Minor Derailment

Little X has a tummy bug and while she's in good spirits, the exclusion period is probably going to mean she misses at least a day of nursery. This is so bloody irritating on limited "messy renovation work" time. 

I have 1.5 walls left to prep and am downgrading to "basic prep" with self-adhesive grey patterned wallpaper for the longest wall. Nobody cares about decor in a "renovator's dream", I just need to upgrade from "bare ugly wall" level so that it almost looks like it's immediately habitable. Just got to sand and wash without a small person in attendance, then paint the other walls, which are ready to go. 

I had a brilliant win yesterday offloading twelve bags to the baby bank, who were just fine with taking it all. It wasn't even all of it. I stopped myself at 3 lots of nappies. There's still six bin bags on my bed ready to go, but I'll give them a few weeks to recover first! 😂 It also marks three quarters of the total stuff I am aiming to offload - 75 bags. 🎉 

Little X is growing so fast and I'm increasingly conscious she's getting older. It's a good reminder to keep me motivated, we need a more suitable home, and it's time. I can do this.

Smart meter installation booked for this week - I'm in two minds but it at least gives me more insight to my electricity usage. 

Refreshing

Today was another "getting stuff done" exercise. I didn't clear the whole lot that I had wanted, but I did get a couple of hours' housework done as well and the extra floor space is refreshing in a way I hadn't expected.

I donated quite a bit of stuff. It was sobering to find so many things that were either unused, duplicates or used only once. It's not only that I've clearly shopped without purpose, it's the fact I'd had so much clutter that I didn't know what I already had (and bought it again).

I can see it in Little X too this afternoon. I packed away her big set of blocks, and pulled out some toys she hasn't seen in a while. She's calm, content and enjoying herself. Having a tidy room to play, without being bombarded by "stuff", is obviously a big plus. It's refreshing to the mind.

More than anything it's meant I can clearly see what still needs doing, and now I have the space to do it, without it seeming like a monumental task. 😊

Two banks have now visibly defaulted me 👏 and I have started sending token payments. Nine more to go. 

*Laughs in Selfie*

I just looked at my watch, realised what day it is, did a little internal "woohoo!" because I've got another day off tomorrow - and then remembered I've got all the days off.

It's been demoralising to look around at all the things I wanted to do but which weren't practical until a nursery day, like moving furniture, hurling bags of stuff into the skip and painting. So guess what I did today? Well, I at least did the vacuuming and did the first furniture shuffle. There will be more of those - there's not a lot of spare space, so it has to be planned in sequence. But it's already improved. I can't put into words how nice it was to walk across the room without squeezing around something. 😀

Someone is collecting my large shelves tonight (touch wood). I think I overdid it slightly, which is why I stopped after dismantling the shelves, then moving the bed, sofa and cot. The piles of belongings are judging me, but here's hoping I can sort some out this week.

Win: £100 Nationwide Fairer Share money 💰 already yanked out and put safety away! 😁 

All The Eggs!

That title isn't related to the post, it's just something Norri says in excitement when discussing her Shakshuka breakfast on Hey Duggee. This past few days it feels like I got all the green lights. 

Anyway. Work has kindly let me out of my notice period and Nursery has kindly done the same, and allowed Little X just to attend for 6h on funded ("free") hours from now. So starting next week I'll have six weeks to tidy and clear out. I keep talking about this but it's on my mind a lot as I want to move furniture and can't really do that until I have a kiddo-free flat - so next week it begins.

The great big minus is that it's six months since I lost my mum. It feels like it happened to another person. It feels both totally detached and yet very raw, and both yesterday and a century ago. It feels both sharp reality and just a bad dream.

I follow a lady who kindly calls herself an Uninfluencer, she is utterly normal and unaffected, which is why people like her. This week she posted a tidbit about herself. She said that six years ago she lost her mum and became acutely aware that her own time was finite and she wasn't using her time on earth in meaningful ways. She wasn't doing all the things she wanted to do "someday" and felt she needed to reprioritise to avoid having regrets. Within 12 months she gave away her stuff, quit her job, sold her house and went in another direction. That resonates with me. I don't have the "new direction" chosen physically, but I am steering my life in a new way. Financially and in terms of my home space and possessions.

What I liked most is that she has stuck with her new way of life for five years. It gives me hope. I have always struggled to make changes stick and right now I am amazed at still having decluttering motivation. A workmate, who also lost someone, reflected that when you lose someone you decide what's important, and that work doesn't "matter" anymore in the scheme of things, and I understood.

I am looking forward to building a purposeful life. For almost 50 years I have coasted along and it's time to only do what matters. It's time to get further into my own chosen stride and stop doing the dumb things others do without thinking. 

Glacial Pace

The paradox of not being a child is that life goes both way too fast and also way too slow. It's almost 72h since I finished my most recent work shift, I didn't do anything strenuous, and I'm still aching. Little X had an awfully unsettled day at home following the usual long day at nursery without sleep the day before. Me being at work two days a week effectively ruins five days a week for us. So I've written my resignation letter.

Nursery has told me that she has 15 funded hours per week until the end of the school year, so I'm just going to leave her in and have her attend shorter days. Once I finish with work I should have three more weeks of nursery and I'm using those days to do a deep clean and ready the flat for sale.

Currently close to half way through the "stuff exodus" and I hope to have it mostly complete before work ends. Loads has left which was brand new and worth a fair bit of money, but guess what, I haven't missed any single item, at all. It's just as valuable to me on the sales shelves of a charity shop as it was at my place buried in a box.

Vague victory: after missing their call twice due to them hanging up after one ring, I enjoyed countless transfers and cutoffs today on the phone for 2 hours with the DWP. End result I finally managed to pay my £634 National Insurance top up. 👏 The budgeting advance did turn up 👏 and the UC people have just been in complete silence in response to my "WTF are you doing?". But I have it... and I've spent it, catching up with my maintenance arrears on the flat. So I've updated my list. It's nice to see it shrinking. 💪 

UC Shenanigans

UC declined to pay for my childcare from the Flexible Support Fund due to a dumb technicality, meaning I had 3 working days to magic the money. They then decided to waste time instead of processing a budgeting loan. I managed to get it done on the phone today in four minutes flat (nice work call centre, thank you) and I should have it in a couple of days. I then got an automated message in my journal that it's approved, with details of my repayment schedule, followed by a human response 10h later that I'm not eligible for it. I hope the latter is a dumb mistake, but it's so bloody annoying! I've fired off a rant and demanded a mandatory reconsideration - I want to knock out my maintenance arrears as well. UC should then also reimburse the child care in around a month under the standard deal. Touch wood.

I've felt really flat for the past week and I'm mentally drained. I'm still struggling just to give things away when a little voice is trying to tell me to stop and sell it. I got so fed up with this "property anchor" clutter that I've just deactivated my Vinted page and loaded up five bags for the charity shop. 👏

I bought a toasted sandwich maker yesterday to make pancakes in, and it's beyond disappointing - it is just so slow that it's impractical, 20 minutes to even vaguely look done. Once I recover from the disappointment I might try as thin crepes.

I did manage to sell my dining table + 2 chairs, for £20 (I never used it) and gifted them two extra folding chairs as well. I have someone coming to buy my white wardrobe for £25 - when you never open it, you don't need it OR its contents. 😂 I will be glad of a little bit more space.