they've done for years. Hauling the groceries about is starting to get to me, physically. Time's up. The weight needs to come off. Loads of salad veg came home in my trolley. It's day three of Not Being A Pig and I haven't made revolutionary changes but every day has involved a salad. Gotta start somewhere. 👍 

Reshuffling

I've had a better few days. The mouldy curtains survived a wash, but unfortunately so did the mould. Miraculously, they then survived being washed at 90°C in a whole bottle of bleach, and are hung back up to dry, no mould in sight. ✅ I'm chuffed they are fresh again. I've finished priming that wall and there's one other wall patch to do before the top coats.

My cheap blinds arrived and I think I can make them work. ✅ 

The bathroom plastic shelves now hold shoes, so they're all neatly hidden away in the wardrobe. ✅ 

I cooked properly for the first time in ages. ✅ 

I finished washing my stored sheets, towels and quilt covers, and now they fit into my drawer. Several donated, several binned. ✅

I actually sat down and tried to do my life admin that's outstanding, but the website was down. I then forgot for three nights. D'Oh. I'm awarding myself a bronze Participation Award for trying. 🥉 

Avoidance As Standard

My renovation to-do list is not short, and somehow it seems easier to do the physical work than the paperwork-y admin-y things. I've done some more stripping, scrubbing, filling holes and sanding. Oh, and spraying, wiping, scrubbing, and mopping walls and floors. The lino in the kitchen defies cleaning. I am eyeing up new lino flooring, it would only cost me around £40 for that room, but so far, I'm making myself slow down and am doing one project at a time. (I may or may not have also priced up new lino for the bathroom floor too. And vinyl to cover the bathroom tiles. Ahem.)

Little X had her last day at nursery. 😢 But at least I took advantage of that time, to get some handiwork done. We are now potty training. So far it's a disaster. Give me strength to keep up with the washing! 🙏 

Good girl: I have actually depleted my freezer for the first time in about a year. It only has dregs of things, enough to feed kidlet for another few dinners.

Hugely annoying: Little X was almost climbing out of her mini cot 😒 so, grrr, I've had to take the side off before she fell out. This sucks, as I've had to move most of my storage to stop her getting into it all while I'm asleep. Everything touchable has had to go in the dining area, beyond the baby gate. The flat is back to "all furniture shoved stupidly wherever it fits". Sigh. I need to re-gather my enthusiasm for having even less stuff, so that I can have even less furniture.

Spendy McSpenderson: I decided against the rigmarole of installing net curtains. IKEA had some ridiculously cheap blinds (which are, honestly, cheap, flimsy-looking, ridiculous and £4 each) but I've bought them and I will see whether I'll get away with them. 🙏 

A Pressie, Of Sorts

I got a letter from Personal Loan Bank which was a strange surprise. They say they won't be taking legal action and that the Notice of Default they sent last week, warning of possible legal action, was only sent to me because they had to, by law. No other bank has sent such a "no need to panic" - type letter like this. 🤔  It's the only bank I owe five figures to, so this was nice to read.

I haven't caught up with my money podcasts for months (or the weekly money-saving emails) and I kept thinking I must get around to them all. But truth be told, I haven't found anything in them that I need in a long time. I've been poverty-level hesitant to spend for years, but now it's more that I just don't want any more stuff coming into my home. Not a bad thing! 😂 

Another set of shelves given away today too. 👍

Spent half an hour with a British Gas idiot. No thanks I don't need to change my home circumstances on your register, please just reissue my bill because with the updated meter read I supplied a week ago, and my missed smart meter installation credit of £40, I should be in credit. That painful explanation convo took 15 minutes of text. .. I'm now £20 in credit so at least they'll stop sending bill renunders. But he still forgot the £40 that I specifically asked him to do. Then when I asked how long those £40 credits normally take to show up, he asked if it was an appointment for installing a boiler. No mate, a smart meter, like I told you. I don't usually give a poor rating for CSAs but I'm afraid that asking for my bank statement (yes, he asked for my bank statement, wtf) helped Dhruv score a 3/10.

Quietly confident that Little X's digestion is recovered. Another few rounds of toast, dry cereal and crackers, just to make sure. 

Minor Derailment

Little X has a tummy bug and while she's in good spirits, the exclusion period is probably going to mean she misses at least a day of nursery. This is so bloody irritating on limited "messy renovation work" time. 

