It's Just So Uncomfortable.

I could apply the title to a lot of things right now but for the very least, still being horridly sick and not having much money at hand. And they're related. I've lost £300 from this stupid lurgy and that would have paid almost half what I owe for maintenance charges. More than that, it's uncomfortable seeing only double digits in the bank. It isn't really a big drama, there's not really anything I urgently need and it's almost UC day, it's just weird.

I had been determined to replace the microwave this week. But for the thousandth time I wonder why I made plans at all, when this is me, and shit always goes wrong to ruin plans. I've made a (small) decision not to do any flat remodelling before sale so that expense has been removed from my list. I've also removed the "next car" fund since I can keep this car till it dies then use emergency funds. The list still seems overwhelming and ridiculous. It seems like the bottom ones will never happen because of the top ones - and new ones which will inevitably be inserted, like the maintenance charge for 2026, etc. 

What practical things did I do of late? Little X was in nursery today and while the house was empty I did some housework. I rearranged some things to give me space to move, sorted some items that I may sell, threw out four bags of clothes and junk, and put one bag into the car for donating. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 The biggest win was emptying a large "junk bag", I have a terrible habit of throwing junk into a bag that I don't want to deal with, and then it just becomes part of the furniture. It felt good to put most of it in the bin, to actually dispose of things that were still technically useful but which I simply do not need. I think it comes down to this: if a buyer came along and I could take just one car load and move, leaving all the other "stuff" in here behind, would I go? And it's yes. I keep stuff in fear of a scarcity which does not match my actual needs. I need to break this habit and live more simply, with less. 

Day 8 of Lurgy

It's just a minor cold. I didn't even feel unwell. Until the evening of the 7th day, of course, when I had a tickly cough. Wake up day 8 and feel horrendously ill with body aches, and I can see the infection in my throat. I really hope Little X hasn't felt like this. But, I have four days at home before work, so fingers crossed I get well in time. 🤞

She's been singing "Five Little Ducks". There's not really actual singing, the only sound is a vague attempt at the quacking, but there are actions, the single finger held up, bouncing up and down then going "over the hill and far away" ie, behind her ear. This morning she said "cuh ba-" at the end (come back) and started clapping. It was honestly so cute. 😍

I did manage to drag myself over to the baby bank today and picked up a dozen long-sleeved shirts for her. I hadn't thought we would need them over summer, but her eczema is now on the arms, so long sleeves it is. I didn't find the simple car or garage toy I was hoping for. On the plus side, half a bag came home while 6 bags went in their direction! 👏 #decluttering

We also managed to get the grocery shop done. I was far too optimistic about the small shop we were going to do and I spent more than I wanted to. But here we are. My microwave now looks seriously ill - it's looked terrible for ages but the paint is completely lifting underneath and I now suspect half the energy isn't even ending up in the food, so I will be buying one from work this week (£40.49 with my discount). I also want a pancake maker to create veggie waffles for Little X, but that will have to wait a bit longer. The maintenance arrears bill is on my mind and I've missed a week of work, you see. I still have £700 of arrears which I hope will be repaid by end of June. 🤞

I Could Have

... pushed through and gone to work today. We're both snotty, but on the mend. I know that if we'd gone in, she'd be stumbling around exhausted at nursery, unable to get herself to relax. It was the right decision even though I feel lazy.

I'm second-guessing my vague game plan of having all ducks in a row then selling my flat. I'm wishing it was sold already. Maybe I'd be better off slapping paint over the rough walls, decluttering and selling without moving first. 🤔 It would be worth less, but possibly be better for us overall. 

I haven't decided about that... but I have decided to stop with reusable nappies. They take up too much space and they're becoming less pleasant as kiddo ages. I did my bit. (Ye gods am I becoming like a Boomer, I'm older now so who cares about the environment?)

The new perspective on stuff: I had originally bought more furniture to store my stuff. Now I want the furniture gone because it has allowed me to have too much stuff. I need to be less attached to keeping things "just in case" or because "it's worth something". 🤔

One more card issuer has closed my account. The debt charity is still sending me statements and behaving as if our (cancelled) arrangement is still full-steam ahead... Several banks are still referencing the (cancelled) debt management plan (including the bank which has handed by debt over to a debt collection company). Nobody seems bothered that this DMP isn't actually doing anything. I'm kinda intrigued how long this odd limbo will go on. 

