Sigh (Size Large)

Today I dropped out of my English course. 😢 Why?

Childcare directories checked: 4

Websites researched: about 30

Enquiries sent: approx 20

Replies: 4

Carers with availability: 1

Number who are registered and deductible: 0

Cost for the 6 hours of the exams: £170

This would be an ongoing issue if I were to try and qualify for anything that isn't 9 to 5 work. I haven't ruled out studying something but the time is not right. 

I think this is why I've felt a bit mopey for the past few weeks. Little X has interrupted the past four lessons, I haven't had a chance to do homework or study, and the entire course has shifted to "passing the exams" which is like a doomsday clock when you don't know if you'll even be able to go. So while I feel sad right now, it's going to be a relief to no longer care if she's still awake at 5.45pm. I will focus on my side hustle. Five weeks in now and while I am not rich, it's a steady trickle and it helps. 

We went to the Baby Bank on the weekend as somehow Little X hasn't got long sleeve tops or jumpers which fit. We only found a couple, so I've also bought a few off Vinted. (How early can kids start wearing Christmas jumpers, and are Christmas pyjamas acceptable daytime attire for a baby? Asking for a friend.) I managed to offload another bag of newborn clothes. Four more to go.

They also had some cotton daytime nappies. 👍 Last year I was battling to dry the bamboo indoors, so here's hoping the new cotton ones work for us.

Currently enjoying: Little X's virus and rash. It's Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. She's mostly in good spirits but tiring quickly, and we're stuck in the house for a few days. Yay (sarcasm). 

Multiple Miscalculations

My side hustle investment thing is doing better than I realised. I have tentatively set it to automatically withdraw £60 each month in profit, as "income", since it also costs me £40 per month to be a member, so, I'm assuming I will make at least £100 each month. Optimism, right? There is money sitting about in the working account now and I need to knuckle down and start more jobs on it. Next goal: to have enough sitting about that I can increase my regular withdrawal. Tonight I'm doing a mini training course on another job type in the system so that I can do those jobs.

I sat my first practice English exam and scored 75%. The teacher was raving about how well we all did considering we had just started the course, but I was quite disappointed in my score. I thought I was "good at" English, at least in understanding and interpreting a text. I think what I found most frustrating is that I read the answer key and thought I had done as the question asked, but apparently, I didn't, and I don't really understand why. She seems to think we will all get better at these with practice. I hope so. I don't know how to improve when I don't know what was lacking. It was all the more surprising since every question we answer in classwork, she says is correct...

Speaking of that course I have to find childcare for three exams and it is really difficult. Everyone I've approached either doesn't answer my enquiries or doesn't do one-off sessions. Ugh. It's the same problem for Job #2. I really need a regular small-hours role where I can take Little X with me. I'm hopefully visiting the site this weekend just to see if it might be possible.

Hedonistic Adaptation Fail

I have found myself in that terrible place of late, the "constant wanting" mood, always thinking wistfully about physical things that I want but can't afford. It's so unhealthy and really brings the mood down. And it's not like me at all. I usually focus on the fact that I can make do with what I have for now, and then I come up with a long-term plan to change things for the better. But lately I have found myself hitting walls in the daydreaming, and considering more and more ridiculous ideas as goals.

I wonder if some people live their whole lives like this - but don't do the daydreaming and planning to get out of it? Place one foot in front of the other, go to work each day, come home to a place they're not happy in, but conclude there's no escape? How awful. I at least know that this shall pass and I will find a way. If I haven't found the way then I haven't finished solving it yet, and I need to remind myself of this more often. It's partly because we're still quarantined, I'm sure. Each day I hope will be the one when the snot fest ends 😂

I counted up my profits from the new side hustle over the past three weeks, and it looks like only £150 overall. 😔 But there's a few jobs in progress that I can't calculate until they finish. I am hoping it breaks the £170 mark in the next few days. Building it up is slow going, but there's not much else to do after Little X is asleep each night apart from housework. I'm slowly getting better at it.

I also dyed her "new" larger night nappies. I needed to stop mixing them up with her day ones. Nine lovely purple nappies are hung up to dry. There are another 12 in a different style and I still have more dye. We'll see. I'm battling to get everything washed and dried in limited space and it's not even winter yet 🤐

Accomplished: repaired the torn car seat cover and got it all clean. Installed the seat, which is huge - and the space is squeezy, so here's hoping she cooperates getting in and out. We paid £2 to vacuum and deodorise the seat under it. She never even eats in the car and the seat was nasty. All fresh now and ready to roll 🚘