Full Steam

I finished writing letters to creditors. Obligatory change of address plus a polite request for the original credit agreements. Any which can't provide this, I no longer need to pay. I now have 9 defaults out of 11 and the nine all have token monthly payments in place. I've been to the post office, bought all the postal orders, and mailed them all off. ✅

Big big spend: plane ticket purchased! ✈️ I have my trip booked. Plus bus connection and accommodation at the end. Phew. That was a big chunk o' change. I did manage to get £25 cashback which I was happy about. Now to knuckle down on the procrastinated items. 

We did a big shop and bought things that are less easy to get at the small convenience places nearby. That marks the last car journey. Tomorrow I empty the car, advise the finance company I'm returning it, and mark it as "not mine" online with the DVLA. The auctioneer should arrange collection in just over a week.

It's still so hard to do "the list" and I am filled with loathing for it. I should be patting myself on the back as I do each one, but mostly I wish it was finished already. 

I still need to deep clean, engage the agent and choose a conveyancer. 😑

All happening now! Eleven days to go. 

Slowly slowly catchy up

Right now I'm very excited because a Spendy thing came in the mail (£6). I bought a budgeting binder. It's a little folder full of small ziplock pockets and it's meant for separating your cash into each, for example one envelope is for fuel, one for food, one for power etc. This is going to be my new hobby after I move (budgeting with cash) and I'm looking forward to being in control of my money.

Ticking off the to do list ✅ which is not short. I sat down last night to tackle the fourth "crap bag", that is, where I had shoved old paperwork and random paraphernalia. Apart from this, I've only got a handful of boxes containing "I need to do something with this" - type objects, so I was looking forward to having the last of the paperwork sorted.

It took three hours! 😫 

I threw some in the bin, but even so, the remaining paperwork weighs a ton. It's way too heavy. I'm going to need to have a more serious cull. Not something I was expecting, nor am I looking forward to it.

Next up is the deep cleaning. 😭

Holding Onto Potential

It occurred to me I'm doing this in so many aspects of my life. I have successfully decluttered more than 90% of my holdings, items that crowded up my flat and my life for years, things I kept because they were potentially worth money. I was holding them all while not addressing the reality of who I am, which is: a person of more optimism than action.

I've found the last 10% quite difficult. I've made mental excuses for weeks. Even the last bit of the painting, which will be a hallelujah moment, I have delayed. I haven't felt "ready" for what it will mean (dealing with the floor) which is in turn a delaying tactic on selling my flat. Because selling now feels like I copped out. The flat wasn't renovated to get the maximum profit, it didn't meet potential, yarda. I don't even want to deal with the floor because again, maximum potential would be new carpet and I can't afford that... More lost potential. And all of it, summed up, is lost potential on the money I will (won't) have afterwards which, I fear, will not be enough to do even basic existence.

I've decided I will go back to Australia. Day-to-day living, while expensive, is far less punitive to families with children. Even given the exchange rate and cost of living, the UK is keeping us in absolute poverty and Australia would double our standard of living. Thus is the realisation I probably can't afford to buy any kind of housing with the sale proceeds of this flat. And the hesitation in eroding even 1% of that by not renovating as best I can.

But reality demands I go back to two things: I'm going backwards financially week-on-week, so renovating only gets harder and the deadline for overdue maintenance fees only gets closer. And two, I am a person of more optimism than action.

So the tack has stepped up a gear and now I'm not decluttering 90% in order to move house, I'm decluttering 99% in order to be reduced to three suitcases. It is really, really difficult. Send mojo. 

Feeling Super, Super

Super, super sorry for myself. Yesterday I was flexing like a boss for being on track with my painting deadline, decided to get ahead while Little X was having her daytime nap, and... one shoulder began screaming, which called a halt. Today I got another patch done before my legs began wobbling (I have learned to stop climbing ladders with the wobbles). 

On top of that I've got horrible hayfever with sneezing and crying thrown in. Related: absolutely exhausted and trying not to fall asleep all day. I have absolutely rotten physical fitness and zero stamina. I need to remember the aim. To live in a place where I actually want to walk down the street, where I've got a space for flowers of my own, and where I actually do those things (walk, and garden). I just need to keep my feet going forwards and more tasks ticked off my mental list. ✅ 

Good Stuff stack sorted ✅ but still too much of it and hard decisions need to be made. Next up will be more paperwork and some "crap boxes" to sort.

