The Loud Hush

It's been completely quiet from my solicitor now for an entire week. I paid for the info pack eight days ago and it takes the building manager 7-14 days to hand it over... So the buyer is also twiddling his thumbs, no doubt, wondering what kind of surprises might lurk in that pile of documents.

My fridge and sofa are in place 😍 and I'm thrilled to have both. But, me being me, I'm now focused all the "I haven't got" items and I'm thoroughly pissed off with the floor in particular. It's filthy dirty and I can't clean it. Our feet are always black and all I can feel underfoot are crumbs and grit. Little X then walks that completely across the bedsheets (since the mattress is on the floor and I can't keep her off it). My auntie has a mop which I'll be getting hold of in a few days, but my sister had ideas about giving me a Christmas vacuum - I can't wait weeks, I'll lose the plot. I may need to beg to borrow hers for a whip over the floor this weekend, before I go crazy.

Centrelink partly decided I exist, messed it up, and then took an hour on the phone to fix it. Not an hour in a queue, an hour of them typing, asking me to wait a minute, typing more, checking with a colleague, etc. Thankfully they also got my tax debt repayments paused for a few months. I'm still waiting for the second benefit to be processed. Hopefully it's before New Year. 🙄 The tax people, incidentally, decided my date of birth, passport, tax file number and address aren't enough proof of who I am, and have told me to post in a form. 🙄

These distractions are irritating but probably for the best, because the first anniversary of losing my mum is at the end of the week. We're going to sit with her then have lunch after. It'll be the first time I see her grave. I'm a little bit in a fog when I think about it all. 😔

Mile-Long List

In a sort-of order of urgency. Which is unfortunately not the order I'd prefer to follow. 🙄

• Fridge - on the way
• Washing machine (arrives January) 
• Mattress (got it) 
• Whipper Snipper to tame the grass - it's really hot and dry for now so it isn't growing, touch wood
• Vacuum cleaner (being gifted by a relative) 
• Mop and bucket (ditto) 
• Bed frame, quilt, cotton sheets (got the sheet) 
• Sofa (on the way) 
• Drawers and wardrobes
• Rug for living room

The IKEA order arrived. It's completely wrong. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I unrolled my new mattress, but it was the wrong one 🤦🏻‍♀️ and there were two more wrong ones on my patio 🤦🏻‍♀️ and no chairs, sheets, mattress protector or coffee table that I actually ordered. Unimpressed. 😒 They eventually got the right mattress out but still screwed that up - two identical ones turned up and the delivery driver had to be cajoled into only leaving one, and that yes, he did also have to take three incorrect ones away, not two. I cancelled everything else they were sending and dragged Little X out on the bus, in the heat, to buy a single stool and some bedding so we could actually function. 

Fortune then decided to shine on me ☀️ and the house down the street also threw out two outdoor chairs and a high-backed dressing chair. As you can see the chair is a mess of furniture chalk paint and it's coming off with a good scrub. It'll only have a vague black-scratched look. I think it will be great for hanging jeans etc that I want to wear again the next day.  

I am still waiting for Medicare and Centrelink to care that I exist. They take forever and are grossly ineffective on the phone - you don't get to speak with the ones who make any decisions, and whether they'll accept my mixed load of documents is always a guessing game - and if they don't, they do not tell you, it's up to you to call and say, hey, is everything OK? No, no, it's not, try sending this and then call back in 3 days to see if it's acceptable. Too bad for someone who was actually homeless and penniless, right? I have the roof but until yesterday was sharing a blow up single mattress with a toddler and had nothing to sit on... And was seriously thinking my first rent payment might not get made... I actually thought I'd be cooking up luncheon meat for every meal this week (and I shopped for it accordingly). Yes, it's all Ritz luxury around here. 🙄

Fortunately a payment I'd been waiting on arrived, and I'm just going to add that my sister gave me a huge bag of food, unasked. 😍 So I had enough to order my sofa and to cover food for another ten days. And also, I made the most delicious dinner today with luncheon meat. 😁 