Tail-Chasing

I've now been back at work for two weeks - four shifts completed so far - and I'm tired. Physically, I was an old lady after the first two shifts, rediscovering muscles I had forgotten existed (and I am certainly not doing physically-strenuous work, in fact, I've had it easy). But Little X, while utterly unconcerned at being left at nursery and not particularly relieved when I return, is equal parts clingy and utterly shattered on the days following each visit. She has thrown her nap schedule into the bin, refusing to sleep for the entire day at nursery and crashing into slumber as soon as we're home, closing on 5pm. Even on the "at home" days she falls asleep early and then insists on staying awake for the entire afternoon, resulting in a cranky kiddo. I wish I didn't need to work. It's nice to have adult conversation and my workmates have welcomed me back warmly but it's playing havoc with the mummy/kidlet energy levels.

Work is also a bit of a revolving door of staff. Favourite mini boss is leaving. 😭 I am disappointed but not surprised. Buddy-miniboss was sacked 😲 and replaced with Bert from Sesame Street, utterly dull. Newbie Miniboss #2 is apparently popular and seems nice, I will call them Slim Shady. I already lost Good Boss to a sister store and his replacement is totally Frasier from Cheers. Even poor Big Boss is clearly burnt out and has been remarkably candid about it all, saying that Frasier just doesn't jive the same way and the workplace culture has shifted under pressure from above. The whole feel has changed. We are all in there to work, collect our pay and leave. It isn't the cuddly helpy family it used to be. Even Model, who used to be emotionally invested, now seems cold and robotic. But as long as the company gives me the freedom I have earned, I'll stay (although money is also the only reason I'm there now myself). 😁

Sigh, on top of all the other reasons I need this money, I've received my accounts for the flat maintenence charge and thanks to their shitty creative retrospective increased accounting, I "owe" even more than I should. Worse, they are going to bill me for more of the major building work than they should. I am frankly disgusted and it's an amount that means I will need to pursue this formally (if not legally) but before I can go down that route I have to pay everything they claim I owe - and then fight it afterwards. I don't have enough to do that just yet. It will take me a few months. It's very disheartening. Time to change that list there on the right, and hope they are so disorganised that the building works don't get arranged for another year. Time also to rethink my longterm plan, which seems so hard to get my brain around, when the goalposts just keep moving.

The £634 for my NI contribution is safely tucked away and I am reassured they have my info and will be in touch soon to collect it.

I have a monster cold (as does Little X) and mine is a sinus infection and we are irritated at the world. I'm hoping it goes away in the next 3 days so I don't have to miss work. 🤞

Received: several letters from banks that certain things "might" happen if I don't X, Y Z. So far none of the "might"s have actually been of any consequence. Only one has passed on my account, and so far, no contact from the new administrator. The debt management company agreed I was definitely not going ahead with them, but is asking for payments still... I suppose it's extra unintentionally stalling. 🤷

Routine

I always buy a supermarket gift card when TopCashBack has their bonus deal. This time it was a £2 bonus as usual but the minimum spend has gone up to £10. Still very worthwhile to me, so, done deal this week. I did also go to Food Club, an exercise becoming ever-more tedious because the prices have gone up, so the saving is lower. We did stay for lunch. 

I need to move more. I'm getting stiff and sore just sitting for a couple of hours on the sofa. Not to mention it's now pretty uncomfortable since its last repair (the first few times I replaced the support strapping, but that keeps failing within weeks, so I gave up and hammered wooden slats across instead). It sure isn't the sofa's fault that I'm unfit, though. 😳 I need to actually get off my butt. Little X could do with the air, sun and stimulation, too.

The mailbox is still remarkably empty. It feels odd not to have the banks really demanding their money. It means I just twiddle my thumbs until each Universal Credit pay day. That's the day I dole out the money (admittedly there are not very many bills to pay anymore) and otherwise my most productive money thoughts are "imagine if I did X" and "I need to buy bread and milk soon". 🤔 

I have two offers from German Supermarket: spend £25 to get £5 off (I need to do this by tomorrow) and a second one for a free fiver if I spend £30. Unfortunately they can't be combined. I'm definitely going to struggle to actually do the second one, I'd end up either buying junk or buying rarely-used items I could get from Food Club for much cheaper. 🤔 The big-ticket items are robot lawnmowers and picnic benches, so that's a no, thank you. I'll have to think about it.