Two more bank defaults. ✅ That's 9 out of 11. They've locked me out of the apps so I will have to set up token payments manually. 

I cashed out £80 from Testerup 👏 and found another gaming rewards app too, so I'm trying that out. 

Spendy McSpenderson: clear pouches. There are loads of little things I want to sort through and not bin, so this will let me corral them and see what's inside. I also bought loads of things that were sat in my checkout list for weeks - I did actually think carefully and take my time before buying! 

Flex: I added some more money into the moving fund and it felt good. 

Full Car

It's full of stuff to return to the shop and stuff to donate. It's mostly stuff that's used occasionally. Seconds and thirds of items that realistically aren't needed. "I use this sometimes" is not the same as "I don't need this and don't want to move it to my next home". 👏 And loads of spare Little X clothes. We had too many. 

The painting actually feels like it's on the home stretch, finally. I've given myself a deadline for listing my flat for sale - I have a week to decide whether I rip out the carpet. I've been avoiding culling the Good Stuff Stack. 🤐 But I actually need the physical floor space to lay flooring. So... I think I have to face that I'm making excuses and pissing about.

Bought: nothing. I've used up all the milk and long-life milk, so today, there's ice-cream in my coffee. ☕  German Supermarket has a £5 voucher thing running again, so that's the plan for my next big shop.

Money: I now have 7 defaults visible, so only 4 to go. 🍻 #6 has locked me out of the app, and doesn't have any generic bank account number online to make payments to, like every other card does. It is also, bizarrely, not really sending any useful paperwork which has this info on it. Just a phone number to pay, and I don't want to do anything over the phone. #7 is a bank overdraft and the account no longer exists, so I have the same issue there. I happen to have a second bank account with them which is empty, so I think I'll start dropping the £2 into there each month and hope they have the sense to take it - legally they can although I understand it's rare they do. We shall see. 

Mojo Recovered

So in the past few days, I have Done Some Stuff™ and while each of them is actually ridiculously minor, collectively I have been kinda busy. At least busy enough to legitimately declare that I've got my mojo back, at least for now.

I have:

• Emptied two kitchen cupboards, discovering five exploded lager cans 🤢 (which have effectively destroyed the under-sink shelf). I also poured out five more which were years out of date. I don't even like lager, they were free from my old work and I never got around to giving all of them away. That's what I get for not wanting them wasted! This level of "rescuing things" has got to stop. 
• Found and corralled loads of cleaning supplies 
• Sawn down a black tub to make an under-sink recycling bin - hey, it works well when the shelving is fubar'd! 
• Painted a door frame and skirting board
• Moved a wardrobe and chest of drawers (making space to move the bed, to paint behind) 
• Disassembled and given away a desk
• Listed my office chair to give away
• Disassembled and listed my cage shelving for sale

Unfortunately, I've now got jelly arms, so I'm going to have to give myself an evening off. 

I also deleted more than a thousand emails and unsubscribed from about 20 market research firms. I have earned money with them in the past, but I've had far too little interest lately, and it was just noise. They will all have me back if and when!

I'm going to try a "self-care" app to see if it helps me keep motivated. It lets you includes "paint a wall" as a daily task 😁 so let's see.

Spendy McSpenderson: £8 on some toys for Little X. 😘

Kitchen Triumphs

My kitchen did look like a war zone temporarily, but that's because I batch cooked spaghetti bolognese sauce. I decided to try it with added red lentils for the first time, to stretch my mince out, and I used one jar of sauce plus half a tin of tomato soup. It ended up making 6 portions.

Verdict: young Miss Fussy Pants ate an entire bowl without stopping. 🎉 I was pleasantly surprised at the texture. It needed to be a richer sauce (I will use tomato paste instead of soup next time). But it was definitely nice and I'll make it with lentils again in future.

I also bought three new things to try, since the aforementioned MFP needs more variety and more vegetables. She ate spring rolls exactly once 😒 so I wasn't expecting much from veggie gyozas but to my surprise, she ate them. She turned her nose up at Chicken Moneybags 💰 but between you, me and the internet, they were awful so I'm on Team MFP in rejecting those. Then we had a win with mini Steak Bakes. 👏

Frozen Supermarket has loads of party foods so we may just go for a wander one day soon.

