Ruminations And Relocations

The redecoration has sat still for a week because I've been preoccupied. My son, Jay, finally lost patience with the miserable job market in Finland and is currently on a plane back to Australia. There's a small part of me that's sad about this, he has three family members there who will miss him dearly and it's a pity that he wasn't able to build a life there. But given how hard he has studied and tried, and just how demoralising it's been for him, I am really excited for him to start afresh in Australia with my sister and aunts. ♥️

My War Chest (or lack of) is the more pressing reason for my downer mood of late. It isn't enough to do the bare minimums which all compete for my attention - renewing the lease (£800), paying the service charge (£1100) and moving costs after I sell (£1800). Not renewing the lease could cost me five figures on the sale price, the sale might be blocked altogether if I don't pay the service charge up front, and I can't go anywhere with nowhere to go. It's like coming to a crossroads but all directions are dead ends. And staying where I am isn't appetising at all, winter in this dark flat is not fun.

I did at least order samples of flooring for the living room. I fancy myself as a vinyl floor-fitter, since I can't afford to buy carpet or have anything installed. I've also cleared my desk and I will get rid of it this week - I don't use it and less furniture to move will make flooring more doable. 

Expenses list redone... The emergency fund seems pointless while everything springs up in front of it. And my maintenance charges mount each month (I have £62 left over each month and fuel needs to come out of that... I don't want to think about my insurance renewals in the new year). 

Must muster more mojo.

Procurements and Concoctions

Oops: I thought I had published this post, but here it sits in Draft land. A lot has been going on and also, a lot hasn't happened. Anyway... 

Lose: having to resort to really crap nappies for a week because I refuse to buy a third pack. 

Win: a three pack of saucepans and one frypan which altogether cost the same as the 1+1 from the Middle Aisle and I'm very pleased with them. We also got a sieve and a grater. 👏

Lose: My carrot cake was so disappointing, it's a recipe I remember enjoying 25 years ago but this time the icing was awful. I am the victim of low fat cream cheese and not-butter. I ate it all, but spent every bite reevaluating my life choices.

Win: Little X actually eating peas, carrots and courgettes in other foods again.

The nice weather is disappearing far too quickly and it's easy to give in to a low mood. Sigh. 

Kitchen Shenanigans

So I vaguely had in mind to cook properly from scratch once a week and also bake something once a week. But this is me. 😂 I will say it was immensely satisfying to rejig my kitchen and it now feels like a room I like using again. ✅ 

The first Monday I bought Carrot Cake fixings and then realised I'd forgotten cream cheese for the icing. 😑 I made Courgette Muffins instead. They worked, but were too heavy on the veg so were overly moist rather than chocolatey. We both did eat some, but they didn't keep well and a few ended up binned.

For dinner I tried hamburger patties on the frypan (I haven't used the stove top for years!) and they were a big hit with Little X. ✅

I also made a dessert, white choc marshmallow with cereal pressed in. This was amazing. It's Rice Crispy Bars from the supermarket except more, and however you prefer it. I just made it up as I went along. Little X ate some but absolutely hated the sunflower seeds and that caused some drama. 🎭

The second week I cooked Tuna Mornay. This ended up with "mmmmmm" at high volume 😂 so I think we found another food she'll eat. We also had meatballs in savoury rice - not from scratch really but another food she will eat. ✅  For baking I made banana bread tonight. Ladies and gentlemen it's the fluffiest cake I think I've ever eaten. It's definitely delicious but the jury is out as to whether a cake this soft will stay edible after 2 days.

If it lasts that long.

She also enjoyed fresh pikelets this week. 😋 

I now have 5 defaults and 2 more say they will default me. As they do so, I am beginning a £2/month payment to each one. To my great surprise one debt recovery company wrote to me accepting £2 a month as an ongoing arrangement 😲 despite me not asking if that was OK 😲 and it isn't even the smallest debt. I am now hoping others do the same - they manage 3 other debts of mine so we shall see. 🤞

Microwave is an absolute disaster and I'm using it as little as possible. Air fryers are on sale this week for £25 🤔 and I am also pondering a £6 saucepan since I don't own one. And a £7 frypan as both mine are awful. 🤔 

The Decluttering Secret

I have decluttered about 90 bags or boxes of things from my home. Ultimately, I am aiming for 100, and I am now at the point where I can see everything left to pare down, in about 6 crates. 💪

So what's the secret? It's not what I always thought. I had always thought that hoarders are unnaturally attached to things of no value. But no. It is about being realistic with yourself. 

