Invoices and Paradigm Shifts

I have received my first childcare invoice and am in the process of having it reimbursed by Universal Credit. And apparently, I also have the option of a budgeting advance of £800. The world doesn't end if they say no, but it would feel good to have my maintenance arrears taken care of. It would help motivate me to get the flat ready for sale.

Along those lines I did a big shop at German Supermarket on UC day and while I was there I spotted paint for £13. In white. So I bought two. It was like cementing a major decision, yes, I'm now mentally committed to a very minor flat makeover. It's like putting lipstick on a pig, but first impressions matter, and it might mean £1,000 more on the sale price. 🙏

The grocery component came to £42, which is on the high side. It was intentional though... In my new mindset of not clinging to every object, I'm also relaxing the vice grip on penny-pinching. There's so many things I've denied myself and Little X which are beyond fair. This week she's had fruits and nuts she's never tried before. Party rings. Flavoured crisps. Orange squash. I know a toddler doesn't need all this every day, but it's well overdue for her to have a touch of normality. I don't want her to grow up terrified of spending every penny. I will still choose budget options, but no more basic denial of entire food groups.

Bought: £100 voucher for above-mentioned German Supermarket, then Everup had a 6.25% offer for Fave Mainstream Supermarket so I spent another £100 on that. Between them I got loads of points and played them through the games, ended up with £13 in the account for my next voucher. These vouchers also help steer me away from Nearby Less Cheap Supermarket. 👍

Actionism

I'm sure that's not a word, but it was my attempt not to accidentally re-use a previous heading. Anyway, twice this week after taking Little X to nursery and hacking up a lung, I Got Stuff Done™, two major pieces of furniture are emptied and ready for sale, several items are ready to give away, a huge bag of stuff went into the bin and I gathered 9 bags for charity. I donated them this afternoon and it felt really good to be free of them. I even managed two loads of washing. 😇

The milestone is that a quarter of my excess stuff is now gone. I am aiming for 100 bags and that's 25 done. 💪

Debt Charity asked why I hadn't paid my May instalment and I snapped back with the cancellation agreement they sent me in March. I then got an enquiry of was I having problems affording the May payment or had something happened to affect my budget? I had to shout (in text) to make them try reading what I sent them, and that they clearly hadn't cancelled things like they promised. So that was entertaining. The first bank has actually notified me they've defaulted 🎉 although I can't see it anywhere on my credit files yet. It's still a waiting game. 

Feeling: energised. 

The Opportunities

I need to (re) start seeing unfortunate situations as opportunities. I had a tiny win today in that missing work gave me a child-free day to clear out junk. Not having so many clothes will let me have less furniture and more space: that's the next one I hope to achieve.

Spending money on disposable nappies frees up my washer, my time and my space. This is a sacrifice I should have made earlier. It also makes me take my rubbish out in a timely manner. 

Mr Money Mustache said: Wear the tight trousers. If your trousers are too tight, and you solve that issue by buying bigger clothes, you have lost the chance to lose weight, feel better, improve your health and save money. I need to feel uncomfortable right now in my dingy, cluttered, too-small, ugly and messy flat. It is the impetus to, not vaguely aim to spend on renovation slowly over a period of ten years, but to cut my losses, concentrate on what matters, and improve my life. Even if it's not earning me a profit. If it was going to be doable to capitalise and profit, I've had long enough, so I need to accept that it just isn't in me.

I am a work in progress! 

It's Just So Uncomfortable.

I could apply the title to a lot of things right now but for the very least, still being horridly sick and not having much money at hand. And they're related. I've lost £300 from this stupid lurgy and that would have paid almost half what I owe for maintenance charges. More than that, it's uncomfortable seeing only double digits in the bank. It isn't really a big drama, there's not really anything I urgently need and it's almost UC day, it's just weird.

I had been determined to replace the microwave this week. But for the thousandth time I wonder why I made plans at all, when this is me, and shit always goes wrong to ruin plans. I've made a (small) decision not to do any flat remodelling before sale so that expense has been removed from my list. I've also removed the "next car" fund since I can keep this car till it dies then use emergency funds. The list still seems overwhelming and ridiculous. It seems like the bottom ones will never happen because of the top ones - and new ones which will inevitably be inserted, like the maintenance charge for 2026, etc. 

What practical things did I do of late? Little X was in nursery today and while the house was empty I did some housework. I rearranged some things to give me space to move, sorted some items that I may sell, threw out four bags of clothes and junk, and put one bag into the car for donating. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 The biggest win was emptying a large "junk bag", I have a terrible habit of throwing junk into a bag that I don't want to deal with, and then it just becomes part of the furniture. It felt good to put most of it in the bin, to actually dispose of things that were still technically useful but which I simply do not need. I think it comes down to this: if a buyer came along and I could take just one car load and move, leaving all the other "stuff" in here behind, would I go? And it's yes. I keep stuff in fear of a scarcity which does not match my actual needs. I need to break this habit and live more simply, with less. 