I officially have enough saved to sell this place even though I'm still not able to do so - because, boringly, I still need to amass enough to pay a deposit for a future rental. 😒 Oh well, at least now it feels less depressing. 

Ruminations And Relocations

The redecoration has sat still for a week because I've been preoccupied. My son, Jay, finally lost patience with the miserable job market in Finland and is currently on a plane back to Australia. There's a small part of me that's sad about this, he has three family members there who will miss him dearly and it's a pity that he wasn't able to build a life there. But given how hard he has studied and tried, and just how demoralising it's been for him, I am really excited for him to start afresh in Australia with my sister and aunts. ♥️

My War Chest (or lack of) is the more pressing reason for my downer mood of late. It isn't enough to do the bare minimums which all compete for my attention - renewing the lease (£800), paying the service charge (£1100) and moving costs after I sell (£1800). Not renewing the lease could cost me five figures on the sale price, the sale might be blocked altogether if I don't pay the service charge up front, and I can't go anywhere with nowhere to go. It's like coming to a crossroads but all directions are dead ends. And staying where I am isn't appetising at all, winter in this dark flat is not fun.

I did at least order samples of flooring for the living room. I fancy myself as a vinyl floor-fitter, since I can't afford to buy carpet or have anything installed. I've also cleared my desk and I will get rid of it this week - I don't use it and less furniture to move will make flooring more doable. 

Expenses list redone... The emergency fund seems pointless while everything springs up in front of it. And my maintenance charges mount each month (I have £62 left over each month and fuel needs to come out of that... I don't want to think about my insurance renewals in the new year). 

Must muster more mojo.

Procurements and Concoctions

Oops: I thought I had published this post, but here it sits in Draft land. A lot has been going on and also, a lot hasn't happened. Anyway... 

Lose: having to resort to really crap nappies for a week because I refuse to buy a third pack. 

Win: a three pack of saucepans and one frypan which altogether cost the same as the 1+1 from the Middle Aisle and I'm very pleased with them. We also got a sieve and a grater. 👏

Lose: My carrot cake was so disappointing, it's a recipe I remember enjoying 25 years ago but this time the icing was awful. I am the victim of low fat cream cheese and not-butter. I ate it all, but spent every bite reevaluating my life choices.

Win: Little X actually eating peas, carrots and courgettes in other foods again.

The nice weather is disappearing far too quickly and it's easy to give in to a low mood. Sigh. 

Kitchen Shenanigans

So I vaguely had in mind to cook properly from scratch once a week and also bake something once a week. But this is me. 😂 I will say it was immensely satisfying to rejig my kitchen and it now feels like a room I like using again. ✅ 

The first Monday I bought Carrot Cake fixings and then realised I'd forgotten cream cheese for the icing. 😑 I made Courgette Muffins instead. They worked, but were too heavy on the veg so were overly moist rather than chocolatey. We both did eat some, but they didn't keep well and a few ended up binned.

For dinner I tried hamburger patties on the frypan (I haven't used the stove top for years!) and they were a big hit with Little X. ✅

I also made a dessert, white choc marshmallow with cereal pressed in. This was amazing. It's Rice Crispy Bars from the supermarket except more, and however you prefer it. I just made it up as I went along. Little X ate some but absolutely hated the sunflower seeds and that caused some drama. 🎭

The second week I cooked Tuna Mornay. This ended up with "mmmmmm" at high volume 😂 so I think we found another food she'll eat. We also had meatballs in savoury rice - not from scratch really but another food she will eat. ✅  For baking I made banana bread tonight. Ladies and gentlemen it's the fluffiest cake I think I've ever eaten. It's definitely delicious but the jury is out as to whether a cake this soft will stay edible after 2 days.

If it lasts that long.