It's losing the "scarcity" mentality. The knee-jerk reaction to never discarding anything because you don't have enough of something and you equate "not having it" to deprivation, either physically, or mentally. 

I had a shocking habit of buying or salvaging anything I might need in future, doing it because I knew I might not have the money to buy it later, or it was an opportunity for me to sell it and earn money. Well guess what, stuff is not useful while cluttering up your valuable space. It's not helpful when you aren't touching it for months. And it isn't worth ANY money while sat in your house.

I took a more honest look at myself, was I really going to use it, fix it or sell it? If I'd had it a year, the chances I'd touch it were pretty slim, so I gathered my adulting and got rid - I'd just deal with buying one if need be. And I didn't need multiple projects that I wasn't completing. One or two is enough! 

This morning I binned a dozen microfibre cloths and ten tea towels. I can surely find a couple of pounds when they wear out. I literally threw five quid in the bin but gained a cupboard for the next five years. That's a win, imagine, a nice clear cupboard for one pound per year! Two pence a week... that's nothing. It's repeated every time I clear space. And it's an absolute bargain for how the clear space benefits my mental well-being. 🙏 

Score! x2

Little X's progressive anti-vegetable stance is attempting to branch out and she's started rejecting most fruit. 😑 Pay day has come around and I've decided to cook and bake. I've even hauled out the blender and I'm psyching myself up for courgette muffins, carrot cake and pea & ham omelettes.

While hunting for the baking paraphernalia I discovered two tins of food Best Before 2018. Both of them got binned. Old me would have eaten them. 😂 I also found an extra-large glass cutting board big enough to cover my stovetop. 😍 Yes thank you. I also sorted my tupperware. 👏 Feeling: energised.

I blended up carrot & potato waffle mix but they're too wet with not enough egg to set them 😭 which is a right pain with ten already portioned in the freezer. 😭 Unsurprisingly Little X went "no thanks" once I actually got it solidly cooked. I cooked one for myself and after 45 minutes under the heat I was annoyed. I loaded it with breadcrumbs all over and it was surprisingly nice alongside my HALF a pizza 🍕 (new me isn't eating a whole one). 🏆

In mentally preparing myself for shopping, I reflected that one shouldn't need to mentally prepare for an ordinary task they've done for years. Hauling the groceries about is starting to get to me, physically. Time's up. The weight needs to come off. Loads of salad veg came home in my trolley. It's day three of Not Being A Pig and I haven't made revolutionary changes but every day has involved a salad. Gotta start somewhere. 👍 

Duh Eureka

So my curtains have always felt like you're going to rip something as you pull them across, or actually break the track (because the plastic hooks are so tight on the plastic rail). But in a stroke of genius, or more accurately why-didn't-I-think-of-this-before, it turns out you can wipe the curtain track with machine oil and the problem is gone. 🤸🏻 It's going to be a pretty sunroom. 🏠 🌞 

It also turns out that one could very easily fall off that damned ladder. It was very, very close. I was looking down at the objects I'd be landing on. 🫣😵 I took it as a sign to stop working until the afternoon. But even then, as I painted a small section above my front door, wobbly legs told me, that's enough for the day. 🎬 

What I don't need: more than 7 of any clothing item. I never go a week without washing clothes, so why would I need more than 7? After my "Nobody needs three sets of sheets for one bed" moment last week, today I binned some underwear 💪 and I have my eye on the sock pile next. 🧦 🧦

Sold and out the door: Little X's cot (and sheets), J's fridge. Why can't I harness that kind of energy all the time? 😂 

Reshuffling

I've had a better few days. The mouldy curtains survived a wash, but unfortunately so did the mould. Miraculously, they then survived being washed at 90°C in a whole bottle of bleach, and are hung back up to dry, no mould in sight. ✅ I'm chuffed they are fresh again. I've finished priming that wall and there's one other wall patch to do before the top coats.