We Are In

Sans furniture, but we're in. I've done quite a lot of saying to myself how happy I am. 😊 I will admit that my lower back and feet are killing me as I've got no chairs - I've alternated between the single blow up mattress and perching on some storage boxes from my sister's place. We managed to get saucepans, utensils, a sheet set (flannelette 😮‍💨) and the score of all scores - a $12 air fryer! 👏

Sis also kindly bought me a kettle, microwave and toaster. 😍

Little X is slowly adjusting, but also digging into bags and boxes non-stop. Sis asked if I'd unpacked yet... And I thought, unpacked into what? There's no furniture... 😂 

I've bought absolute minimums, ie a mattress arrives tomorrow (no funds for the bed yet) and two chairs. Plus a small table for Little X as she's got a chair. Fridge is coming in a week since buying ice will bankrupt me. Washer arrives in a few days.

Freebie win: these, dumped across the road. 

They have a few scratches and slight moisture marks but they are perfectly serviceable, and besides, bedside tables weren't even in my "buy later" list.

Now if I knew I could pay bills after next week, life would be just grand. Stay tuned. 

Bursting!

I have been checking the real estate webpages constantly, waiting for my UK flat to be listed. Nada. I was getting annoyed. Then the agent called. He has already shown three people through (!) and one has offered the asking price (!!)

To say I'm stoked would be an understatement. He also wants a quick settlement and hopes to be all done and dusted by Christmas. Insanity, said I, 'tis but four weeks till law firms close for the holidays... but even mid-January would be lovely.

It does make me wish more cheap Australian homes would appear. But I think I'm resigned to renting and saving for a while. Here's hoping my conveyancer is at least telling the truth when claiming to be fast.

And good news #2, we have a flat to rent! I'm over the moon. I'm also really skint after paying the deposit and advance rent. So skint I'm not sure how we will manage until Centrelink get their shit together and process my claims for income support and family payments. I'd call my mood half stoked, half anxious. Fortunately, family have offered a lot of things we will need. 🙏 

The Seven-Day Fog

I don't quite know how, but we made it. We've been here a week and it's been a roller coaster. The plane ride was exhausting but surviveable. We've been out every day since chasing up papers and forms and and and.

The accommodation didn't work out (filthy and they asked me to leave as Little X was too loud at night... Yes thanks I will have that refund). My sister has kindly taken us in. 

Income support won't even be processed for another 3-4 weeks. 😔 We have money to get by, but without that regular income proof, renting is near impossible. I applied for a place that looked great, but as expected we were turned down flat. I suspect that's going to be the first of many. I'm putting more applications in every time I see a good place.

Cannot relax at all. I'm in someone else's home, Little X never stops moving and I'm continually worried she'll break something or hurt herself. I'm so primed for our own place. I really just want to be hunting down furniture and establishing a routine. 

It All Comes Together

I had to read back through my last entry to remember where I was at... The agent was a 🤬 and rendered me a panicking floozy, two working days before we fly and he refused to sign my property. Fortunately I found someone fabulous who's willing to work with me and actually thinks my flat looks great. The likely price is a disappointment, but I will have to trust the universe has a plan for me.

Little X had a great time and ran about smacking the new discovery - balloons! 🎈 

I've managed to do almost everything I'd wanted. The freezer, drawers, potty set and car seat all found new homes. 🎉 The do list of stuff still isn't short, but now the items are all small reminders instead of big tasks.

I've cooked everything left and there's just the fridge and floor to deal with. Oh and re packing, because I still think I've got too much. Please send "ruthlessness" mojo. 😊

Engage.

Well, I engaged the agent. I'm supposed to visit them on Friday to sign the paperwork, but they have just emailed that they're coming here. Er no. It won't be photo ready. Anyway. I also have a conveyancer quote ready to go for Friday afternoon.

Even though the list is getting shorter it's weighing heavier. Strange. 🤣 Maybe because I'm doing the least-worst tasks first. 😂

I did manage to post off the car paper. The auctioneer still hasn't received the go-ahead from the finance company 😒 and told me to call back at the end of the week. I told him I'm calling tomorrow! 