I have 1.5 walls left to prep and am downgrading to "basic prep" with self-adhesive grey patterned wallpaper for the longest wall. Nobody cares about decor in a "renovator's dream", I just need to upgrade from "bare ugly wall" level so that it almost looks like it's immediately habitable. Just got to sand and wash without a small person in attendance, then paint the other walls, which are ready to go. 

I had a brilliant win yesterday offloading twelve bags to the baby bank, who were just fine with taking it all. It wasn't even all of it. I stopped myself at 3 lots of nappies. There's still six bin bags on my bed ready to go, but I'll give them a few weeks to recover first! 😂 It also marks three quarters of the total stuff I am aiming to offload - 75 bags. 🎉 

Little X is growing so fast and I'm increasingly conscious she's getting older. It's a good reminder to keep me motivated, we need a more suitable home, and it's time. I can do this.

Smart meter installation booked for this week - I'm in two minds but it at least gives me more insight to my electricity usage. 

Refreshing

Today was another "getting stuff done" exercise. I didn't clear the whole lot that I had wanted, but I did get a couple of hours' housework done as well and the extra floor space is refreshing in a way I hadn't expected.

I donated quite a bit of stuff. It was sobering to find so many things that were either unused, duplicates or used only once. It's not only that I've clearly shopped without purpose, it's the fact I'd had so much clutter that I didn't know what I already had (and bought it again).

I can see it in Little X too this afternoon. I packed away her big set of blocks, and pulled out some toys she hasn't seen in a while. She's calm, content and enjoying herself. Having a tidy room to play, without being bombarded by "stuff", is obviously a big plus. It's refreshing to the mind.

More than anything it's meant I can clearly see what still needs doing, and now I have the space to do it, without it seeming like a monumental task. 😊

Two banks have now visibly defaulted me 👏 and I have started sending token payments. Nine more to go. 

*Laughs in Selfie*

I just looked at my watch, realised what day it is, did a little internal "woohoo!" because I've got another day off tomorrow - and then remembered I've got all the days off.

It's been demoralising to look around at all the things I wanted to do but which weren't practical until a nursery day, like moving furniture, hurling bags of stuff into the skip and painting. So guess what I did today? Well, I at least did the vacuuming and did the first furniture shuffle. There will be more of those - there's not a lot of spare space, so it has to be planned in sequence. But it's already improved. I can't put into words how nice it was to walk across the room without squeezing around something. 😀

Someone is collecting my large shelves tonight (touch wood). I think I overdid it slightly, which is why I stopped after dismantling the shelves, then moving the bed, sofa and cot. The piles of belongings are judging me, but here's hoping I can sort some out this week.

Win: £100 Nationwide Fairer Share money 💰 already yanked out and put safety away! 😁 

All The Eggs!

That title isn't related to the post, it's just something Norri says in excitement when discussing her Shakshuka breakfast on Hey Duggee. This past few days it feels like I got all the green lights. 

Anyway. Work has kindly let me out of my notice period and Nursery has kindly done the same, and allowed Little X just to attend for 6h on funded ("free") hours from now. So starting next week I'll have six weeks to tidy and clear out. I keep talking about this but it's on my mind a lot as I want to move furniture and can't really do that until I have a kiddo-free flat - so next week it begins.

The great big minus is that it's six months since I lost my mum. It feels like it happened to another person. It feels both totally detached and yet very raw, and both yesterday and a century ago. It feels both sharp reality and just a bad dream.

I follow a lady who kindly calls herself an Uninfluencer, she is utterly normal and unaffected, which is why people like her. This week she posted a tidbit about herself. She said that six years ago she lost her mum and became acutely aware that her own time was finite and she wasn't using her time on earth in meaningful ways. She wasn't doing all the things she wanted to do "someday" and felt she needed to reprioritise to avoid having regrets. Within 12 months she gave away her stuff, quit her job, sold her house and went in another direction. That resonates with me. I don't have the "new direction" chosen physically, but I am steering my life in a new way. Financially and in terms of my home space and possessions.

What I liked most is that she has stuck with her new way of life for five years. It gives me hope. I have always struggled to make changes stick and right now I am amazed at still having decluttering motivation. A workmate, who also lost someone, reflected that when you lose someone you decide what's important, and that work doesn't "matter" anymore in the scheme of things, and I understood.

I am looking forward to building a purposeful life. For almost 50 years I have coasted along and it's time to only do what matters. It's time to get further into my own chosen stride and stop doing the dumb things others do without thinking.