My cheap blinds arrived and I think I can make them work. ✅ 

The bathroom plastic shelves now hold shoes, so they're all neatly hidden away in the wardrobe. ✅ 

I cooked properly for the first time in ages. ✅ 

I finished washing my stored sheets, towels and quilt covers, and now they fit into my drawer. Several donated, several binned. ✅

I actually sat down and tried to do my life admin that's outstanding, but the website was down. I then forgot for three nights. D'Oh. I'm awarding myself a bronze Participation Award for trying. 🥉 

Funky Few Days

While scrubbing, sorting and tidying my bathroom paraphernalia I contemplated just how many invisible and unaccountable home maintenance tasks just exist. What a ridiculous amount of cleaning and tidying and stuff-organisation we have to do, tasks which leave absolutely no evidence you even did them. 🤔 And also for renovations. I will continue to scrub, spray, scrape, wipe, wash, prime, paint, install, and voilà. And at the end it will be a nice looking old bay window with nice features, but no indication of all the work involved or how it used to look.

It's being delayed right now as my knee has decided to cease functioning as a useful joint, so the ladder isn't happening. I've painted part with primer. It reeks, and there's not a way to keep the smell away from Little X, so I'm not doing the whole lot in one go. I also lifted the carpet in one corner. It's herringbone parquetry floor 😲 which should be a no-brainer to show off, but it's not level and would be freezing cold. I might remove a strip of walkway of it, see if it's good enough to paint white. Might.

I own far too many cleaning cloths, hand towels and tea towels. Perhaps I would have known this if I'd actually sorted out my washing pile before now. I really could solve linens taking up too much room by culling most of the spares...

Still procrastinating on my paperwork. Must find motivation.

Incremental Upgrades

Ever since I moved here I've been upgrading my furniture. I'm tired of temporary items, furniture which folds up, stuff which is meant for camping, flatpack products assembled from a hundred pieces.

My plastic bathroom storage was frankly putrid from dust and spilled lotions, shampoos etc. I was prepared to do a clean out, and I was despairing that it would still look awful. But this week I managed to snag myself a four-door wooden cupboard for free. 😍 It's old, a bit past its best, and needs a repaint, but it will do just fine at hiding all the untidy bottles and boxes. 

Currently pulling my old plastic shelves and drawers apart to clean them. I cannot wait to gift them, cleaned up and gleaming white again, to someone who can't afford fancy, and who sees them as a bathroom storage win. 🏆

I already gave away my open metal shelves. 💪 Next in my sights is losing my cage shelving. I haven't had it very long, but the stuff in it doesn't look good and doesn't need to be on show, and honestly, I'd just rather pare down belongings until it's unnecessary. Wish me luck. 🍀 

Received: my £100 from the council. ✅ 

Avoidance As Standard

My renovation to-do list is not short, and somehow it seems easier to do the physical work than the paperwork-y admin-y things. I've done some more stripping, scrubbing, filling holes and sanding. Oh, and spraying, wiping, scrubbing, and mopping walls and floors. The lino in the kitchen defies cleaning. I am eyeing up new lino flooring, it would only cost me around £40 for that room, but so far, I'm making myself slow down and am doing one project at a time. (I may or may not have also priced up new lino for the bathroom floor too. And vinyl to cover the bathroom tiles. Ahem.)

Little X had her last day at nursery. 😢 But at least I took advantage of that time, to get some handiwork done. We are now potty training. So far it's a disaster. Give me strength to keep up with the washing! 🙏 

Good girl: I have actually depleted my freezer for the first time in about a year. It only has dregs of things, enough to feed kidlet for another few dinners.

Hugely annoying: Little X was almost climbing out of her mini cot 😒 so, grrr, I've had to take the side off before she fell out. This sucks, as I've had to move most of my storage to stop her getting into it all while I'm asleep. Everything touchable has had to go in the dining area, beyond the baby gate. The flat is back to "all furniture shoved stupidly wherever it fits". Sigh. I need to re-gather my enthusiasm for having even less stuff, so that I can have even less furniture.

