Musings #37581

Not for the first time, I've been reflecting on how my posts have become infrequent. Part of it is that I'm kinda occupied with a small child, but there would definitely be time for blogging if I made time. It's also an efficiency thing; I'm so used to not spending that my posts would be a series of identical top tips on just leaving your money alone. But there's a third reason and it's a bit disturbing. It's that I am so close to the bone that none of my money-saving habits are a choice or achievement anymore. I've completely exhausted all those tips; I find myself bored in all those money-saving newspaper articles because there just isn't anything left that I can change, to spend less.

I am coming to a crossroads. Little X is ten months old and I've now been off work for a year. That's been 9 months of deficit in my budget, followed by three months of enormous deficit in my budget (survived by a money transfer and freezing some repayments). For the past month or so, every supermarket visit has meant having to check which credit card I had just paid the bill for and so could now fit a £10 spend. It couldn't have continued. It's been like circling the drain. 

It's felt eerie because no matter how tight my budget I have never before been in a position where a necessity can't be bought. But last night the kitchen light blew and I was so, so grateful that there was a spare in the drawer. And as I've used my Healthy Start card to buy fruit and milk for Little X, I've thought, this money is limited to only these items because otherwise some families just couldn't buy them when they needed them. And then I realised that now includes me.

The escape route (going back to work) has felt like a losing choice. Childcare is a nightmare and not free, and working more than 8 hours a week lands me a 55% tax rate (the pound-for-pound deduction from my Universal Credit) plus I'd pay ACTUAL tax, National Insurance and travel expenses. The idea of all that kerfuffle for maybe £2 an hour... It feels like the system is engineered to keep me at home. 

But if you know me at all, you know I'm a problem-solver. It's why I have focussed on the sliver between, that 8 hours of grace. The original plan was taking job #1's saved up holiday pay at 8h per week, which would help me tread water for another six months. But job #2 has been in touch and I am hopeful of a golden goose, working 4h per week with Little X in tow. 🤞 🤞 🤞 This would extend the reprieve to a whole year. I will update as soon as I know. Send good luck vibes. 🤞 🤞 🤞