Semi Zen

So I've been to meditation class again and this time the teacher quite lost me in the middle. I still feel more relaxed after the two guided meditations she did, but the teaching in between went on a fair bit about states of the mind and Buddhist teachings, which for someone unfamiliar, was a bit tough to grasp.

It's made me want to learn more about just meditation. I want a more pure relaxation mindset. I identify really strongly with the concept that our suffering is from within and from our reactions to the external - and that if we can learn to let go of stressful thoughts we will feel better within ourselves. I want that. And given how much better I feel even just relaxing for an hour and trying not to think about stressful things, I would like to find another group to share that with once I move towns. My current group has a different teacher next week so I'll still go again.

I have contacted a few people about rooms to rent. I don't really want to deal with all the utilities and costs involved with taking on a flat of my own. I think I'll need to put my own furniture into storage as the rooms to let all seem to be furnished. We'll see.

Swings and Roundabouts

I coffee'd my laptop this week, quite possibly the most devastating thing that could happen to me, not even joking. That 24 hours of not knowing if it would ever turn on again was really sad, and the relief as I reassembled all the internal screws and the thing turned on... I suspect people will laugh, but really, one person had the right reaction to express, "My whole life is in my computer" and I've never related to something so much.

Thekeyboard is acting up of coursewith some very stickykeys, especially the space bar,which is annoying, but notnearly as annoying as losing your entiresocial life.

I went looking on Bookface and discovered an entire group just for people wanting friends in my soon-to-be town. They invite randoms out for a drink or go on walks without hidden agendas. It sounds nice. I love being outdoors, but my own company gets pretty boring.

I'm struggling to get motivated to do the adulting things that need action, like finding a place to move to. Old Workmates have agreed we should catch up socially, which would be lovely. I do hope they follow through. I have a bad habit of believing people are my friends and not getting the hints that they aren't, and they don't want to actually be around me :(

Spent: £8.00 on a screwdriver set small enough to disassemble laptop.
Also, 23p on 8 bananas which I will never eat in time, but I had to buy all 8 to get the special price... ugh ASDA why do you force single people to waste food?

Looking forward to meditation group again. It really improved my mood last time.

Leaden Feet

Current work is sort of dragging because I just want it over. Customers are being really lovely and buying me drinks ♥ one tried to take me on a date and one has tried to buy me thigh-high red leather boots several times, very kind but no thanks to that one! The two people I do like the look of don't even look in my direction, of course. One of the two was writing a note for my coworker today on the bar, and Boots Man started joking that I was too slow to serve people, so I said he needed to wait because I was busy getting Note Man's phone number. Note Man just laughed and said "Thanks, sweetie..." yeah I just got friend zoned big time there buahaha.

Big Boss asked why I was going and why others have left too. People want more stable hours, but we also had no actual manager, leading to people bullying other staff, intimidating younger employees, not pulling their weight, being unsuited to their jobs, irritating customers etc etc. The Big Boss has asked me to put it all into writing. I'm also going to teach New Kid a bit of office politics.

Food today was one piece of toast, a pear, and a (free) chicken salad which I couldn't really eat. I'm struggling to eat anything at all lately and I have to force food down. I know it's the reason the weight is dropping so fast, at first it was that I was ill on top of being incredibly unhappy, but now even when my mood improves, it's tough to get out of starvation mode. I don't even feel shaky, which is odd considering I have such an active job. This accidental crash diet is very effective, so I'm not complaining. I'm loading up on vitamins.

I GOT IT!

SUPER stoked. I didn't get the first job I was after, but went for another one and got that. I nailed the interview. I knew within a few minutes, as the manager started using phrases like, "I will show you how" and "You can learn that first" and "You will be great" (rather than would/could/should, which you use for someone you're undecided on). She seems really down to earth, seems to think the same way I do, and even said that she wants someone who'll show the kind of attention to detail like making sure cushions on the sofa are perfectly lined up :D

I will be a Team Leader, essentially I do checks of vacated apartments, tell the housekeepers what I want done, train them, check their work etc. This is a huge boutique apartment block with amazing views, in glorious parklands, it's really rather swanky with plenty of money being spent on the building (why are they employing a commoner like me buahahaha). I was telling some of the customers at work that I was going to a snobby hotel in another town and one of them described the building - so apparently it's fairly well known. Swimming pool, gym... and garden views to die for. I can't wait.

