Reshuffling

I've had a better few days. The mouldy curtains survived a wash, but unfortunately so did the mould. Miraculously, they then survived being washed at 90°C in a whole bottle of bleach, and are hung back up to dry, no mould in sight. ✅ I'm chuffed they are fresh again. I've finished priming that wall and there's one other wall patch to do before the top coats.

My cheap blinds arrived and I think I can make them work. ✅ 

The bathroom plastic shelves now hold shoes, so they're all neatly hidden away in the wardrobe. ✅ 

I cooked properly for the first time in ages. ✅ 

I finished washing my stored sheets, towels and quilt covers, and now they fit into my drawer. Several donated, several binned. ✅

I actually sat down and tried to do my life admin that's outstanding, but the website was down. I then forgot for three nights. D'Oh. 'm awarding myself a bronze Participation Award for trying. 🥉 

Funky Few Days

While scrubbing, sorting and tidying my bathroom paraphernalia I contemplated just how many invisible and unaccountable home maintenance tasks just exist. What a ridiculous amount of cleaning and tidying and stuff-organisation we have to do, tasks which leave absolutely no evidence you even did them. 🤔 And also for renovations. I will continue to scrub, spray, scrape, wipe, wash, prime, paint, install, and voilà. And at the end it will be a nice looking old bay window with nice features, but no indication of all the work involved or how it used to look.

It's being delayed right now as my knee has decided to cease functioning as a useful joint, so the ladder isn't happening. I've painted part with primer. It reeks, and there's not a way to keep the smell away from Little X, so I'm not doing the whole lot in one go. I also lifted the carpet in one corner. It's herringbone parquetry floor 😲 which should be a no-brainer to show off, but it's not level and would be freezing cold. I might remove a strip of walkway of it, see if it's good enough to paint white. Might.

I own far too many cleaning cloths, hand towels and tea towels. Perhaps I would have known this if I'd actually sorted out my washing pile before now. I really could solve linens taking up too much room by culling most of the spares...

Still procrastinating on my paperwork. Must find motivation.

Incremental Upgrades

Ever since I moved here I've been upgrading my furniture. I'm tired of temporary items, furniture which folds up, stuff which is meant for camping, flatpack products assembled from a hundred pieces.

My plastic bathroom storage was frankly putrid from dust and spilled lotions, shampoos etc. I was prepared to do a clean out, and I was despairing that it would still look awful. But this week I managed to snag myself a four-door wooden cupboard for free. 😍 It's old, a bit past its best, and needs a repaint, but it will do just fine at hiding all the untidy bottles and boxes. 

Currently pulling my old plastic shelves and drawers apart to clean them. I cannot wait to gift them, cleaned up and gleaming white again, to someone who can't afford fancy, and who sees them as a bathroom storage win. 🏆

I already gave away my open metal shelves. 💪 Next in my sights is losing my cage shelving. I haven't had it very long, but the stuff in it doesn't look good and doesn't need to be on show, and honestly, I'd just rather pare down belongings until it's unnecessary. Wish me luck. 🍀 

Received: my £100 from the council. ✅ 

Avoidance As Standard

My renovation to-do list is not short, and somehow it seems easier to do the physical work than the paperwork-y admin-y things. I've done some more stripping, scrubbing, filling holes and sanding. Oh, and spraying, wiping, scrubbing, and mopping walls and floors. The lino in the kitchen defies cleaning. I am eyeing up new lino flooring, it would only cost me around £40 for that room, but so far, I'm making myself slow down and am doing one project at a time. (I may or may not have also priced up new lino for the bathroom floor too. And vinyl to cover the bathroom tiles. Ahem.)

Little X had her last day at nursery. 😢 But at least I took advantage of that time, to get some handiwork done. We are now potty training. So far it's a disaster. Give me strength to keep up with the washing! 🙏 

Good girl: I have actually depleted my freezer for the first time in about a year. It only has dregs of things, enough to feed kidlet for another few dinners.