Hallway mini-party for Little X today 😊 🎈 

Full Steam

I finished writing letters to creditors. Obligatory change of address plus a polite request for the original credit agreements. Any which can't provide this, I no longer need to pay. I now have 9 defaults out of 11 and the nine all have token monthly payments in place. I've been to the post office, bought all the postal orders, and mailed them all off. ✅

Big big spend: plane ticket purchased! ✈️ I have my trip booked. Plus bus connection and accommodation at the end. Phew. That was a big chunk o' change. I did manage to get £25 cashback which I was happy about. Now to knuckle down on the procrastinated items. 

We did a big shop and bought things that are less easy to get at the small convenience places nearby. That marks the last car journey. Tomorrow I empty the car, advise the finance company I'm returning it, and mark it as "not mine" online with the DVLA. The auctioneer should arrange collection in just over a week.

It's still so hard to do "the list" and I am filled with loathing for it. I should be patting myself on the back as I do each one, but mostly I wish it was finished already. 

I still need to deep clean, engage the agent and choose a conveyancer. 😑

All happening now! Eleven days to go. 

Slowly slowly catchy up

Right now I'm very excited because a Spendy thing came in the mail (£6). I bought a budgeting binder. It's a little folder full of small ziplock pockets and it's meant for separating your cash into each, for example one envelope is for fuel, one for food, one for power etc. This is going to be my new hobby after I move (budgeting with cash) and I'm looking forward to being in control of my money.

Ticking off the to do list ✅ which is not short. I sat down last night to tackle the fourth "crap bag", that is, where I had shoved old paperwork and random paraphernalia. Apart from this, I've only got a handful of boxes containing "I need to do something with this" - type objects, so I was looking forward to having the last of the paperwork sorted.

It took three hours! 😫 

I threw some in the bin, but even so, the remaining paperwork weighs a ton. It's way too heavy. I'm going to need to have a more serious cull. Not something I was expecting, nor am I looking forward to it.

Next up is the deep cleaning. 😭

Holding Onto Potential

It occurred to me I'm doing this in so many aspects of my life. I have successfully decluttered more than 90% of my holdings, items that crowded up my flat and my life for years, things I kept because they were potentially worth money. I was holding them all while not addressing the reality of who I am, which is: a person of more optimism than action.

I've found the last 10% quite difficult. I've made mental excuses for weeks. Even the last bit of the painting, which will be a hallelujah moment, I have delayed. I haven't felt "ready" for what it will mean (dealing with the floor) which is in turn a delaying tactic on selling my flat. Because selling now feels like I copped out. The flat wasn't renovated to get the maximum profit, it didn't meet potential, yarda. I don't even want to deal with the floor because again, maximum potential would be new carpet and I can't afford that... More lost potential. And all of it, summed up, is lost potential on the money I will (won't) have afterwards which, I fear, will not be enough to do even basic existence.

I've decided I will go back to Australia. Day-to-day living, while expensive, is far less punitive to families with children. Even given the exchange rate and cost of living, the UK is keeping us in absolute poverty and Australia would double our standard of living. Thus is the realisation I probably can't afford to buy any kind of housing with the sale proceeds of this flat. And the hesitation in eroding even 1% of that by not renovating as best I can.

But reality demands I go back to two things: I'm going backwards financially week-on-week, so renovating only gets harder and the deadline for overdue maintenance fees only gets closer. And two, I am a person of more optimism than action.

So the tack has stepped up a gear and now I'm not decluttering 90% in order to move house, I'm decluttering 99% in order to be reduced to three suitcases. It is really, really difficult. Send mojo. 

Feeling Super, Super

Super, super sorry for myself. Yesterday I was flexing like a boss for being on track with my painting deadline, decided to get ahead while Little X was having her daytime nap, and... one shoulder began screaming, which called a halt. Today I got another patch done before my legs began wobbling (I have learned to stop climbing ladders with the wobbles). 

On top of that I've got horrible hayfever with sneezing and crying thrown in. Related: absolutely exhausted and trying not to fall asleep all day. I have absolutely rotten physical fitness and zero stamina. I need to remember the aim. To live in a place where I actually want to walk down the street, where I've got a space for flowers of my own, and where I actually do those things (walk, and garden). I just need to keep my feet going forwards and more tasks ticked off my mental list. ✅ 

Good Stuff stack sorted ✅ but still too much of it and hard decisions need to be made. Next up will be more paperwork and some "crap boxes" to sort.