Day 8 of Lurgy

It's just a minor cold. I didn't even feel unwell. Until the evening of the 7th day, of course, when I had a tickly cough. Wake up day 8 and feel horrendously ill with body aches, and I can see the infection in my throat. I really hope Little X hasn't felt like this. But, I have four days at home before work, so fingers crossed I get well in time. 🤞

She's been singing "Five Little Ducks". There's not really actual singing, the only sound is a vague attempt at the quacking, but there are actions, the single finger held up, bouncing up and down then going "over the hill and far away" ie, behind her ear. This morning she said "cuh ba-" at the end (come back) and started clapping. It was honestly so cute. 😍

I did manage to drag myself over to the baby bank today and picked up a dozen long-sleeved shirts for her. I hadn't thought we would need them over summer, but her eczema is now on the arms, so long sleeves it is. I didn't find the simple car or garage toy I was hoping for. On the plus side, half a bag came home while 6 bags went in their direction! 👏 #decluttering

We also managed to get the grocery shop done. I was far too optimistic about the small shop we were going to do and I spent more than I wanted to. But here we are. My microwave now looks seriously ill - it's looked terrible for ages but the paint is completely lifting underneath and I now suspect half the energy isn't even ending up in the food, so I will be buying one from work this week (£40.49 with my discount). I also want a pancake maker to create veggie waffles for Little X, but that will have to wait a bit longer. The maintenance arrears bill is on my mind and I've missed a week of work, you see. I still have £700 of arrears which I hope will be repaid by end of June. 🤞

I Could Have

... pushed through and gone to work today. We're both snotty, but on the mend. I know that if we'd gone in, she'd be stumbling around exhausted at nursery, unable to get herself to relax. It was the right decision even though I feel lazy.

I'm second-guessing my vague game plan of having all ducks in a row then selling my flat. I'm wishing it was sold already. Maybe I'd be better off slapping paint over the rough walls, decluttering and selling without moving first. 🤔 It would be worth less, but possibly be better for us overall. 

I haven't decided about that... but I have decided to stop with reusable nappies. They take up too much space and they're becoming less pleasant as kiddo ages. I did my bit. (Ye gods am I becoming like a Boomer, I'm older now so who cares about the environment?)

The new perspective on stuff: I had originally bought more furniture to store my stuff. Now I want the furniture gone because it has allowed me to have too much stuff. I need to be less attached to keeping things "just in case" or because "it's worth something". 🤔

One more card issuer has closed my account. The debt charity is still sending me statements and behaving as if our (cancelled) arrangement is still full-steam ahead... Several banks are still referencing the (cancelled) debt management plan (including the bank which has handed by debt over to a debt collection company). Nobody seems bothered that this DMP isn't actually doing anything. I'm kinda intrigued how long this odd limbo will go on. 

Tail-Chasing

I've now been back at work for two weeks - four shifts completed so far - and I'm tired. Physically, I was an old lady after the first two shifts, rediscovering muscles I had forgotten existed (and I am certainly not doing physically-strenuous work, in fact, I've had it easy). But Little X, while utterly unconcerned at being left at nursery and not particularly relieved when I return, is equal parts clingy and utterly shattered on the days following each visit. She has thrown her nap schedule into the bin, refusing to sleep for the entire day at nursery and crashing into slumber as soon as we're home, closing on 5pm. Even on the "at home" days she falls asleep early and then insists on staying awake for the entire afternoon, resulting in a cranky kiddo. I wish I didn't need to work. It's nice to have adult conversation and my workmates have welcomed me back warmly but it's playing havoc with the mummy/kidlet energy levels.

Work is also a bit of a revolving door of staff. Favourite mini boss is leaving. 😭 I am disappointed but not surprised. Buddy-miniboss was sacked 😲 and replaced with Bert from Sesame Street, utterly dull. Newbie Miniboss #2 is apparently popular and seems nice, I will call them Slim Shady. I already lost Good Boss to a sister store and his replacement is totally Frasier from Cheers. Even poor Big Boss is clearly burnt out and has been remarkably candid about it all, saying that Frasier just doesn't jive the same way and the workplace culture has shifted under pressure from above. The whole feel has changed. We are all in there to work, collect our pay and leave. It isn't the cuddly helpy family it used to be. Even Model, who used to be emotionally invested, now seems cold and robotic. But as long as the company gives me the freedom I have earned, I'll stay (although money is also the only reason I'm there now myself). 😁

Sigh, on top of all the other reasons I need this money, I've received my accounts for the flat maintenence charge and thanks to their shitty creative retrospective increased accounting, I "owe" even more than I should. Worse, they are going to bill me for more of the major building work than they should. I am frankly disgusted and it's an amount that means I will need to pursue this formally (if not legally) but before I can go down that route I have to pay everything they claim I owe - and then fight it afterwards. I don't have enough to do that just yet. It will take me a few months. It's very disheartening. Time to change that list there on the right, and hope they are so disorganised that the building works don't get arranged for another year. Time also to rethink my longterm plan, which seems so hard to get my brain around, when the goalposts just keep moving.

The £634 for my NI contribution is safely tucked away and I am reassured they have my info and will be in touch soon to collect it.

I have a monster cold (as does Little X) and mine is a sinus infection and we are irritated at the world. I'm hoping it goes away in the next 3 days so I don't have to miss work. 🤞

Received: several letters from banks that certain things "might" happen if I don't X, Y Z. So far none of the "might"s have actually been of any consequence. Only one has passed on my account, and so far, no contact from the new administrator. The debt management company agreed I was definitely not going ahead with them, but is asking for payments still... I suppose it's extra unintentionally stalling. 🤷