Hugely annoying: Little X was almost climbing out of her mini cot 😒 so, grrr, I've had to take the side off before she fell out. This sucks, as I've had to move most of my storage to stop her getting into it all while I'm asleep. Everything touchable has had to go in the dining area, beyond the baby gate. The flat is back to "all furniture shoved stupidly wherever it fits". Sigh. I need to re-gather my enthusiasm for having even less stuff, so that I can have even less furniture.

Spendy McSpenderson: I decided against the rigmarole of installing net curtains. IKEA had some ridiculously cheap blinds (which are, honestly, cheap, flimsy-looking, ridiculous and £4 each) but I've bought them and I will see whether I'll get away with them. 🙏 

Lidl Lemon Swiss Roll Cake: A Review

So maybe you were wondering how this delicious-looking cake tastes, and you've come looking for a review first.

I will preface this by saying I've eaten many flavours of Swiss Roll and I always buy the value brands. Tesco's strawberry one is delicious. I have a sweet tooth and I'm not fussy on flavours, nearly anything goes and I'll try (and eat) almost anything. I am especially fond of lemon-flavoured cakes and muffins. Love me a lemon curd anything. Lemon icing? Lemon filling? Into my trolley you go, and into my mouth. 

Dear reader, Lidl's Lemon Swiss Roll Cake is absolutely vile.

The cake itself is probably OK, if you could somehow free it from the weird lemon flavour and the absolutely nasty feel of the light, bodyless but somehow cloying fake cream. I'm talking super light vegetable fat or some kind of chemical, which hangs onto your tongue like Rory in Year 9 who you kissed for a dare and which you regretted ever since. Other reviews mention the chemical taste of this filling, and yeah. This doesn't taste like food. It is so overly sweet without any kind of satisfaction of creaminess, just a weird slimy stuff, and way, way too much of it. 

I really hate waste and I was super disgusted looking at the remaining 11 slices in the pack - yes it's very generous in pack size, I wish they'd used better ingredients and made it half as big. But I'm pleased to report that if you like tiramisu, you can use this cake. 2 slices into a bowl, mix a large heaped teaspoon of coffee powder with 2 tbsp of boiling water, mix then sprinkle over the "cake"(I use the term "cake" very loosely as it's more than half "cream"). Voila, the coffee hides all the disastrous wrongs and it becomes nice. 

Yours sincerely, 

Me, and never again. 

Checkmarks ✅

I tried: offloading the last of the nappies to the baby bank, but they just can't give them away. Into the charity bin they go.

Unexpected: I thought I owed work 4min 48s of overpaid leave, and was waiting for them to request their pound back. But £13.54 arrived in my account instead, so I guess I miscalculated and they owed some leave to me instead. Good employer is good.

I've been continuing with the walls and stripping the wallpaper around the windows. It's gross work, there's mould and grime and, just, how do windows get so yucky? In my ebay basket: net curtains and wall attachments. I am waiting until the windows are almost ready. I will also need to visit a hardware shop for the rods. I should have bought them years ago so that I could open the drapes in nice weather and still have privacy. But for selling, drapes open is a necessity (I have a water view!).

Well done me: I finally cleaned up J's fridge ready to sell. 

High Ceilings: Boooo.

I don't recommend these, for reasons of painting and extra heating bills, but primarily for my current trial of hanging wallpaper. At 2pm on Tuesday I decided there was plenty of time to hang one length before nursery pick-up time at 3. Gentle Reader, I was wrong. 😂

I'm currently irritable because said nursery is breaking up 2 days before the end of term, meaning she only gets 2 more sessions. I have 7 lengths of papering to do (circa 4-5 hours) plus the stripping and prepping around the windows, which is a horrendous job. If I manage those two things, it's the best I can expect. I will have to do all painting with kiddo in the flat. I did most of the first coat at night, but good daylight really would have been better for painting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

With each task and tidy out I move another piece of furniture. Things are almost in logical places, which is a first in several years. My flat almost looks like a normal flat, planned and arranged with purpose, instead of a "space where you shove things wherever they fit".

