What Long Covid Is Like

A feeling of dread when you see a set of stairs. Wondering if there is a lift nearby, wondering who is staring at you for being "too lazy" to take the stairs.

Stopping mid-sentence to catch your breath. Catching the odd looks from people around you, because you "don't look sick", so they can't understand what's wrong.

Brain fog as the day goes on. Struggling with the words of basic small-talk after a few hours of human interaction. Making mistakes on a simple task you've done a thousand times.

Losing concentration even while driving, and reminding yourself to concentrate. Singing along with the radio, knowing that you knew every word of this song and yet the lyrics elude you, and you substitute the incorrect words.

Knowing that any time before 9am is a write-off; you spend the early hours clearing your chest of the gunk that still reappears every night. It isn't especially vicious, this long-covid-coughing, but even so, you wouldn't want anyone to hear it.

This is not a sad post.
Just a thoughtful one.

Pacing yourself. Avoiding long days, because you know they'll exhaust you, in ways that aren't visible. Hoping that nobody asks you to do physical work. Turning down job opportunities; giving up promotions; smiling and reassuring people that you're happier "down here" in your entry-level role (and you are; but mostly, because you know you can manage this role ok). Looking forward to a day off in a way that you never have before - not for the luxury of free time, but for the resting, to do nothing but regroup.

Counting your 30 minute walk in the gym as a major victory. Stopping before you wanted to, because you feel your lungs protesting, and your legs begin to wobble.

The odd moment of elation when you detect something you haven't smelled in a long time. The confusion when your favourite food tastes odd. Wondering who has been burning their toast, or smoking, or running an engine, inside a place that has none of those things. Eating lunch just because you should, and not because you can taste much of it.

Feeling like a fraud, because most people around you only had a three-day illness and now they're fine. And hoping that you don't need to remind people you have Long Covid, because it sounds like you're making an excuse...