Two more bank defaults. ✅ That's 9 out of 11. They've locked me out of the apps so I will have to set up token payments manually. 

I cashed out £80 from Testerup 👏 and found another gaming rewards app too, so I'm trying that out. 

Spendy McSpenderson: clear pouches. There are loads of little things I want to sort through and not bin, so this will let me corral them and see what's inside. I also bought loads of things that were sat in my checkout list for weeks - I did actually think carefully and take my time before buying! 

Flex: I added some more money into the moving fund and it felt good. 

Full Car

It's full of stuff to return to the shop and stuff to donate. It's mostly stuff that's used occasionally. Seconds and thirds of items that realistically aren't needed. "I use this sometimes" is not the same as "I don't need this and don't want to move it to my next home". 👏 And loads of spare Little X clothes. We had too many. 

The painting actually feels like it's on the home stretch, finally. I've given myself a deadline for listing my flat for sale - I have a week to decide whether I rip out the carpet. I've been avoiding culling the Good Stuff Stack. 🤐 But I actually need the physical floor space to lay flooring. So... I think I have to face that I'm making excuses and pissing about.

Bought: nothing. I've used up all the milk and long-life milk, so today, there's ice-cream in my coffee. ☕  German Supermarket has a £5 voucher thing running again, so that's the plan for my next big shop.

Money: I now have 7 defaults visible, so only 4 to go. 🍻 #6 has locked me out of the app, and doesn't have any generic bank account number online to make payments to, like every other card does. It is also, bizarrely, not really sending any useful paperwork which has this info on it. Just a phone number to pay, and I don't want to do anything over the phone. #7 is a bank overdraft and the account no longer exists, so I have the same issue there. I happen to have a second bank account with them which is empty, so I think I'll start dropping the £2 into there each month and hope they have the sense to take it - legally they can although I understand it's rare they do. We shall see. 

Mojo Recovered

So in the past few days, I have Done Some Stuff™ and while each of them is actually ridiculously minor, collectively I have been kinda busy. At least busy enough to legitimately declare that I've got my mojo back, at least for now.

I have:

• Emptied two kitchen cupboards, discovering five exploded lager cans 🤢 (which have effectively destroyed the under-sink shelf). I also poured out five more which were years out of date. I don't even like lager, they were free from my old work and I never got around to giving all of them away. That's what I get for not wanting them wasted! This level of "rescuing things" has got to stop. 
• Found and corralled loads of cleaning supplies 
• Sawn down a black tub to make an under-sink recycling bin - hey, it works well when the shelving is fubar'd! 
• Painted a door frame and skirting board
• Moved a wardrobe and chest of drawers (making space to move the bed, to paint behind) 
• Disassembled and given away a desk
• Listed my office chair to give away
• Disassembled and listed my cage shelving for sale

Unfortunately, I've now got jelly arms, so I'm going to have to give myself an evening off. 

I also deleted more than a thousand emails and unsubscribed from about 20 market research firms. I have earned money with them in the past, but I've had far too little interest lately, and it was just noise. They will all have me back if and when!

I'm going to try a "self-care" app to see if it helps me keep motivated. It lets you includes "paint a wall" as a daily task 😁 so let's see.

Spendy McSpenderson: £8 on some toys for Little X. 😘

Kitchen Triumphs

My kitchen did look like a war zone temporarily, but that's because I batch cooked spaghetti bolognese sauce. I decided to try it with added red lentils for the first time, to stretch my mince out, and I used one jar of sauce plus half a tin of tomato soup. It ended up making 6 portions.

Verdict: young Miss Fussy Pants ate an entire bowl without stopping. 🎉 I was pleasantly surprised at the texture. It needed to be a richer sauce (I will use tomato paste instead of soup next time). But it was definitely nice and I'll make it with lentils again in future.

I also bought three new things to try, since the aforementioned MFP needs more variety and more vegetables. She ate spring rolls exactly once 😒 so I wasn't expecting much from veggie gyozas but to my surprise, she ate them. She turned her nose up at Chicken Moneybags 💰 but between you, me and the internet, they were awful so I'm on Team MFP in rejecting those. Then we had a win with mini Steak Bakes. 👏

Frozen Supermarket has loads of party foods so we may just go for a wander one day soon.