Just as I'm feeling ready to sell it, it feels like a home. 😂

Win: I went to German Supermarket and spent £25 to get my free £5 voucher. 👏 I also got a free savoury rice packet and a free big bag of cheese curl crisps that Little X likes. I also... ahem... bought two Monstera plants for £6 each (Swiss Cheese plants) which don't yet have their characteristic leaf holes but do still look lovely. 😍

Plus: £50 has been credited to my council tax account as expected. 👍 They also finally processed my application for general support and are sending £100 - no idea when. 👍

Wallpapering Like A Boss

Or something. 

My first length of paper, I managed to tear one corner. I'm calling it a learning experience, firstly that my cutting knife was ridiculously blunt and secondly that pasted wallpaper is more fragile than expected. I managed to cut, paste, rest, fix and trim five panels. It's only the section below the chair rail but I am absolutely chuffed at how it looks so far. The wall is in horrendous condition so it's quite the miracle result. 

Now that I have more space, this is a project I can actually complete with Little X at home. The top part will be a leafy pattern, the idea being a sort of verandah or fence looking out onto a garden. Even if I don't pull off the effect, I'll be happy so long as it doesn't clash. 

Here is the top design, which I've just found on the manufacturer's website:

I don't expect my flat to look this professional 😂 but it's reassuring to see this background work on top of white. 

Spendy McSpenderson: the £70 worth of wallpaper equipment (including a few bits for the rest of the painting). 

A Pressie, Of Sorts

I got a letter from Personal Loan Bank which was a strange surprise. They say they won't be taking legal action and that the Notice of Default they sent last week, warning of possible legal action, was only sent to me because they had to, by law. No other bank has sent such a "no need to panic" - type letter like this. 🤔  It's the only bank I owe five figures to, so this was nice to read.

I haven't caught up with my money podcasts for months (or the weekly money-saving emails) and I kept thinking I must get around to them all. But truth be told, I haven't found anything in them that I need in a long time. I've been poverty-level hesitant to spend for years, but now it's more that I just don't want any more stuff coming into my home. Not a bad thing! 😂 

Another set of shelves given away today too. 👍

Spent half an hour with a British Gas idiot. No thanks I don't need to change my home circumstances on your register, please just reissue my bill because with the updated meter read I supplied a week ago, and my missed smart meter installation credit of £40, I should be in credit. That painful explanation convo took 15 minutes of text. .. I'm now £20 in credit so at least they'll stop sending bill renunders. But he still forgot the £40 that I specifically asked him to do. Then when I asked how long those £40 credits normally take to show up, he asked if it was an appointment for installing a boiler. No mate, a smart meter, like I told you. I don't usually give a poor rating for CSAs but I'm afraid that asking for my bank statement (yes, he asked for my bank statement, wtf) helped Dhruv score a 3/10.

Quietly confident that Little X's digestion is recovered. Another few rounds of toast, dry cereal and crackers, just to make sure. 

I ♥️ Red Tape

Where's my sarcasm font? After trawling websites, emailing, phoning and slaving over stupidly long application processes... I have learned that getting Little X's citizenship sorted is going to be excruciatingly slow. The current estimate is circa 10-12 months. I am quite unimpressed. Hopefully we'll manage to get professional passport photos done this week (professional, because they are very strict on photo requirements). We might as well start now.

Speaking of Little X, she's still not over her tummy bug - she's improving, but it's a waiting game. 

Happy dance: small bedside table £5 from charity shop is now a freezer stand in my kitchen. 🎉 The cleaning and tidying to make it happen is a definite feelgood too. I'm going to see if I can sell J's mini fridge for a tenner once I finish cleaning that as well, I don't use it and it just collects dust. I should have done it years ago, but again with the keeping things "just in case". 

I've painted part of wall #1. Going slowly, at night, to limit paint smell, and opening doors and windows while the weather is good. 

Drinks tonight with Neighbours #8 and #2a. 🎉 

Minor Derailment

Little X has a tummy bug and while she's in good spirits, the exclusion period is probably going to mean she misses at least a day of nursery. This is so bloody irritating on limited "messy renovation work" time. 