Old-School Bargains

I dropped Little X at nursery during the week for her last trial session and since I knew we were running out of her vitamins, I walked around to the children's centre to pick some up. This was a dangerous move as I haven't been non-groceey shopping in a very long time and it left me in close proximity to several charity shops with 45 minutes left at my parking spot.

I went in hoping to find myself some black trainers for work. I've been needing to buy some for two years 😬 and my soles are very close to letting water in through the bottom. I actually got lucky in the second shop so my new £3.50 memory foam trainers are currently in the wash, and I am really pleased. I also picked up a singing book for Little X for 20p - we have another one in the set so this will be a winner. It needed new batteries though so £1.50 has gone to ebay on those.

Lastly I got a Fisher-Price toy phone for £1.50. I'm not entirely sure Little X will ever play with it but it was a nostalgia thing. I remember having one as a kid and it formed part of every game of "shops". One of the mums at Baby Group heard us discussing retro toys last year and she excitedly jumped onto Vinted to find one. Never mind that she was born in 2005 and has never used a house phone herself or played with the same toy as a child 😂 she just thought it would amuse her grandmother to see it! This is where we are, in three generations the home phone entered our lives and is already leaving.

It struck me just now that these are finds I would have told my mum about. It's OK though, I can be happy that she taught me how to find a bargain. 🙂

The Strides

I am pleased to recount that Boss man has approved my fixed days and hours 👏 so the countdown begins. We've done a few settling-in sessions at nursery and Little X is unconcerned when I leave - I watched her through the window today after I'd been "gone" for 15 minutes and she was toddling around with toys in hand and doing her own thing. It feels like a milestone accomplished. Although... It takes a silly amount of time to pack Little X's things the night before and to prepare her food in the morning - with everything labelled. And so far it's only one meal. I may just come undone when it's water bottle, milk, breakfast, lunch, two snacks and then I have to make my own lunch 😂

I have offered longer days to Boss and in return he is happy for me to take unpaid leave for the nursery holidays not covered by my leave entitlement. I will still be under the earnings threshold for Universal Credit so I will keep all my earnings. But I was disappointed to realise that by agreeing to the bigger-than-planned contract, I will lose lost of my council tax reduction. Honestly it's no wonder there are people who don't work for a decade... I will be working for about £8 an hour once that slap combines with my nursery fees and my transport costs. Oh well, let's call it cheaper than therapy. 

I may try to find a home child carer for holidays so that I can work those weeks too. We'll see.

I had an unexpected win this week, I picked up a handbag and heard a jingle of coins, ka-ching. I've spent far too much on "unexpected" things for the past few weeks but the coins meant that going to German Supermarket cost me only a pound from my bank account. Most of the Favourite Supermarket vouchers remain unused, but German Supermarket was on the way to where I was already driving. We did manage to get over to Food Club this week and ate a nice toastie for lunch.

Got my £100 for the food research. ✅

Can I?

While I spend many hours calculating where my money is going to (and then some), I know from experience that Things Happen™, and it's irritating. I can figure out what I'll be able to save in theory, but then unexpected things upset the budgetary apple cart. Little X might love nursery and I might feel organised and energetic and I may work extra days. Or the reverse could be true.

At a rough calculation, on current known figures, I decided I might be ready to do the first half of my renovation in January 2027. That's really irritating and frustrating. It seems like as each major expense gets knocked out, some other one will step in and take its place, sucking all the spare pounds away to things that don't benefit me in the slightest. I must try to harness that feeling to work harder to earn money and get ahead with my savings.

I redid my widget thingy because it was a pain changing every item every week. The figures make an enormous total. How do people, like, live? Those aren't even things I want for myself, or in any way crazy or extravagant, but on my tiny income they look ridiculous. It's a bit demoralising.

I know this mood is just a blip. I'm trying not to dwell on these realities and get on with, well, life. This too shall pass. 

Dumb Things

This piece of musical brilliance is in honour of today's shopping escapades. I went to Big Bargain Shop to spend the rest of the credit on my perks card and bought too much to fit in my freezer. Then for Everything Else at German Supermarket, I overspent and emptied the cash in my purse, forcing me to whip out the debit card. It was only £4, but I'm irritated, we do not need to buy £54 of groceries in one day! 

