My credit rating has updated for the month and it's predictably hideous. I knew it would be bad, but I think it was still a shock to see the words "very poor". I'm not sure how to address it, whether to close a bunch of accounts or not. I've been told not to, but I have way too much available credit, so it's a catch-22. Fortunately, I don't really have the emotional energy to be at all upset about it.
Still fairly sad. Still feeling pretty lonely. Mostly I feel empty and that everything's too hard (arranging my life, achieving any kind of goal, going along to meet new people for coffee). I ponder "running away" sometimes and then remember that it doesn't solve a thing - I'm already running to a new town and it isn't a magic pill. I try to remember the teacher advising us that we need to allow ourselves our feelings, to feel the painful things, but just not dwell on them.
New work has a discounted gym and indoor swimming pool so I'm going to find out what it costs. I need me some exercise again, I am hoping it will kickstart my appetite. I also found a local meditation group which I might try out. And this town has such lovely gardens, so I should just get my trainers on and view me some trees ♥ every green girl needs her some wooded walks as a regular prescription.
I stayed overnight in the new flat. It was odd. Mostly I missed my own things because I'd only taken the bare minimum and felt like I was camping. But it was kinda reassuring that I can survive with very few possessions. Let's hope I can jettison a lot when I pack to move.
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