I have 1.5 walls left to prep and am downgrading to "basic prep" with self-adhesive grey patterned wallpaper for the longest wall. Nobody cares about decor in a "renovator's dream", I just need to upgrade from "bare ugly wall" level so that it almost looks like it's immediately habitable. Just got to sand and wash without a small person in attendance, then paint the other walls, which are ready to go. 

I had a brilliant win yesterday offloading twelve bags to the baby bank, who were just fine with taking it all. It wasn't even all of it. I stopped myself at 3 lots of nappies. There's still six bin bags on my bed ready to go, but I'll give them a few weeks to recover first! 😂 It also marks three quarters of the total stuff I am aiming to offload - 75 bags. 🎉 

Little X is growing so fast and I'm increasingly conscious she's getting older. It's a good reminder to keep me motivated, we need a more suitable home, and it's time. I can do this.

Smart meter installation booked for this week - I'm in two minds but it at least gives me more insight to my electricity usage. 

Refreshing

Today was another "getting stuff done" exercise. I didn't clear the whole lot that I had wanted, but I did get a couple of hours' housework done as well and the extra floor space is refreshing in a way I hadn't expected.

I donated quite a bit of stuff. It was sobering to find so many things that were either unused, duplicates or used only once. It's not only that I've clearly shopped without purpose, it's the fact I'd had so much clutter that I didn't know what I already had (and bought it again).

I can see it in Little X too this afternoon. I packed away her big set of blocks, and pulled out some toys she hasn't seen in a while. She's calm, content and enjoying herself. Having a tidy room to play, without being bombarded by "stuff", is obviously a big plus. It's refreshing to the mind.

More than anything it's meant I can clearly see what still needs doing, and now I have the space to do it, without it seeming like a monumental task. 😊

Two banks have now visibly defaulted me 👏 and I have started sending token payments. Nine more to go. 

*Laughs in Selfie*

I just looked at my watch, realised what day it is, did a little internal "woohoo!" because I've got another day off tomorrow - and then remembered I've got all the days off.

It's been demoralising to look around at all the things I wanted to do but which weren't practical until a nursery day, like moving furniture, hurling bags of stuff into the skip and painting. So guess what I did today? Well, I at least did the vacuuming and did the first furniture shuffle. There will be more of those - there's not a lot of spare space, so it has to be planned in sequence. But it's already improved. I can't put into words how nice it was to walk across the room without squeezing around something. 😀

Someone is collecting my large shelves tonight (touch wood). I think I overdid it slightly, which is why I stopped after dismantling the shelves, then moving the bed, sofa and cot. The piles of belongings are judging me, but here's hoping I can sort some out this week.

Win: £100 Nationwide Fairer Share money 💰 already yanked out and put safety away! 😁 

All The Eggs!

That title isn't related to the post, it's just something Norri says in excitement when discussing her Shakshuka breakfast on Hey Duggee. This past few days it feels like I got all the green lights. 

Anyway. Work has kindly let me out of my notice period and Nursery has kindly done the same, and allowed Little X just to attend for 6h on funded ("free") hours from now. So starting next week I'll have six weeks to tidy and clear out. I keep talking about this but it's on my mind a lot as I want to move furniture and can't really do that until I have a kiddo-free flat - so next week it begins.

The great big minus is that it's six months since I lost my mum. It feels like it happened to another person. It feels both totally detached and yet very raw, and both yesterday and a century ago. It feels both sharp reality and just a bad dream.

I follow a lady who kindly calls herself an Uninfluencer, she is utterly normal and unaffected, which is why people like her. This week she posted a tidbit about herself. She said that six years ago she lost her mum and became acutely aware that her own time was finite and she wasn't using her time on earth in meaningful ways. She wasn't doing all the things she wanted to do "someday" and felt she needed to reprioritise to avoid having regrets. Within 12 months she gave away her stuff, quit her job, sold her house and went in another direction. That resonates with me. I don't have the "new direction" chosen physically, but I am steering my life in a new way. Financially and in terms of my home space and possessions.