Spendy McSpenderson: I decided against the rigmarole of installing net curtains. IKEA had some ridiculously cheap blinds (which are, honestly, cheap, flimsy-looking, ridiculous and £4 each) but I've bought them and I will see whether I'll get away with them. 🙏 

Lidl Lemon Swiss Roll Cake: A Review

So maybe you were wondering how this delicious-looking cake tastes, and you've come looking for a review first.

I will preface this by saying I've eaten many flavours of Swiss Roll and I always buy the value brands. Tesco's strawberry one is delicious. I have a sweet tooth and I'm not fussy on flavours, nearly anything goes and I'll try (and eat) almost anything. I am especially fond of lemon-flavoured cakes and muffins. Love me a lemon curd anything. Lemon icing? Lemon filling? Into my trolley you go, and into my mouth. 

Dear reader, Lidl's Lemon Swiss Roll Cake is absolutely vile.

The cake itself is probably OK, if you could somehow free it from the weird lemon flavour and the absolutely nasty feel of the light, bodyless but somehow cloying fake cream. I'm talking super light vegetable fat or some kind of chemical, which hangs onto your tongue like Rory in Year 9 who you kissed for a dare and which you regretted ever since. Other reviews mention the chemical taste of this filling, and yeah. This doesn't taste like food. It is so overly sweet without any kind of satisfaction of creaminess, just a weird slimy stuff, and way, way too much of it. 

I really hate waste and I was super disgusted looking at the remaining 11 slices in the pack - yes it's very generous in pack size, I wish they'd used better ingredients and made it half as big. But I'm pleased to report that if you like tiramisu, you can use this cake. 2 slices into a bowl, mix a large heaped teaspoon of coffee powder with 2 tbsp of boiling water, mix then sprinkle over the "cake"(I use the term "cake" very loosely as it's more than half "cream"). Voila, the coffee hides all the disastrous wrongs and it becomes nice. 

Yours sincerely, 

Me, and never again. 

Checkmarks ✅

I tried: offloading the last of the nappies to the baby bank, but they just can't give them away. Into the charity bin they go.

Unexpected: I thought I owed work 4min 48s of overpaid leave, and was waiting for them to request their pound back. But £13.54 arrived in my account instead, so I guess I miscalculated and they owed some leave to me instead. Good employer is good.

I've been continuing with the walls and stripping the wallpaper around the windows. It's gross work, there's mould and grime and, just, how do windows get so yucky? In my ebay basket: net curtains and wall attachments. I am waiting until the windows are almost ready. I will also need to visit a hardware shop for the rods. I should have bought them years ago so that I could open the drapes in nice weather and still have privacy. But for selling, drapes open is a necessity (I have a water view!).

Well done me: I finally cleaned up J's fridge ready to sell. 

High Ceilings: Boooo.

I don't recommend these, for reasons of painting and extra heating bills, but primarily for my current trial of hanging wallpaper. At 2pm on Tuesday I decided there was plenty of time to hang one length before nursery pick-up time at 3. Gentle Reader, I was wrong. 😂

I'm currently irritable because said nursery is breaking up 2 days before the end of term, meaning she only gets 2 more sessions. I have 7 lengths of papering to do (circa 4-5 hours) plus the stripping and prepping around the windows, which is a horrendous job. If I manage those two things, it's the best I can expect. I will have to do all painting with kiddo in the flat. I did most of the first coat at night, but good daylight really would have been better for painting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

With each task and tidy out I move another piece of furniture. Things are almost in logical places, which is a first in several years. My flat almost looks like a normal flat, planned and arranged with purpose, instead of a "space where you shove things wherever they fit".

Just as I'm feeling ready to sell it, it feels like a home. 😂

Win: I went to German Supermarket and spent £25 to get my free £5 voucher. 👏 I also got a free savoury rice packet and a free big bag of cheese curl crisps that Little X likes. I also... ahem... bought two Monstera plants for £6 each (Swiss Cheese plants) which don't yet have their characteristic leaf holes but do still look lovely. 😍

Plus: £50 has been credited to my council tax account as expected. 👍 They also finally processed my application for general support and are sending £100 - no idea when. 👍

Wallpapering Like A Boss

Or something. 