Spent: £7.50 on new jeans, on sale. In a size 12. I haven't fit into a size 12 in a long, long time. I am so pleased!

Meditation and more

Meditation group was great! I don't quite know what I expected but it wasn't a beardy-weirdy hippie spiritual ommmm thing. I wasn't very good at it, but that's ok, and I felt quite refreshed afterwards. I will be going back next week.

I have a job interview this week and I am quite excited. I think my chances will be slim, but it's worth a shot. Just a case of "wait and see". It's also in the area I eventually want to buy, so it would help me kill two birds with one stone.

I have now lost 15kg and have 10kg to go. Mixed feelings here, and as I was saying to a fitness freak colleague, what happens if I get to my goal and I'm not satisfied with my body? Does it then become a source of unhappiness and obsession? He was pretty philosophical about it though, saying that even if that happens I will be physically healthier. He also had some tips for exercises, which I didn't promise to do, but I said I'd think about it. I'm being quite strict about having only two meals a day and I know that's not great for my ongoing mood. I think I just cling to the fact that soon I will find a better job and be a bit less gloomy.

Just as a note of interest, here on the right is what came in the mail to me from a personal loan company that I had enquired with some time ago. 535.3% interest. And "subject to affordability" means "is able to afford to pay £500 per month - in interest charges ALONE." Not even joking. How this is legal is beyond my comprehension. The only people who'd take this on either don't understand what they're being signed up to, haven't the mental capacity to be trusted with money, or are in such desperation that a payday loan won't fix things.

The company has kindly agreed to take me off their mailing list.

Better Luck Next Time

As expected I didn't get the job. Oh well. Have applied for a few others - hours at my work have dropped further and worse still, management have their financial year figures back and now constantly talk about cutting hours back even further. Customer service is starting to suffer - tips are falling and people are beginning to complain. Management are removing perks one by one in the name of austerity, and we're having to insist on getting our employee entitlements. Morale is on the floor and more than half the staff are looking for work elsewhere. My favourite co-worker leaves at the end of the week and I no longer dare to ask for free food. Nobody wants to be part of a sinking ship, I guess. What a change from a few months ago...

Have a monster cold right now to the point where I've come home from work early. When you can't concentrate and you're worried about making everyone ill, being around people is the wrong place to be. I wish the person I caught this from had thought the same.

Ahhh the Newton's Cradle. I swing from one extreme to the other, feeling relieved that I have the van money in the bank, then feeling annoyed that I can't do all the things I want, like paying people back and visiting Australia and replacing my car and also having a home loan deposit and legal fees. Which then leads me to indecision and it sits there. I already know I have to pay my parents back first, and if I'm honest with myself the frustration is in knowing that once I do that, I won't be willing to book a trip as it would wipe out the remainder.

Looking forward to going to a meditation group this week!

Rally Car Sounds

So I had a bit of a hiccup with my car, Pugsley, not long ago. On the way home I noticed he was a little louder than usual. By the next day he had a deep, rumbly, molasses growl. Honestly, it was beautiful, but it was so out of character for a Peugeot 107 that it was far too distracting just to enjoy it :D

Fortunately my lovely mechanic saw to him within a day, to a total cost of £160. Pugsley is now sporting a brand new muffler assembly. The best part was the mechanic remarking that it had sounded really great before he fixed it, just like a rally car - which made me laugh.

All things considered this is still an incredibly reliable car that's very cheap to run. It's eleven years old and it has come WAY under budget for expected repairs. It's also been very well looked-after. But I think I'm going to sell him after Christmas. He's done exactly as asked, but I'm now itchy for something with a little bit more power. Obviously I am looking at cars way over what I should be spending...

Received my cheque for the caravan. Feels a bit odd!

Work has cut hours and is constantly talking about cutting more - which I am seeing, as some staff get no shifts at all. I interviewed elsewhere for another position slightly above what I'm doing now. The interview most decidedly did not go well. It was even someone I knew and I still struggled to articulate the important points (and I spent far too long worrying about whether I was speaking too fast for her to take notes). Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Prolific

Another day, another cool property that I shouldn't be looking at. Same old!