We toured another child care centre today and despite being pricy, it's the winner. I can claim from the whole fee, there are no extras, and they've offered to let me pay in instalments. ♥️ It's a lovely, kind environment and (winner!) most kids DIY lunch from home so Little X would not be the only one. ♥️ Time to lock the days in with Boss. I did buy markers, plain labels and snack boxes for Little X's nursery lunch, and a small backpack. 

I also decided to buy her a set of table and chairs, crayons and paper. Lately it feel like she's sorta missing out on certain things and experiences. I refuse to do paint or play doh (I'm sure she'll do those at nursery) but she can certainly learn to sit on a chair and scribble with a crayon. I must summon the confidence to put her into the Beach Play group in May and take her down to the sand and water play area nearby. 

I know that nursery is why I went nuts on shopping. She's not even starting full days for another 2 weeks, but I'm paranoid about packing lunches that look "acceptable" 🤦🏻‍♀️ and in her getting used to a broader range of foods. I suppose I just want my small human to be like every other kid, even though she is stuck with me! 

Anyway. Debt Charity have acknowledged my cancellation (good). It looks as though I will get a small cost-of-living payment in April (good) and hopefully the Nationwide bank bonus as well as their annual Fair Share bonus (not sure, they've promised me the first one, but I kinda owe them loads of money). Food research says I will get my payment soon. April is looking good, now to see what sort of debt letters turn up...

Horse-Holding

I was looking at the home page of a nearby preschool, wondering if they might take Little X next year so that I could return to work when she's older. To my surprise they take babies and their fees are very low. I have RSVP'd for their open night which just happens to be next week. They're full at present. Realising that they might not be the only ones though, I contacted two more. One has definite space (woo) and has invited me to visit (woo) but they are not cheap (boo). 👏 It's a five minute drive away, but like the first place I visited, parking is 💩 so it looks as though I will need to invest in a waterpoof jacket if the centre looks good. I think despite the cost and inconvenience, I will need to go ahead. 

Six toddler-sized toy cars arrived in the mail, thank you sis. They are a huge hit and a very-tired Little X began crying tonight as she wanted to pick up all 6 to show me, but couldn't manage to get them all into her hands at once. 😂 It was absolutely adorable. She is obsessed. I may need to hide three of them for a while to manage the frustration.

Council tax bill is only £22 per month. 👏 I have bought supermarket vouchers to get the cashback again, because apparently, I am being responsible with my food spending and it will be ok to stop using cash. Unexpectedly found enough in my Everup account to cover me for this month, yay. I should spend the last few pounds of my work bonus card credit somewhere, probably at Frozen Food Warehouse. And I must haul myself off to Big Cheap Clothes shop soon and use an old voucher which is still hanging around.

I recalculated my maintenance arrears for the flat. I am still not really sure what I owe, because they only send accounts once a year, but it looks like it's £1,500. I found a note in my phone were I've written that I owe more, though, so... well right now I've put £1,500 in my goals list over there ---> and if it's the bigger amount I will just deal with it somewhere in the future. I think it was remembering this missing debt which prompted me to look again at various childcare options. Keeping my work income would make such a difference. 🙏

I've also cancelled my DMP in preparation for self-management. Here's hoping it's as straightforward as it seems.

Ughness

So I've weighed it up and down and round about. There doesn't seem to be appropriate, affordable child care that will mesh with my changing work rota, so I'm going to give notice. I could have fought for fixed shifts or phoned a hundred home carers, but to tell the truth it will be a relief.

Another bank has locked my online account and two of them on my credit score show as "late payment". Neither has communicated anything but it's progress. Also, Debt Charity fixed the account that was messed up. 👍 But I'm still going to dump them shortly and go it alone.

This week I went over £1,000 in my "everything" fund. 🥳 And I still have grocery money left, with six days to go.

I am currently watching the Michael Sheen documentary where he wants to buy a million pounds of consumer debt and kill it for 100k. At the moment he seems genuinely perplexed as to why banks are making such an insane amount of interest out of the poorest in society - 40 or even 50 percent. I could tell you why mate, it's because so many of them will be unable to pay. You know, because they're the poorest. In all honesty they (we) shouldn't have been allowed to borrow it in the first place, being such high risk.

Real change needs to be about indoctrinating our children into saving for a rainy day. Not just a few pounds, but permantently living below their means. It hasn't been a thing since before the Baby Boomers were born.