My first length of paper, I managed to tear one corner. I'm calling it a learning experience, firstly that my cutting knife was ridiculously blunt and secondly that pasted wallpaper is more fragile than expected. I managed to cut, paste, rest, fix and trim five panels. It's only the section below the chair rail but I am absolutely chuffed at how it looks so far. The wall is in horrendous condition so it's quite the miracle result. 

Now that I have more space, this is a project I can actually complete with Little X at home. The top part will be a leafy pattern, the idea being a sort of verandah or fence looking out onto a garden. Even if I don't pull off the effect, I'll be happy so long as it doesn't clash. 

Here is the top design, which I've just found on the manufacturer's website:

I don't expect my flat to look this professional 😂 but it's reassuring to see this background work on top of white. 

Spendy McSpenderson: the £70 worth of wallpaper equipment (including a few bits for the rest of the painting). 

A Pressie, Of Sorts

I got a letter from Personal Loan Bank which was a strange surprise. They say they won't be taking legal action and that the Notice of Default they sent last week, warning of possible legal action, was only sent to me because they had to, by law. No other bank has sent such a "no need to panic" - type letter like this. 🤔  It's the only bank I owe five figures to, so this was nice to read.

I haven't caught up with my money podcasts for months (or the weekly money-saving emails) and I kept thinking I must get around to them all. But truth be told, I haven't found anything in them that I need in a long time. I've been poverty-level hesitant to spend for years, but now it's more that I just don't want any more stuff coming into my home. Not a bad thing! 😂 

Another set of shelves given away today too. 👍

Spent half an hour with a British Gas idiot. No thanks I don't need to change my home circumstances on your register, please just reissue my bill because with the updated meter read I supplied a week ago, and my missed smart meter installation credit of £40, I should be in credit. That painful explanation convo took 15 minutes of text. .. I'm now £20 in credit so at least they'll stop sending bill renunders. But he still forgot the £40 that I specifically asked him to do. Then when I asked how long those £40 credits normally take to show up, he asked if it was an appointment for installing a boiler. No mate, a smart meter, like I told you. I don't usually give a poor rating for CSAs but I'm afraid that asking for my bank statement (yes, he asked for my bank statement, wtf) helped Dhruv score a 3/10.

Quietly confident that Little X's digestion is recovered. Another few rounds of toast, dry cereal and crackers, just to make sure. 

I ♥️ Red Tape

Where's my sarcasm font? After trawling websites, emailing, phoning and slaving over stupidly long application processes... I have learned that getting Little X's citizenship sorted is going to be excruciatingly slow. The current estimate is circa 10-12 months. I am quite unimpressed. Hopefully we'll manage to get professional passport photos done this week (professional, because they are very strict on photo requirements). We might as well start now.

Speaking of Little X, she's still not over her tummy bug - she's improving, but it's a waiting game. 

Happy dance: small bedside table £5 from charity shop is now a freezer stand in my kitchen. 🎉 The cleaning and tidying to make it happen is a definite feelgood too. I'm going to see if I can sell J's mini fridge for a tenner once I finish cleaning that as well, I don't use it and it just collects dust. I should have done it years ago, but again with the keeping things "just in case". 

I've painted part of wall #1. Going slowly, at night, to limit paint smell, and opening doors and windows while the weather is good. 

Drinks tonight with Neighbours #8 and #2a. 🎉 

Minor Derailment

Little X has a tummy bug and while she's in good spirits, the exclusion period is probably going to mean she misses at least a day of nursery. This is so bloody irritating on limited "messy renovation work" time. 

I have 1.5 walls left to prep and am downgrading to "basic prep" with self-adhesive grey patterned wallpaper for the longest wall. Nobody cares about decor in a "renovator's dream", I just need to upgrade from "bare ugly wall" level so that it almost looks like it's immediately habitable. Just got to sand and wash without a small person in attendance, then paint the other walls, which are ready to go. 

