This Week's Top Comments

1. Customer: Do I want a bag? No, I've got dozens of them in the back of my car. The place where plastic bags go to die.

2. Customer1 (while the sun is in full scorch mode and the day is looking glorious): It's so lovely outside. What time do you finish, love? Me: 6pm. Customer: Oh, the weather is awful outside. Customer2: It's raining. Customer3: It's terribly cold and windy. Customer2: I wish I'd brought my coat.

3. (Customer's daughter chats happily to me during the transaction, then runs off and presses the "sad face" reaction smiley at the store exit.) Mother: Why did you press the sad face? Kid: Because I miss my friends from school. Mother: It's been a day and a half. Me: What did I do wrong? Now my boss is going to ask me what I did wrong to make you sad! Mother: Oh no, you'll get her in trouble! Go, quick, and press a happy face before she gets in trouble! (Kid pelts full-speed to go and fix her feedback while the mother and I laugh.)

4. Customer: I only came in for one thing! Oh, I bet everyone says that. Me: And then they tell me they've left their bags in the car. Customer: I really did leave my bags in the car! (Pauses...) You just have so many things that I think, ooh, I need one of those. Me: Imagine working here! Customer: I'd have no wages. And I didn't even get the thing I came in for. Me: Bingo! (She managed all five of our top-heard comments in one transaction.)

5. The "ping" system for opening new tills was broken, and we no longer heard the "PING, We'll be opening till three in a moment, till number three will be opening shortly" over the PA system. I resort to using the headset, which only staff can hear: Ashton, could you open till 3 please? Ashton: You didn't ping me: Me: The pinger is broken. Ashton: Say "ping" then. Me: What? It's broken. Ashton: Say "ping". Me: PING, Ashton could you jump on 3? Ashton: PING I'll be opening till number three shortly.

6. Elderly lady, who has already bought her neighbour's few things, and is now ready to pay for her own small bag: Now, be gentle with me when you tell me MY total. Me: That's four hundred and seventy-eight pounds twenty, please. Lady: laughs uproariously and says she's going to use that when she knocks on her neighbour's door in a few hours.

7. Customer acts like an absolute dick while his quiet & polite friend was shopping and I can see he's "one of those" who needs the whole shop to hear him talk. His first item comes up as "unknown". Customer: Oh, it must be free, then. Hahahaha! Me: Haha. (I grab a £2 pack of cans with a torn box.) Customer: Can I get this half price? Me: The contents are fine, so we can't do that sorry. Customer: Well how about a better price? Me: Eight pounds. Customer: What? Me: It's a better price for me! Customer: How much for your phone number? Me: Eight hundred pounds. Customer's friend: (hysterical laughter at full volume)