Because I am Me

I do things different. Or, if you like, weird shit happens to me.

I applied for two roles at a large homeware store. Let's call the roles: Section Sales Supervisor (the section not specified) and Electronics Manager. So I get a call from "Amy" inviting me for an interview, and then I realise I don't know which job it was. I call back and I cannot get through. No email. Ok, well I'll go along and just try to wing it.

The front desk tells me Amy works in Electronics. Aha! Good. I'm introduced to the Operations Manager. OM goes into lots of detail about budgets and targets and so on. Everything we discuss here matches the management role. I'm also asked my current salary and requested salary (which means it's the manager role, as the SSS role has an advertised hourly rate).

OM leaves, and I mention to Amy I applied for two roles, and list them. She says, oh, the management role I have nothing to do with, OM handles that. Holy crapsticks. I've just interviewed for sales supervisor? With this level of discussion about targets, forecasts and all the management oversight I'd be doing, and which stakeholders I'll be liaising with?

Possibility #1: the sales supervisor role is disgustingly underpaid with a ridiculously high set of responsibilities?

Possibility #2: OM thought I was interviewing for the manager role?

Possibility #3: He knew I'd applied for both and decided to do it all at once and then think about where I might fit?

How I feel just now: not the right company for me. The previous company now looks very much more like my thing and within reach of my capabilities. I also feel ever so slightly mentally wrung out!

Run like me: am on week 3 of the Couch to 5k, and am beyond amazed that I managed to run the longer stretches today of 3 minutes each. Three minutes sounds pathetic, but I'm being kind to myself while my left leg is not doing a very good job of being a leg, and I am just deciding that I am "on target".

Shin Splints

My face, when ouch.

Two incredibly joyful words, aren't they? Well no. Frustratingly, it's now the pain in my legs which stops my fitness from improving rather than being out of breath or exhausted. This isn't how it's supposed to be and I demand a refund on my aspirations.

Increasingly I'm starting my work shifts wishing it was already time to go home. This is not productive and does not lead to an enjoyable time. I've bought new mala beads and I really should spend some quality time in reflection and meditation.

Good thing: I went for an interview today. Interview was very relaxed and they gave off very good positive vibes. They have been honest and admitted this job role would be difficult to start out. They have also been up-front that it is a big step up from my current role and that it will be a concern they will discuss. Overall, I don't think I will be successful for this role but it was a good learning experience to attend it. Another one tomorrow and a further one next week.

Be Me

...go to Big Shop to buy new trainers

...try on all the trainers

...no trainers fit right

...curse

...buy trousers that hadn't been part of the plan. Also Christmas socks.

I've almost worn through my trusty trainers and I am now very tempted to buy the exact same cheap ones again for the fourth time. They fit properly, and that's kind of important when you're wearing shoes. The thing is, I was thinking I should get proper jogging trainers that actually cushion my foot a bit, but apparently everyone who shops in the Big Shop has really narrow feet.

I hinted that I was looking for another job, well, I put a few applications in. I had a phone screen this morning (and passed) and another place attempted one tonight while I was at work - but no sooner had I asked for a time I could call back as I was working, when she just said ah it's fine, I'll just put you through to interview. So two interviews next week (online manager and section manager), hence the need for dress trousers.

Sort of a bit bewildered because I am not in a "job searching" frame of mind in any way, mainly I just don't want to have to go back to my own work! But hey, these roles are all stretches for me, I'm already a little stunned at being shortlisted twice, truth be told, and I don't really expect to be successful. I suspect that I'll need to have a few knockbacks to make me accept that I don't have an easy route out of where I am.

That Moment

When one of your employees makes a life choice so breathtakingly dumb that you can actually feel your jaw drop open.

And you have to somehow paste on a smile and congratulate them and wish them all the best with their breathtakingly dumb choice really fabulous new adventure. Yeah. One of those moments you know will end in tears but they're so naïve that they think life is all roses and rainbows. Work Bestie and I have gathered the popcorn as we're convinced there is a train wreck coming.

On the plus side, Boss Lady thinks it's similarly stupid and did a bit of ranting and swearing that if Beryl wants to fuck off and skip across a meadow instead of working then she can fuck off and skip across a meadow because we're not going to deal with Beryl's too-busy-for-working bullshit anymore. (Beryl is not the cashier's real name, and Boss Lady used less-polite language.)