What I liked most is that she has stuck with her new way of life for five years. It gives me hope. I have always struggled to make changes stick and right now I am amazed at still having decluttering motivation. A workmate, who also lost someone, reflected that when you lose someone you decide what's important, and that work doesn't "matter" anymore in the scheme of things, and I understood.

I am looking forward to building a purposeful life. For almost 50 years I have coasted along and it's time to only do what matters. It's time to get further into my own chosen stride and stop doing the dumb things others do without thinking. 

Glacial Pace

The paradox of not being a child is that life goes both way too fast and also way too slow. It's almost 72h since I finished my most recent work shift, I didn't do anything strenuous, and I'm still aching. Little X had an awfully unsettled day at home following the usual long day at nursery without sleep the day before. Me being at work two days a week effectively ruins five days a week for us. So I've written my resignation letter.

Nursery has told me that she has 15 funded hours per week until the end of the school year, so I'm just going to leave her in and have her attend shorter days. Once I finish with work I should have three more weeks of nursery and I'm using those days to do a deep clean and ready the flat for sale.

Currently close to half way through the "stuff exodus" and I hope to have it mostly complete before work ends. Loads has left which was brand new and worth a fair bit of money, but guess what, I haven't missed any single item, at all. It's just as valuable to me on the sales shelves of a charity shop as it was at my place buried in a box.

Vague victory: after missing their call twice due to them hanging up after one ring, I enjoyed countless transfers and cutoffs today on the phone for 2 hours with the DWP. End result I finally managed to pay my £634 National Insurance top up. 👏 The budgeting advance did turn up 👏 and the UC people have just been in complete silence in response to my "WTF are you doing?". But I have it... and I've spent it, catching up with my maintenance arrears on the flat. So I've updated my list. It's nice to see it shrinking. 💪 

UC Shenanigans

UC declined to pay for my childcare from the Flexible Support Fund due to a dumb technicality, meaning I had 3 working days to magic the money. They then decided to waste time instead of processing a budgeting loan. I managed to get it done on the phone today in four minutes flat (nice work call centre, thank you) and I should have it in a couple of days. I then got an automated message in my journal that it's approved, with details of my repayment schedule, followed by a human response 10h later that I'm not eligible for it. I hope the latter is a dumb mistake, but it's so bloody annoying! I've fired off a rant and demanded a mandatory reconsideration - I want to knock out my maintenance arrears as well. UC should then also reimburse the child care in around a month under the standard deal. Touch wood.

I've felt really flat for the past week and I'm mentally drained. I'm still struggling just to give things away when a little voice is trying to tell me to stop and sell it. I got so fed up with this "property anchor" clutter that I've just deactivated my Vinted page and loaded up five bags for the charity shop. 👏

I bought a toasted sandwich maker yesterday to make pancakes in, and it's beyond disappointing - it is just so slow that it's impractical, 20 minutes to even vaguely look done. Once I recover from the disappointment I might try as thin crepes.

I did manage to sell my dining table + 2 chairs, for £20 (I never used it) and gifted them two extra folding chairs as well. I have someone coming to buy my white wardrobe for £25 - when you never open it, you don't need it OR its contents. 😂 I will be glad of a little bit more space.

Invoices and Paradigm Shifts

I have received my first childcare invoice and am in the process of having it reimbursed by Universal Credit. And apparently, I also have the option of a budgeting advance of £800. The world doesn't end if they say no, but it would feel good to have my maintenance arrears taken care of. It would help motivate me to get the flat ready for sale.

Along those lines I did a big shop at German Supermarket on UC day and while I was there I spotted paint for £13. In white. So I bought two. It was like cementing a major decision, yes, I'm now mentally committed to a very minor flat makeover. It's like putting lipstick on a pig, but first impressions matter, and it might mean £1,000 more on the sale price. 🙏

The grocery component came to £42, which is on the high side. It was intentional though... In my new mindset of not clinging to every object, I'm also relaxing the vice grip on penny-pinching. There's so many things I've denied myself and Little X which are beyond fair. This week she's had fruits and nuts she's never tried before. Party rings. Flavoured crisps. Orange squash. I know a toddler doesn't need all this every day, but it's well overdue for her to have a touch of normality. I don't want her to grow up terrified of spending every penny. I will still choose budget options, but no more basic denial of entire food groups.