Inconvenient Amnesia

I know it's March, but somehow I forgot that means April is almost here. And the 5th of April is the HMRC deadline for topping up missing NI years for the state pension. It's a terribly boring subject in general but basically, in my first financial year here I didn't pay enough NI to have the year counted towards a pension. You have the option to "top it up" with a cash payment which I sort of ignored last year due to being broke. Well, I'm still broke, but now it's my last chance. So I've got £700 about to jump out of my stash for this. It's a lot of money but will easily give me thousands more in my meagre pension and free money is good.

This leaves me with £250-ish and ideally I should save about £800 for maintenance arrears. I won't have £800 by April though, so I'll just have to pay what I can.

Big news - the bank which only just promised me fees are cancelled forever, has sent me notice of intention to default! This is actually great and much faster than expected. Now waiting for "the" letter and for the big red D to appear on my credit report. One down, 10 to go. The debt charity has told me they've corrected the account with the wrong number, but no, they have not. Oh well.

Work denied my leave for the month of June. I hope it was just a supervisor denying it by mistake, because most of them (and the boss) know I haven't yet returned to work. It's not the end of the world if I do go back then but I need to confirm which days they'll schedule me and somehow find £350 for child care up front.

I finished my £100 baby food study (phew) and it was actually enough effort to make the amount of cash seem appropriate. Now for the money to come my way quickly, please!

Roast chicken for dinner. I'm trying to empty my freezer because there's loads in there, I've just been too picky for too long.

I Just Gotta Letterrrr

....from Debt Charity, about that hold message on Overdraft Bank. It states the bank can't find account number 1234 5687, making the problem obvious, two of the digits are back-to-front. I have emailed them asking for the correction, since their DIY instructions don't work, but I thoroughly expect them to blab on about phoning them again and that's not happening.

I managed to take two bags of stuff to the baby bank (I forgot about the bagful already in my car 🤦🏻‍♀️) and I was hoping to find certain things... walking shoes, socks, vests, and toy cars without small pieces. I went home with wellies which light up, Christmas socks, canvas sandals, two vests and a rubber ball. Not a terrible result and Little X is obsessed with the ball! Oh and I got the most gorgeous little walking boots.

Currently awaiting a £35 payout from TopCashBack 👏

I'm finding Sundays a real drag because there is no chance of any letters in the mail. Imagine that, wanting to get mail. I think I am just impatient for news because it makes me feel informed?

PS I cleaned the wellies and now the lights don't work. Not too bothered though, I would rather Little Miss Wobbly Walker didn't have her eyes transfixed on her feet.

Poison Ivy Card's Poisonous Move

Today I received a letter in the mail from Poison Ivy Card. Despite informing me nine days ago that they had applied 60 days of Breathing Space, they cheerily announced that it has now ended. This is a slight counting fail. Maybe they decided that a Debt Charity payment arrangement negates Breathing Space? Maybe they have frozen interest already? There's nothing in their app to indicate either one. 🤷 I am not really concerned, I just find it rude. 😁

On the other hand one of my smallest creditors, a bank which has been rather rude even when everything was completely up-to-date, has accepted £5 per month until the balance is gone, and they have disabled any future interest and fees forever. That's what I like to see.

I have submitted a change of bank for work pay, but HMRC asked me to call back in one week when today's direct debit will have been applied at their end. They are the last two companies I need to remove from Overdraft Bank so that my money can't be swallowed into fees. Once that is done I will tell Debt Charity goodbye. They emailed today refusing my previously approved budget, won't discuss it all by email, and would I like to nominate a friend to phone them... er no. All up this is just yet another unhelpful thing they have done, so, buh-bye.

In non-DMP-related news, my building manager has announced maintenance charges of an extra £1,800 for essential works. You can't get blood out of a stone and I'm not the only one behind in payments, so... meh. 🤷

I reached payout of £50 on YouGov and £1 from WeAre8 😀 and also won a fiver for RevComps tickets, so I am looking forward to winning the gold bullion. That'd be nice, huh? 😄

Assortment of Spanners in the Works

I finally managed to log into the debt charity site, and Overdraft Bank has a marker beside it that it is "Held" and they're unable to make payments to the debt. I am of no mind to call them in the least, because I found out they aren't doing everything in my interest, so it looks as though self-management is a better way to go. It isn't ideal for me to have to find the mental energy to self-manage but I think this is what I will need to do. I will need to write to each bank with a monthly offer and hope it gets accepted.