BL is shattered from the enormous workload of running our store while repairing incredible problems in cousin store. All while her own manager is ranting about improving all sorts of things and introducing great new procedures we all have to do and all kinds of new systems nobody asked for and which are less functional than the old ones and riddled with problems. So BL is tired. And I'm tired. It makes us cranky. It reduces the number of fucks we have left to give and our politeness capacity has gone way downhill. I had an argument today with another Beryl who parked in the loading bay, which made the lorry driver block the road for 25 minutes and then she used foul language at me when it was 9 hours into my shift, raining, and I hadn't eaten my lunch. Don't mess with me, Beryl. You're now banned from our store, don't come back.

Poor Demiboss is similarly exhausted and the big bosses keep asking us to go off and help other stores as well (!!!) with the excuse that we're "well-staffed". Excuse me. We're four cashiers down (of 12), five if you count the one that they've given a special task to, and now poor Demiboss is pulled out of her job to cover the manager. We are not well-staffed. I tried lamenting how hard it was to cover shifts and I got "be more positive!" and then "at least we're not as bad as other stores". What a pathetic by-line. We have a staffing crisis, they pile too much on every single level, and when inevitably someone struggles, someone else steps into their role, leaving someone below or beside them scrambling to take on the tasks, and it cascades right down to the cashiers. At every level people are leaving in droves and the company is struggling to replace them, a vicious cycle of more manure thrown onto more manure. And they wonder why they cannot retain staff...

I am eating Oreos. I ran my 5k in under 30 minutes today at the gym and then I went and bought McDonalds. Don't care. Have updated my CV and started job hunting. Me leaving would be a disaster to my store. Don't care.

Personal Best

Me, on the treadmill, and 30:22 for my 5k. This is, of course, not particularly amazing (and indeed rather crap for anyone who has EVER run at all) but for me it's the best I've ever achieved. And done with a sore knee, which I had to favour the whole time. But since it's me we're talking about, I was then too sore on my OTHER leg for the rest of the week - the muscles, from compensating! - that I had to skip the gym twice. Boo. Oh well, next time. I'd ultimately like to achieve 25:00 but I do expect that to take me many months.

In the meantime I'm considering buying a treadmill again. I saw one come up for £50 on Marketplace but right now, more "stuff" inside my Renovation Project is the last thing I need.

Exhausted of work. Fed up. Nearing the end of my tether. But at least I'm not the only one.

Wall-y

I haven't said much about my ongoing renovations of late because not much has been ongoing. I did my usual thing of losing interest and procrastinating. But this week I've finally got back into it. Turns out that the previous owners not only liked pink, cream and mustard, they also liked duck-egg blue. And might I just say for the record that I do not recommend all four colours be used on one room, in any circumstance, ever.

Burnt out at work, I have calculated (for the ninetieth time) that I cannot yet afford to either retire or be unemployed. This is quite disappointing. I am considering approaching my local member of parliament with a view to getting this sort of thing banned.

I decided to spend one of my days off attempting a ton of surveys from Prolific, Testable, YouGov and a few others. I have earned about £20. This, sadly, would not be enough to live off (surprise). Seems like I'm going back to work tomorrow morning.

On the other hand, moving boxes and stuff about in order to access the walls, I'm reminded that I do actually have a bunch of stuff I should offload, and one day perhaps I'll take it all to a car boot sale 😊

Not done: the several bank switching offers that would each net me about £100. But they require thinking, which is hard to do when exhausted. 

Back to the "Couch"

So a few years ago I had this hair-brained idea to try the Couch to 5k. It's specifically for people who can't run, to get them from nothing to running 5k (3.1 miles). By its very definition it should be unfailable. And yet, I failed. I tried for weeks. I had the official NHS podcast loaded into my player and I knew that you're supposed to be out of breath, but even my high pain-tolerance was screaming out a no and I just couldn't manage what they told me to do. I would be in crushing pain and winded after just a minute of slow jogging. It was soul-crushing to say the least.

So I binned it off. To be honest, I got a new job, ended up working 5-6 days a week and simply pretended I didn't have time.

Roll forward a bit and as you know I've rejoined the gym. And somehow I've found I can jog a little bit longer with smaller intervals of walking. So with some trepidation I've installed the much-updated Couch to 5k app. And ladies and gentleman I now have the dulcet tones of Sarah Millican to encourage me. I don't know whether she's ever heard her accent described like that, but here we are. And to my surprise with a slight struggle, I managed the first lesson ok. There is hope.

This has to work. I just can't go on with this job leaving me in a crippled state anymore (and lately I always am). Feet in agony, muscles sore and knees hating me. So increasing my fitness and decreasing my weight has to work. If it doesn't, I'm going to need to get a new career... please let me know if you hear of any jobs which pay you to sit at home playing games all day.