I officially have enough saved to sell this place even though I'm still not able to do so - because, boringly, I still need to amass enough to pay a deposit for a future rental. 😒 Oh well, at least now it feels less depressing. 

Ruminations And Relocations

The redecoration has sat still for a week because I've been preoccupied. My son, Jay, finally lost patience with the miserable job market in Finland and is currently on a plane back to Australia. There's a small part of me that's sad about this, he has three family members there who will miss him dearly and it's a pity that he wasn't able to build a life there. But given how hard he has studied and tried, and just how demoralising it's been for him, I am really excited for him to start afresh in Australia with my sister and aunts. ♥️

My War Chest (or lack of) is the more pressing reason for my downer mood of late. It isn't enough to do the bare minimums which all compete for my attention - renewing the lease (£800), paying the service charge (£1100) and moving costs after I sell (£1800). Not renewing the lease could cost me five figures on the sale price, the sale might be blocked altogether if I don't pay the service charge up front, and I can't go anywhere with nowhere to go. It's like coming to a crossroads but all directions are dead ends. And staying where I am isn't appetising at all, winter in this dark flat is not fun.

I did at least order samples of flooring for the living room. I fancy myself as a vinyl floor-fitter, since I can't afford to buy carpet or have anything installed. I've also cleared my desk and I will get rid of it this week - I don't use it and less furniture to move will make flooring more doable. 

Expenses list redone... The emergency fund seems pointless while everything springs up in front of it. And my maintenance charges mount each month (I have £62 left over each month and fuel needs to come out of that... I don't want to think about my insurance renewals in the new year). 

Must muster more mojo.

Procurements and Concoctions

Oops: I thought I had published this post, but here it sits in Draft land. A lot has been going on and also, a lot hasn't happened. Anyway... 

Lose: having to resort to really crap nappies for a week because I refuse to buy a third pack. 

Win: a three pack of saucepans and one frypan which altogether cost the same as the 1+1 from the Middle Aisle and I'm very pleased with them. We also got a sieve and a grater. 👏

Lose: My carrot cake was so disappointing, it's a recipe I remember enjoying 25 years ago but this time the icing was awful. I am the victim of low fat cream cheese and not-butter. I ate it all, but spent every bite reevaluating my life choices.

Win: Little X actually eating peas, carrots and courgettes in other foods again.

The nice weather is disappearing far too quickly and it's easy to give in to a low mood. Sigh. 

Kitchen Shenanigans

So I vaguely had in mind to cook properly from scratch once a week and also bake something once a week. But this is me. 😂 I will say it was immensely satisfying to rejig my kitchen and it now feels like a room I like using again. ✅ 

The first Monday I bought Carrot Cake fixings and then realised I'd forgotten cream cheese for the icing. 😑 I made Courgette Muffins instead. They worked, but were too heavy on the veg so were overly moist rather than chocolatey. We both did eat some, but they didn't keep well and a few ended up binned.

For dinner I tried hamburger patties on the frypan (I haven't used the stove top for years!) and they were a big hit with Little X. ✅

I also made a dessert, white choc marshmallow with cereal pressed in. This was amazing. It's Rice Crispy Bars from the supermarket except more, and however you prefer it. I just made it up as I went along. Little X ate some but absolutely hated the sunflower seeds and that caused some drama. 🎭

The second week I cooked Tuna Mornay. This ended up with "mmmmmm" at high volume 😂 so I think we found another food she'll eat. We also had meatballs in savoury rice - not from scratch really but another food she will eat. ✅  For baking I made banana bread tonight. Ladies and gentlemen it's the fluffiest cake I think I've ever eaten. It's definitely delicious but the jury is out as to whether a cake this soft will stay edible after 2 days.

If it lasts that long.

