Holding Onto Potential

It occurred to me I'm doing this in so many aspects of my life. I have successfully decluttered more than 90% of my holdings, items that crowded up my flat and my life for years, things I kept because they were potentially worth money. I was holding them all while not addressing the reality of who I am, which is: a person of more optimism than action.

I've found the last 10% quite difficult. I've made mental excuses for weeks. Even the last bit of the painting, which will be a hallelujah moment, I have delayed. I haven't felt "ready" for what it will mean (dealing with the floor) which is in turn a delaying tactic on selling my flat. Because selling now feels like I copped out. The flat wasn't renovated to get the maximum profit, it didn't meet potential, yarda. I don't even want to deal with the floor because again, maximum potential would be new carpet and I can't afford that... More lost potential. And all of it, summed up, is lost potential on the money I will (won't) have afterwards which, I fear, will not be enough to do even basic existence.

I've decided I will go back to Australia. Day-to-day living, while expensive, is far less punitive to families with children. Even given the exchange rate and cost of living, the UK is keeping us in absolute poverty and Australia would double our standard of living. Thus is the realisation I probably can't afford to buy any kind of housing with the sale proceeds of this flat. And the hesitation in eroding even 1% of that by not renovating as best I can.

But reality demands I go back to two things: I'm going backwards financially week-on-week, so renovating only gets harder and the deadline for overdue maintenance fees only gets closer. And two, I am a person of more optimism than action.

So the tack has stepped up a gear and now I'm not decluttering 90% in order to move house, I'm decluttering 99% in order to be reduced to three suitcases. It is really, really difficult. Send mojo. 

Feeling Super, Super

Super, super sorry for myself. Yesterday I was flexing like a boss for being on track with my painting deadline, decided to get ahead while Little X was having her daytime nap, and... one shoulder began screaming, which called a halt. Today I got another patch done before my legs began wobbling (I have learned to stop climbing ladders with the wobbles). 

On top of that I've got horrible hayfever with sneezing and crying thrown in. Related: absolutely exhausted and trying not to fall asleep all day. I have absolutely rotten physical fitness and zero stamina. I need to remember the aim. To live in a place where I actually want to walk down the street, where I've got a space for flowers of my own, and where I actually do those things (walk, and garden). I just need to keep my feet going forwards and more tasks ticked off my mental list. ✅ 

Good Stuff stack sorted ✅ but still too much of it and hard decisions need to be made. Next up will be more paperwork and some "crap boxes" to sort.

Two more bank defaults. ✅ That's 9 out of 11. They've locked me out of the apps so I will have to set up token payments manually. 

I cashed out £80 from Testerup 👏 and found another gaming rewards app too, so I'm trying that out. 

Spendy McSpenderson: clear pouches. There are loads of little things I want to sort through and not bin, so this will let me corral them and see what's inside. I also bought loads of things that were sat in my checkout list for weeks - I did actually think carefully and take my time before buying! 

Flex: I added some more money into the moving fund and it felt good. 

Full Car

It's full of stuff to return to the shop and stuff to donate. It's mostly stuff that's used occasionally. Seconds and thirds of items that realistically aren't needed. "I use this sometimes" is not the same as "I don't need this and don't want to move it to my next home". 👏 And loads of spare Little X clothes. We had too many. 

The painting actually feels like it's on the home stretch, finally. I've given myself a deadline for listing my flat for sale - I have a week to decide whether I rip out the carpet. I've been avoiding culling the Good Stuff Stack. 🤐 But I actually need the physical floor space to lay flooring. So... I think I have to face that I'm making excuses and pissing about.

Bought: nothing. I've used up all the milk and long-life milk, so today, there's ice-cream in my coffee. ☕  German Supermarket has a £5 voucher thing running again, so that's the plan for my next big shop.

Money: I now have 7 defaults visible, so only 4 to go. 🍻 #6 has locked me out of the app, and doesn't have any generic bank account number online to make payments to, like every other card does. It is also, bizarrely, not really sending any useful paperwork which has this info on it. Just a phone number to pay, and I don't want to do anything over the phone. #7 is a bank overdraft and the account no longer exists, so I have the same issue there. I happen to have a second bank account with them which is empty, so I think I'll start dropping the £2 into there each month and hope they have the sense to take it - legally they can although I understand it's rare they do. We shall see.