Mental Energy? Where?

I am close to the bottom of the tank, motivation-wise. My coworkers are all feeling it too. We are conducting the same 10 minute phone call non-stop all day every day, and it starts to grate after a while, especially since the people who now call don't seem enthusiastic. So many people on the other end of the phone now don't seem to care about anything at all.

What irony then that I'm almost like that myself.

I'm in a catatonic state and functioning on autopilot. I eat breakfast in the car and drink my coffee as I drive. I make the same budget lunch every day. Every second evening I lose discipline and end up shopping for some kind of one-handed dinner, which also gets eaten in the car, because it's already 7.30pm by then and the mental fuel tank is on empty. Half the time I'm driving to the second job (eating at least half an hour of my income from a takeaway container).

So this week I know I'm arranging my new flat, and the old one is waiting to be photographed but nothing in my house is actually organised and neat enough for them to visit, but have I packed anything yet? --no, and when will I get to do that? Hahaha. And do I actually know WHICH job I will have in a weeks' time, or even when I start? Heck no, that's up in the air like all the other squishy juggling balls I threw up there. This is not like me, usually I can think and plot and plan on these things and come up with a solution (since hey I have had several months to figure this out) but reality is I haven't got the mental energy for solving this one so it's like a homework sheet that has sat untouched. The jigsaw is partly because I can't match up the logistics of actually moving, of how I will realistically deal with the excess furniture and how I will move the pieces I want to keep.

Now and then I come back to something I wrote several years ago.

...many of the people I know are working All. The. Time. And not particularly enjoying it. I feel sad every time they tell me (again) that the hours are killing them. Because I know they will fall exhausted into bed tonight, but get up tomorrow and do it all again. And the next day.

This is me. This is my life. I work two jobs and it only gets me a little bit ahead each week (which doesn't actually get you ahead when you had several months of unemployment and are trying to claw your way back). And I'm about to leave the second job behind and with no idea of my exact finances for the future.

Do. Not. Want.

I want the time to live a life where I can choose how I spend it. I don't need a lot of money but I want NOT to be a time-poor mega-consumer who is swallowing takeaway meals and doing nothing but existing. It's a horrible result for the environment to live this way and I want out.

Rant over.

Small thing... I bought a new pair of trousers, yet another "need" thing, boo, and managed not to buy the warm top that I wanted. But I think I'll "need" to buy a Christmas jumper because I need another jumper and why not make it festive?