She also enjoyed fresh pikelets this week. 😋 

I now have 5 defaults and 2 more say they will default me. As they do so, I am beginning a £2/month payment to each one. To my great surprise one debt recovery company wrote to me accepting £2 a month as an ongoing arrangement 😲 despite me not asking if that was OK 😲 and it isn't even the smallest debt. I am now hoping others do the same - they manage 3 other debts of mine so we shall see. 🤞

Microwave is an absolute disaster and I'm using it as little as possible. Air fryers are on sale this week for £25 🤔 and I am also pondering a £6 saucepan since I don't own one. And a £7 frypan as both mine are awful. 🤔 

The Decluttering Secret

I have decluttered about 90 bags or boxes of things from my home. Ultimately, I am aiming for 100, and I am now at the point where I can see everything left to pare down, in about 6 crates. 💪

So what's the secret? It's not what I always thought. I had always thought that hoarders are unnaturally attached to things of no value. But no. It is about being realistic with yourself. 

It's losing the "scarcity" mentality. The knee-jerk reaction to never discarding anything because you don't have enough of something and you equate "not having it" to deprivation, either physically, or mentally. 

I had a shocking habit of buying or salvaging anything I might need in future, doing it because I knew I might not have the money to buy it later, or it was an opportunity for me to sell it and earn money. Well guess what, stuff is not useful while cluttering up your valuable space. It's not helpful when you aren't touching it for months. And it isn't worth ANY money while sat in your house.

I took a more honest look at myself, was I really going to use it, fix it or sell it? If I'd had it a year, the chances I'd touch it were pretty slim, so I gathered my adulting and got rid - I'd just deal with buying one if need be. And I didn't need multiple projects that I wasn't completing. One or two is enough! 

This morning I binned a dozen microfibre cloths and ten tea towels. I can surely find a couple of pounds when they wear out. I literally threw five quid in the bin but gained a cupboard for the next five years. That's a win, imagine, a nice clear cupboard for one pound per year! Two pence a week... that's nothing. It's repeated every time I clear space. And it's an absolute bargain for how the clear space benefits my mental well-being. 🙏 

Score! x2

Little X's progressive anti-vegetable stance is attempting to branch out and she's started rejecting most fruit. 😑 Pay day has come around and I've decided to cook and bake. I've even hauled out the blender and I'm psyching myself up for courgette muffins, carrot cake and pea & ham omelettes.

While hunting for the baking paraphernalia I discovered two tins of food Best Before 2018. Both of them got binned. Old me would have eaten them. 😂 I also found an extra-large glass cutting board big enough to cover my stovetop. 😍 Yes thank you. I also sorted my tupperware. 👏 Feeling: energised.

I blended up carrot & potato waffle mix but they're too wet with not enough egg to set them 😭 which is a right pain with ten already portioned in the freezer. 😭 Unsurprisingly Little X went "no thanks" once I actually got it solidly cooked. I cooked one for myself and after 45 minutes under the heat I was annoyed. I loaded it with breadcrumbs all over and it was surprisingly nice alongside my HALF a pizza 🍕 (new me isn't eating a whole one). 🏆

In mentally preparing myself for shopping, I reflected that one shouldn't need to mentally prepare for an ordinary task they've done for years. Hauling the groceries about is starting to get to me, physically. Time's up. The weight needs to come off. Loads of salad veg came home in my trolley. It's day three of Not Being A Pig and I haven't made revolutionary changes but every day has involved a salad. Gotta start somewhere. 👍 

Duh Eureka

So my curtains have always felt like you're going to rip something as you pull them across, or actually break the track (because the plastic hooks are so tight on the plastic rail). But in a stroke of genius, or more accurately why-didn't-I-think-of-this-before, it turns out you can wipe the curtain track with machine oil and the problem is gone. 🤸🏻 It's going to be a pretty sunroom. 🏠 🌞 

It also turns out that one could very easily fall off that damned ladder. It was very, very close. I was looking down at the objects I'd be landing on. 🫣😵 I took it as a sign to stop working until the afternoon. But even then, as I painted a small section above my front door, wobbly legs told me, that's enough for the day. 🎬 

What I don't need: more than 7 of any clothing item. I never go a week without washing clothes, so why would I need more than 7? After my "Nobody needs three sets of sheets for one bed" moment last week, today I binned some underwear 💪 and I have my eye on the sock pile next. 🧦 🧦

Sold and out the door: Little X's cot (and sheets), J's fridge. Why can't I harness that kind of energy all the time? 😂