I did some housekeeping today on my survey sites, updating my demographic info and checking my balances. I still have some more housekeeping to finish before I do a "master survey list" update so I won't give all the results to you just yet. But I will note that it's blindingly obvious which one is the best because it's way out in front of all the rest. I now earn something like £60 / month from this and I work full time outside the home - this site generally pays minimum wage, which is miles ahead of all its competitors, and you are never, ever screened out. It's Prolific Academic*. Unlike most survey sites you're not going to be asked about which brand of orange juice you bought this week or how you shop for table lamps. You're more likely to be asked about your experiences or feelings or reactions to social situations, these are scientific research surveys helping students to pass their degrees. Most of them are very quick and easy, too.

Mine didn't look this good.

If you do join up under me, leave me a message so I can give you a secret link on how to get more of the surveys. Since I found it I've had about 5x as many surveys. It's completely legit and honest, I just don't want to post it here for everyone to see, because the more surveys other people get, the less I get! :D

Lunch: nachos from work (free).
Currently enjoying: pink gin with frozen berries, soda and strawberry syrup

* referral link, I get some kind of bonus if you join, however I will never recommend something I personally don't believe in!

Irritated.

I had a day off yesterday and spent most of it reading money forums. Today was payday and I transferred the whole lot into Alright Savings account (as I have to meet minimum deposit amounts each month) then as I went to move most of it to the Good Savings account, bam. Account locked.

Long story short three phone calls and three hours to get that account unlocked... apparently it looked like money laundering due to the fact it is a brand new bank account. Slightly terrifying I must admit, will I actually trust Alright bank again with my money just in case they decide it is not mine next time, and won't give it back?! And the reason I had to move the money twice was their own stupid rule about minimum deposits!

For those of you who know, Alright bank was that bank whose internet banking went completely and utterly tits up not so long ago. It still basically sucks, as does their entire system. Calling them Alright bank is probably being generous, they're pretty rubbish and I only stay with them because (1) this savings account pays interest, and (2) my oldest bank account is with them and I need to improve the average age of my bank accounts...

Oh well. At least it was a good amount that I got in my paypacket!

Ah-ha Moments

I went to view two properties recently. It was a worthwhile experience even though both were overpriced and unsuitable layouts. The agent had a few pearls of wisdom which I hadn't expected at all. Another buyer mentioned getting a mortgage before going to auction and she told him why it won't work - if you're using that property as security, a bank will only loan after doing their own valuation, which generally takes weeks IF they will even agree to process one on an auction property. And even if you manage to arrange it very quickly and get the mortgage approved before the auction, it might be a waste of time and money if the auctioneer doesn't accept your offer price, and still wants it to go to auction. That would be a very expensive several-thousand-pound waste. The other buyer was gobsmacked. I just filed that away as "very useful to know", otherwise known as "I see now that you can't buy at auction unless you have another property or you have expensive bridging finance already" or, "so that's why everyone at the auction had grey hair, they all own properties already".

Interestingly, I got a concrete "reason" from one of the banks on why even the smallest of personal loans was declined. It seems I have access to too much unsecured credit comparative to my income (regardless of the fact it's basically unused). This was a huge surprise I must admit, because the credit rating companies all tell you that a larger limit makes you look more trustworthy, so accordingly, I had accepted every limit increase I was offered. But oh well, another "useful to know" tidbit. When I'm ready to look at a mortgage I'll close all the cards bar a single one with a £100 limit, or something.

Another Day

In a much better frame of mind today :)

I paid out my personal loan! Goneski! Goodbye 20% interest rate! In two years instead of four. And a pox on the bank that thought that percentage was ok.

I have also sold my caravan :) The funds should be with me in the next week or so. Such a relief. It also helps that I really, really like the people who bought it. The park office held us up for an hour and a half during the sale and we just chatted the whole time, about money, about banks, and about cars. In another world, we would have been friends. I also learned why cam belts go and how I can try to avoid that with Pugsley (it's a common repair on 100k mile vehicles)... invaluable advice which is definitely not difficult to follow.