She also enjoyed fresh pikelets this week. 😋 

I now have 5 defaults and 2 more say they will default me. As they do so, I am beginning a £2/month payment to each one. To my great surprise one debt recovery company wrote to me accepting £2 a month as an ongoing arrangement 😲 despite me not asking if that was OK 😲 and it isn't even the smallest debt. I am now hoping others do the same - they manage 3 other debts of mine so we shall see. 🤞

Microwave is an absolute disaster and I'm using it as little as possible. Air fryers are on sale this week for £25 🤔 and I am also pondering a £6 saucepan since I don't own one. And a £7 frypan as both mine are awful. 🤔 

The Decluttering Secret

I have decluttered about 90 bags or boxes of things from my home. Ultimately, I am aiming for 100, and I am now at the point where I can see everything left to pare down, in about 6 crates. 💪

So what's the secret? It's not what I always thought. I had always thought that hoarders are unnaturally attached to things of no value. But no. It is about being realistic with yourself. 

It's losing the "scarcity" mentality. The knee-jerk reaction to never discarding anything because you don't have enough of something and you equate "not having it" to deprivation, either physically, or mentally. 

I had a shocking habit of buying or salvaging anything I might need in future, doing it because I knew I might not have the money to buy it later, or it was an opportunity for me to sell it and earn money. Well guess what, stuff is not useful while cluttering up your valuable space. It's not helpful when you aren't touching it for months. And it isn't worth ANY money while sat in your house.

I took a more honest look at myself, was I really going to use it, fix it or sell it? If I'd had it a year, the chances I'd touch it were pretty slim, so I gathered my adulting and got rid - I'd just deal with buying one if need be. And I didn't need multiple projects that I wasn't completing. One or two is enough! 

This morning I binned a dozen microfibre cloths and ten tea towels. I can surely find a couple of pounds when they wear out. I literally threw five quid in the bin but gained a cupboard for the next five years. That's a win, imagine, a nice clear cupboard for one pound per year! Two pence a week... that's nothing. It's repeated every time I clear space. And it's an absolute bargain for how the clear space benefits my mental well-being. 🙏 

Score! x2

Little X's progressive anti-vegetable stance is attempting to branch out and she's started rejecting most fruit. 😑 Pay day has come around and I've decided to cook and bake. I've even hauled out the blender and I'm psyching myself up for courgette muffins, carrot cake and pea & ham omelettes.

While hunting for the baking paraphernalia I discovered two tins of food Best Before 2018. Both of them got binned. Old me would have eaten them. 😂 I also found an extra-large glass cutting board big enough to cover my stovetop. 😍 Yes thank you. I also sorted my tupperware. 👏 Feeling: energised.

I blended up carrot & potato waffle mix but they're too wet with not enough egg to set them 😭 which is a right pain with ten already portioned in the freezer. 😭 Unsurprisingly Little X went "no thanks" once I actually got it solidly cooked. I cooked one for myself and after 45 minutes under the heat I was annoyed. I loaded it with breadcrumbs all over and it was surprisingly nice alongside my HALF a pizza 🍕 (new me isn't eating a whole one). 🏆

In mentally preparing myself for shopping, I reflected that one shouldn't need to mentally prepare for an ordinary task they've done for years. Hauling the groceries about is starting to get to me, physically. Time's up. The weight needs to come off. Loads of salad veg came home in my trolley. It's day three of Not Being A Pig and I haven't made revolutionary changes but every day has involved a salad. Gotta start somewhere. 👍 

Duh Eureka

So my curtains have always felt like you're going to rip something as you pull them across, or actually break the track (because the plastic hooks are so tight on the plastic rail). But in a stroke of genius, or more accurately why-didn't-I-think-of-this-before, it turns out you can wipe the curtain track with machine oil and the problem is gone. 🤸🏻 It's going to be a pretty sunroom. 🏠 🌞 

It also turns out that one could very easily fall off that damned ladder. It was very, very close. I was looking down at the objects I'd be landing on. 🫣😵 I took it as a sign to stop working until the afternoon. But even then, as I painted a small section above my front door, wobbly legs told me, that's enough for the day. 🎬 

What I don't need: more than 7 of any clothing item. I never go a week without washing clothes, so why would I need more than 7? After my "Nobody needs three sets of sheets for one bed" moment last week, today I binned some underwear 💪 and I have my eye on the sock pile next. 🧦 🧦

Sold and out the door: Little X's cot (and sheets), J's fridge. Why can't I harness that kind of energy all the time? 😂 

Reshuffling

I've had a better few days. The mouldy curtains survived a wash, but unfortunately so did the mould. Miraculously, they then survived being washed at 90°C in a whole bottle of bleach, and are hung back up to dry, no mould in sight. ✅ I'm chuffed they are fresh again. I've finished priming that wall and there's one other wall patch to do before the top coats.