It's an odd situation to be able to approach this now as a project and without shame. Shame is no longer the right perspective - I have had the revelation. This is - all - purely business to those banks, and my situation is factored into their business model, and yawningly routine for them. They send their flurry of red envelopes knowing that most customers will panic and pay. But there's a wealth of info out there on forums on how to approach it all and what not to do. So I'm going to be informed. And I am going to be doggedly determined and in this for the long game.

Life in G Flat

Feeling really flat. Had a good chat with my sister about it and she's in the same boat. The convo was prompted by Mum's birthday but it wasn't even that really. It's really hard when you realise your life priorities aren't what they should have been, and you're not sure what they should be or what you actually want, and can't figure out how to move forward. I think this is what people mean when they say "it's hard" - not that they are necessarily a teary mess 24/7, but that they have realised their life road map is blank and haven't got a clue how to get around anymore. And everyone around us is capable which makes it feel even more perplexing. Like, how do they do that? How do they adult? How do they plan for their futures, how do they make decisions? I used to know how to do this shit.

Anyway. The only option in this position is to keep walking forwards. So I do. The debt charity has approved my Debt Management Plan 🥳 but I haven't yet received the postal access code to get in and potter about and understand their online system. They sent over the amounts per creditor and I was surprised to find most will receive exactly £5, so now I wait to see if they all accept the proposal, then will let it run for a few months and see how I feel after that. The market research stuff arrived for Little X, I duly got it all ready and she shoved it away three times in a row. Safe to say she is not a fan. I mixed it with something from my kitchen cupboards and it eventually went down. I will still be honest and tell them it was rejected.

I actually got myself together and went off to Big Warehousey Supermarket to spend some money that has been sitting in a gift card for months. I had been going to buy a new micro, but it is still working fine despite looking awful, so I will just deal with it when it dies. £35 was on a non-refundable gift card and the electrical shops I could actually use it in are far too expensive anyway. BWS is the only place foodwise where I could go. They are absolutely not good value at all, they are convenience store prices, but I treated it like free money and came home with £25 worth of food. Treat: a proper curry. I haven't had one in a long long time and it was £2 and I made my own rice to go with it. Winner.

Bullet-Pointed Procrastination

I have loads of little things I would like to save money for right now. A girl's got a lotta dreams for someone with no cash, etc. 😁 But I haven't had any choice on where money had to go for a long time, it always just had to go on debts and survival.

So what did I do? Made a little graph thingy instead of doing more surveys for cash like I should. Or investment work, which irritates me so much now that I have largely ignored it for a couple of weeks. All my unused pennies are going into the same savings account, but it's nice thinking about all the different things they could cover so I've made it visual.

This fund will also be for things I know are coming but are big, like yearly insurance bills, quarterly power bills, MOT on the car, and road tax, etc. The car will need some repairs, probably by the end of the year. Even if I keep the car maintained throughout the rest of its financing (2.5 years) it'll be 13 years old by then, so that's the reason I have a "Next Car Fund" and obviously it's not urgent.

The flat remodel is just for a new wall and to move the kitchen, but will involve some plumbing, some electric, and also some moving house costs as well. For the Decluttering, I did a quick inventory of my belongings and figure that I could lose 100 small bags/boxes of possessions. I am counting the 3 bags which left the house last week. 

👜👕🏈👗👚👝💼📦🎨🎒🎾🔰👖🎩🎽

Moral reassurance: I am reading the very long online diary of a lady who went into a similar debt repayment arrangement. Hesitation: you're apparently not supposed to start your DMP until all your debts default. Even if you plan to pay all of it back. So I will ask the charity whether to hold fire. They still haven't approved me and I'm getting antsy with the waiting.

I need to visit the Food Club this week. It's a pain, but it does save me money.

Correspondence

The letters have begun arriving, creditors assuring me that interest and charges have been paused for two months of Breathing Space. I also received a huge Action Plan pack from the debt charity. So I found a stack of folders and I have begun filing each letter correctly to keep them ordered. I will need this paper trail for quite a long time. I also found a brand-new exercise book and I am planning to keep track of figures and debtors in there, for motivation. In ridiculous random colours, because I can, and because that makes it more fun. I may invest in stickers.

My Universal Credit money turned up early. It was an odd feeling to see it sat there in the account which nobody else can touch. For a moment I reflected on how this was "all I had" and then I realised, it's more loose cash than I actually had left available in credit last month. And there's several hundred more stashed over in the new savings account. And I didn't spend all of my grocery money either, despite going shopping yesterday.