Bought: £100 voucher for above-mentioned German Supermarket, then Everup had a 6.25% offer for Fave Mainstream Supermarket so I spent another £100 on that. Between them I got loads of points and played them through the games, ended up with £13 in the account for my next voucher. These vouchers also help steer me away from Nearby Less Cheap Supermarket. 👍

Actionism

I'm sure that's not a word, but it was my attempt not to accidentally re-use a previous heading. Anyway, twice this week after taking Little X to nursery and hacking up a lung, I Got Stuff Done™, two major pieces of furniture are emptied and ready for sale, several items are ready to give away, a huge bag of stuff went into the bin and I gathered 9 bags for charity. I donated them this afternoon and it felt really good to be free of them. I even managed two loads of washing. 😇

The milestone is that a quarter of my excess stuff is now gone. I am aiming for 100 bags and that's 25 done. 💪

Debt Charity asked why I hadn't paid my May instalment and I snapped back with the cancellation agreement they sent me in March. I then got an enquiry of was I having problems affording the May payment or had something happened to affect my budget? I had to shout (in text) to make them try reading what I sent them, and that they clearly hadn't cancelled things like they promised. So that was entertaining. The first bank has actually notified me they've defaulted 🎉 although I can't see it anywhere on my credit files yet. It's still a waiting game. 

Feeling: energised. 

The Opportunities

I need to (re) start seeing unfortunate situations as opportunities. I had a tiny win today in that missing work gave me a child-free day to clear out junk. Not having so many clothes will let me have less furniture and more space: that's the next one I hope to achieve.

Spending money on disposable nappies frees up my washer, my time and my space. This is a sacrifice I should have made earlier. It also makes me take my rubbish out in a timely manner. 

Mr Money Mustache said: Wear the tight trousers. If your trousers are too tight, and you solve that issue by buying bigger clothes, you have lost the chance to lose weight, feel better, improve your health and save money. I need to feel uncomfortable right now in my dingy, cluttered, too-small, ugly and messy flat. It is the impetus to, not vaguely aim to spend on renovation slowly over a period of ten years, but to cut my losses, concentrate on what matters, and improve my life. Even if it's not earning me a profit. If it was going to be doable to capitalise and profit, I've had long enough, so I need to accept that it just isn't in me.

I am a work in progress! 

It's Just So Uncomfortable.

I could apply the title to a lot of things right now but for the very least, still being horridly sick and not having much money at hand. And they're related. I've lost £300 from this stupid lurgy and that would have paid almost half what I owe for maintenance charges. More than that, it's uncomfortable seeing only double digits in the bank. It isn't really a big drama, there's not really anything I urgently need and it's almost UC day, it's just weird.

I had been determined to replace the microwave this week. But for the thousandth time I wonder why I made plans at all, when this is me, and shit always goes wrong to ruin plans. I've made a (small) decision not to do any flat remodelling before sale so that expense has been removed from my list. I've also removed the "next car" fund since I can keep this car till it dies then use emergency funds. The list still seems overwhelming and ridiculous. It seems like the bottom ones will never happen because of the top ones - and new ones which will inevitably be inserted, like the maintenance charge for 2026, etc. 

What practical things did I do of late? Little X was in nursery today and while the house was empty I did some housework. I rearranged some things to give me space to move, sorted some items that I may sell, threw out four bags of clothes and junk, and put one bag into the car for donating. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 The biggest win was emptying a large "junk bag", I have a terrible habit of throwing junk into a bag that I don't want to deal with, and then it just becomes part of the furniture. It felt good to put most of it in the bin, to actually dispose of things that were still technically useful but which I simply do not need. I think it comes down to this: if a buyer came along and I could take just one car load and move, leaving all the other "stuff" in here behind, would I go? And it's yes. I keep stuff in fear of a scarcity which does not match my actual needs. I need to break this habit and live more simply, with less.