My cheap blinds arrived and I think I can make them work. ✅ 

The bathroom plastic shelves now hold shoes, so they're all neatly hidden away in the wardrobe. ✅ 

I cooked properly for the first time in ages. ✅ 

I finished washing my stored sheets, towels and quilt covers, and now they fit into my drawer. Several donated, several binned. ✅

I actually sat down and tried to do my life admin that's outstanding, but the website was down. I then forgot for three nights. D'Oh. I'm awarding myself a bronze Participation Award for trying. 🥉 

Funky Few Days

While scrubbing, sorting and tidying my bathroom paraphernalia I contemplated just how many invisible and unaccountable home maintenance tasks just exist. What a ridiculous amount of cleaning and tidying and stuff-organisation we have to do, tasks which leave absolutely no evidence you even did them. 🤔 And also for renovations. I will continue to scrub, spray, scrape, wipe, wash, prime, paint, install, and voilà. And at the end it will be a nice looking old bay window with nice features, but no indication of all the work involved or how it used to look.

It's being delayed right now as my knee has decided to cease functioning as a useful joint, so the ladder isn't happening. I've painted part with primer. It reeks, and there's not a way to keep the smell away from Little X, so I'm not doing the whole lot in one go. I also lifted the carpet in one corner. It's herringbone parquetry floor 😲 which should be a no-brainer to show off, but it's not level and would be freezing cold. I might remove a strip of walkway of it, see if it's good enough to paint white. Might.

I own far too many cleaning cloths, hand towels and tea towels. Perhaps I would have known this if I'd actually sorted out my washing pile before now. I really could solve linens taking up too much room by culling most of the spares...

Still procrastinating on my paperwork. Must find motivation.

Incremental Upgrades

Ever since I moved here I've been upgrading my furniture. I'm tired of temporary items, furniture which folds up, stuff which is meant for camping, flatpack products assembled from a hundred pieces.

My plastic bathroom storage was frankly putrid from dust and spilled lotions, shampoos etc. I was prepared to do a clean out, and I was despairing that it would still look awful. But this week I managed to snag myself a four-door wooden cupboard for free. 😍 It's old, a bit past its best, and needs a repaint, but it will do just fine at hiding all the untidy bottles and boxes. 

Currently pulling my old plastic shelves and drawers apart to clean them. I cannot wait to gift them, cleaned up and gleaming white again, to someone who can't afford fancy, and who sees them as a bathroom storage win. 🏆

I already gave away my open metal shelves. 💪 Next in my sights is losing my cage shelving. I haven't had it very long, but the stuff in it doesn't look good and doesn't need to be on show, and honestly, I'd just rather pare down belongings until it's unnecessary. Wish me luck. 🍀 

Received: my £100 from the council. ✅ 

Avoidance As Standard

My renovation to-do list is not short, and somehow it seems easier to do the physical work than the paperwork-y admin-y things. I've done some more stripping, scrubbing, filling holes and sanding. Oh, and spraying, wiping, scrubbing, and mopping walls and floors. The lino in the kitchen defies cleaning. I am eyeing up new lino flooring, it would only cost me around £40 for that room, but so far, I'm making myself slow down and am doing one project at a time. (I may or may not have also priced up new lino for the bathroom floor too. And vinyl to cover the bathroom tiles. Ahem.)

Little X had her last day at nursery. 😢 But at least I took advantage of that time, to get some handiwork done. We are now potty training. So far it's a disaster. Give me strength to keep up with the washing! 🙏 

Good girl: I have actually depleted my freezer for the first time in about a year. It only has dregs of things, enough to feed kidlet for another few dinners.

Hugely annoying: Little X was almost climbing out of her mini cot 😒 so, grrr, I've had to take the side off before she fell out. This sucks, as I've had to move most of my storage to stop her getting into it all while I'm asleep. Everything touchable has had to go in the dining area, beyond the baby gate. The flat is back to "all furniture shoved stupidly wherever it fits". Sigh. I need to re-gather my enthusiasm for having even less stuff, so that I can have even less furniture.