I called Overdraft Bank today as I'm "supposed" to, trying to have the overdraft removed from my account and turned into a separate debt. This is intended to stop future fees and charges from eating into my money and allow me to control the rate that I repay that debt. They say they can't do it until the debt charity contacts them with a repayment offer. So that was annoying, it means I have to call several other places to move their direct debits away. 80 minutes on hold to the car finance company. 😑 And on Monday I will need to call the insurance.

£2 again from TopCashBack for buying a £5 Asda voucher, yes thanks! 

Even though this debt arrangement is taking up a lot of mental real estate, it's a good thing to have something to focus on. Apart from that my main goal was "escape this flat" which is not a very productive thought process while I have no means to do so. 😄 So I think I should figure out small things to achieve in the interim. Hmmm.

Floor-Pacing and Education

I'm still waiting to find out if my Debt Management Plan will go ahead. They wrote back to me asking for more documents and to explain various expenses and spending. I've supplied it all and it was a bit weird - I have been 100% honest, but I feel as though they're about to shout at me that I've been caught. It's strange. A little bit like that feeling when a police car siren comes up from behind and even though you've done nothing wrong, you draw in a breath and wait to be pulled over. 

🚓

I am still adjusting to the immediate first change, that is, not to have credit available. I was never someone who went nuts buying random items with it, but for five years it's always just been... there. I need something, no worries, I can have it. I might need to figure out which card, but it has been a given that there will always be a way I can buy what I need. Now, of course, that isn't true, and I have to stop and think because spending can't be undone and there won't be options if I get it wrong. It's tricky,

I have made the decision to take £70 of my £90 grocery money out in cash each month, so that I have the physical process of looking at what I can spend. It leaves a significant amount put aside for big bills, so I have opened a savings account paying 4%. I kept £20 for groceries to last until pay day and threw the rest in my new account.

Then oops. I jump in the car and bing, the fuel light came on. The savings account takes up to 3 working days to withdraw. Oops indeed. No other way to buy fuel. I hit "transfer" and realised I might need to spend food money, which was really depressing. Fortunately it went through before I even got to the petrol station... but lesson learned. It wasn't a nice feeling. I think it was a feeling I needed to feel. It has made me more determined to embrace this.

I belatedly had a realisation too, I won't be able to go with my original plan of move out, renovate this flat, sell for maximum price. I can't borrow the money and the cost of the renovation is more than I thought, too, so I wouldn't have made any profit. I'll need to at last pay for the layout conversion (new partition wall, kitchen ripped out, new kitchenette near the bathroom). That's still a few thousand, on top of needing to find moving costs, so I have plenty of time to think it over. 😆

Well, That Escalated Quickly

My Week in Money Land

Poison Ivy Card Issuer 1 & 2: How about we cut your monthly payments? 😍

Large Balance Supermarket Credit Card: we're not helping you. Ask the others. 

Personal Loan Issuer: You can't afford to pay half as much, so just keep paying the whole lot. Work with this Impartial Financial Planner or we won't help you.

Impartial Financial Planner: Can I sell you an investment product? Do you want to buy shares?

Me: Well, Self, 3/4 of the debt is not budging. Time for the fun and games... 

Three hours of fighting a shitty website form on a debt charity site and finally, finally I get to their recommendations and finally the thing stopped crashing, and it's all filled in, an income and expenditure report done. They've given me a budget and they recommended I go down the route of offering a settlement - only for me to download the pack and discover, that requires the sale of my flat, which isn't practical even if I wanted to. Back to the drawing board, the whole lot done again, and I have applied for a Debt Management Plan, which I hadn't thought would be possible. This involves me paying one affordable set amount each month to the charity, which distributes pieces of it to each lender and deals with them on my behalf. In theory lenders can still ask me for more money even with a DMP in place and do so via the courts, but evidently at my asset level it's a low chance. Fingers crossed.

The parts I like the best is that Loan Bank, with the biggest original repayments, which said no to cutting my repayments in half, will now receive less than 15%.

Prevailing wisdom in Internet Land is that I should have stopped paying everyone, and then default, before offering a tiny settlement. I couldn't bring myself to do it though... It'll all get paid, it's just a matter of a lotta patience. 🙏

On tenterhooks now while I wait to be approved...