I had a brilliant win yesterday offloading twelve bags to the baby bank, who were just fine with taking it all. It wasn't even all of it. I stopped myself at 3 lots of nappies. There's still six bin bags on my bed ready to go, but I'll give them a few weeks to recover first! 😂 It also marks three quarters of the total stuff I am aiming to offload - 75 bags. 🎉 

Little X is growing so fast and I'm increasingly conscious she's getting older. It's a good reminder to keep me motivated, we need a more suitable home, and it's time. I can do this.

Smart meter installation booked for this week - I'm in two minds but it at least gives me more insight to my electricity usage. 

Refreshing

Today was another "getting stuff done" exercise. I didn't clear the whole lot that I had wanted, but I did get a couple of hours' housework done as well and the extra floor space is refreshing in a way I hadn't expected.

I donated quite a bit of stuff. It was sobering to find so many things that were either unused, duplicates or used only once. It's not only that I've clearly shopped without purpose, it's the fact I'd had so much clutter that I didn't know what I already had (and bought it again).

I can see it in Little X too this afternoon. I packed away her big set of blocks, and pulled out some toys she hasn't seen in a while. She's calm, content and enjoying herself. Having a tidy room to play, without being bombarded by "stuff", is obviously a big plus. It's refreshing to the mind.

More than anything it's meant I can clearly see what still needs doing, and now I have the space to do it, without it seeming like a monumental task. 😊

Two banks have now visibly defaulted me 👏 and I have started sending token payments. Nine more to go. 

*Laughs in Selfie*

I just looked at my watch, realised what day it is, did a little internal "woohoo!" because I've got another day off tomorrow - and then remembered I've got all the days off.

It's been demoralising to look around at all the things I wanted to do but which weren't practical until a nursery day, like moving furniture, hurling bags of stuff into the skip and painting. So guess what I did today? Well, I at least did the vacuuming and did the first furniture shuffle. There will be more of those - there's not a lot of spare space, so it has to be planned in sequence. But it's already improved. I can't put into words how nice it was to walk across the room without squeezing around something. 😀

Someone is collecting my large shelves tonight (touch wood). I think I overdid it slightly, which is why I stopped after dismantling the shelves, then moving the bed, sofa and cot. The piles of belongings are judging me, but here's hoping I can sort some out this week.

Win: £100 Nationwide Fairer Share money 💰 already yanked out and put safety away! 😁 

All The Eggs!

That title isn't related to the post, it's just something Norri says in excitement when discussing her Shakshuka breakfast on Hey Duggee. This past few days it feels like I got all the green lights. 

Anyway. Work has kindly let me out of my notice period and Nursery has kindly done the same, and allowed Little X just to attend for 6h on funded ("free") hours from now. So starting next week I'll have six weeks to tidy and clear out. I keep talking about this but it's on my mind a lot as I want to move furniture and can't really do that until I have a kiddo-free flat - so next week it begins.

The great big minus is that it's six months since I lost my mum. It feels like it happened to another person. It feels both totally detached and yet very raw, and both yesterday and a century ago. It feels both sharp reality and just a bad dream.

I follow a lady who kindly calls herself an Uninfluencer, she is utterly normal and unaffected, which is why people like her. This week she posted a tidbit about herself. She said that six years ago she lost her mum and became acutely aware that her own time was finite and she wasn't using her time on earth in meaningful ways. She wasn't doing all the things she wanted to do "someday" and felt she needed to reprioritise to avoid having regrets. Within 12 months she gave away her stuff, quit her job, sold her house and went in another direction. That resonates with me. I don't have the "new direction" chosen physically, but I am steering my life in a new way. Financially and in terms of my home space and possessions.

What I liked most is that she has stuck with her new way of life for five years. It gives me hope. I have always struggled to make changes stick and right now I am amazed at still having decluttering motivation. A workmate, who also lost someone, reflected that when you lose someone you decide what's important, and that work doesn't "matter" anymore in the scheme of things, and I understood.

I am looking forward to building a purposeful life. For almost 50 years I have coasted along and it's time to only do what matters. It's time to get further into my own chosen stride and stop doing the dumb things others do without thinking.