Spendy McSpenderson: I decided against the rigmarole of installing net curtains. IKEA had some ridiculously cheap blinds (which are, honestly, cheap, flimsy-looking, ridiculous and £4 each) but I've bought them and I will see whether I'll get away with them. 🙏 

Lidl Lemon Swiss Roll Cake: A Review

So maybe you were wondering how this delicious-looking cake tastes, and you've come looking for a review first.

I will preface this by saying I've eaten many flavours of Swiss Roll and I always buy the value brands. Tesco's strawberry one is delicious. I have a sweet tooth and I'm not fussy on flavours, nearly anything goes and I'll try (and eat) almost anything. I am especially fond of lemon-flavoured cakes and muffins. Love me a lemon curd anything. Lemon icing? Lemon filling? Into my trolley you go, and into my mouth. 

Dear reader, Lidl's Lemon Swiss Roll Cake is absolutely vile.

The cake itself is probably OK, if you could somehow free it from the weird lemon flavour and the absolutely nasty feel of the light, bodyless but somehow cloying fake cream. I'm talking super light vegetable fat or some kind of chemical, which hangs onto your tongue like Rory in Year 9 who you kissed for a dare and which you regretted ever since. Other reviews mention the chemical taste of this filling, and yeah. This doesn't taste like food. It is so overly sweet without any kind of satisfaction of creaminess, just a weird slimy stuff, and way, way too much of it. 

I really hate waste and I was super disgusted looking at the remaining 11 slices in the pack - yes it's very generous in pack size, I wish they'd used better ingredients and made it half as big. But I'm pleased to report that if you like tiramisu, you can use this cake. 2 slices into a bowl, mix a large heaped teaspoon of coffee powder with 2 tbsp of boiling water, mix then sprinkle over the "cake"(I use the term "cake" very loosely as it's more than half "cream"). Voila, the coffee hides all the disastrous wrongs and it becomes nice. 

Yours sincerely, 

Me, and never again. 

Checkmarks ✅

I tried: offloading the last of the nappies to the baby bank, but they just can't give them away. Into the charity bin they go.

Unexpected: I thought I owed work 4min 48s of overpaid leave, and was waiting for them to request their pound back. But £13.54 arrived in my account instead, so I guess I miscalculated and they owed some leave to me instead. Good employer is good.

I've been continuing with the walls and stripping the wallpaper around the windows. It's gross work, there's mould and grime and, just, how do windows get so yucky? In my ebay basket: net curtains and wall attachments. I am waiting until the windows are almost ready. I will also need to visit a hardware shop for the rods. I should have bought them years ago so that I could open the drapes in nice weather and still have privacy. But for selling, drapes open is a necessity (I have a water view!).

Well done me: I finally cleaned up J's fridge ready to sell. 

High Ceilings: Boooo.

I don't recommend these, for reasons of painting and extra heating bills, but primarily for my current trial of hanging wallpaper. At 2pm on Tuesday I decided there was plenty of time to hang one length before nursery pick-up time at 3. Gentle Reader, I was wrong. 😂

I'm currently irritable because said nursery is breaking up 2 days before the end of term, meaning she only gets 2 more sessions. I have 7 lengths of papering to do (circa 4-5 hours) plus the stripping and prepping around the windows, which is a horrendous job. If I manage those two things, it's the best I can expect. I will have to do all painting with kiddo in the flat. I did most of the first coat at night, but good daylight really would have been better for painting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

With each task and tidy out I move another piece of furniture. Things are almost in logical places, which is a first in several years. My flat almost looks like a normal flat, planned and arranged with purpose, instead of a "space where you shove things wherever they fit".

Just as I'm feeling ready to sell it, it feels like a home. 😂

Win: I went to German Supermarket and spent £25 to get my free £5 voucher. 👏 I also got a free savoury rice packet and a free big bag of cheese curl crisps that Little X likes. I also... ahem... bought two Monstera plants for £6 each (Swiss Cheese plants) which don't yet have their characteristic leaf holes but do still look lovely. 😍

Plus: £50 has been credited to my council tax account as expected. 👍 They also finally processed my application for general support and are sending £100 - no idea when. 👍