I've spent so much of the past two days in tears. And I'm in a safe place. That's if anywhere is actually safe these days - there are no guarantees.
My family aren't in immediate danger but as we've learned things can change in a heartbeat. They have the same advice from me that I'm sure so many people have given to their loved ones in Ukraine: if you need to go, just go. Go west.
Gone. I want it back. And actually, it went over time. Seventy-five minutes of absolute information overload on Zoom, on how to use the government's careers site and the minutiae of do's and don'ts in an effective CV. Formatting, fonts, spacing, blah blah blah.
Can I just note that Ronald was concerned that he couldn't see himself in the chat room, Des couldn't figure out how to mute his microphone and Eric had his video switched on the entire time, so we got to watch him look utterly baffled for the entire hour, with his mouth open and staring at the screen? I do not think that anyone really learned anything from this information spewage, certainly not the ones who were technology-challenged.
I am most disappointed at not being invited to give feedback on the seminar.
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| Someone made this. I approve. |
It did remind me of that splendid Facebook exchange with Brendan though. Here it is, if you need a brilliant laugh.
New thing: mystery shopping tasks where I had to buy and then review each product for £1.50 plus the items would be reimbursed, so ok, why not. I've chosen not to state the app because overall, the experience was so mediocre that I just can't recommend it at this point.
Buy certain products, snap 1,000 pics, do so incognito and not look like a creep or stalker... erm ok. In the end I was only allowed to perform two tasks (booo) and the second one wasn't even sold at the store (booo). So I've come home with a tiny pot of custard and I have a part payment of £1.00 and am waiting for the other £1.50 and reimbursement for my custard. Very mediocre. I think I now see why these tasks aren't snapped up in seconds.
Life is a learning thing, isn't it? 😁 And I got out of the house for a while. I have several of these apps on my phone and am checking them every day, because occasionally the tasks look ok and pay over £5, they just need to be a bit more local before I'm willing to drive for them. There was one for £9 today but I was scared I'd not have the stamina to complete it.
News: successful at the Bargain Shop role. Induction is coming soon.
Research: banking interview paying £30 and train travel interview paying £45.
Storms Dudley, Eunice and Franklin have all hit us over the course of the past week. Verdict: One liberated electrical cupboard door, one neighbour with a piece of our scaffolding in his living room. Fortunately nobody was hurt, fortunately for us the scaffolding company is paying for the repair, and fortunately for the neighbour there's a roofer currently in the neighbourhood 😁 the same one which will be paying for our electrical door to be repaired, since it was them who left it ajar to be caught by the wind...
Honestly, I know Eunice was a 30-year storm and bigger than usual but every single time a storm comes along, people are surprised when trampolines fly across town, recycling bins go on a self-guided tour and outdoor chairs visit the neighbour's car windscreen.
Went for my interview at Bargain Shop, I think it went well. Had an absolutely fantastic natter with the deputy manager (well over an hour) and we got along like a house on fire. I just have to hope that he wasn't put off too much by me being a manager-y type or being candid about why I left the last two roles. We shall see.
Collection from Big Sister Store this morning: Honestly, I should have known that morning collections suck, and I shouldn't have gone. I drove too far for three boxes of bakery. Having said that, it included my two fave pastries (my breakfast) and the absolutely delicious olive bread that I just had for lunch. Lesson learned overall, I won't be doing morning collections in future!
Not with money, but with food (which tbh doesn't sound great). But hey, if you find yourself in need of sixteen leeks and fourteen packs of spring onions, hit me up. Fortunately I also got some veggie sausages (the good ones), some pesto pasta, spiced potatoes and the usual bread-type glut. I bought milk, and have an ad-hoc morning pickup from Big Sister Store during the week, so I can probably skip the supermarket for another week. Frighteningly, I am running out of crisps and chocolate, last bought in bulk from Hell Supermarket in mid-December. This might be a cause of evening stress, since I'm now in the habit of munching something while watching Britbox in bed. Last night I tried taking grapes instead. I am not sure if it's an acceptable substitute though because I gave up on telly and went to sleep to catch up on a lack of zzzz.
Clown was running the shop last night (wtf), and has been running Big Sister Store (wtf) and was not at all surprised to hear that they have a hiring freeze because he is exhausted and now demands a case of beer for any favours 😂 He was earnestly telling me last night how he doesn't want to get a formal promotion, he prefers to be a standby so that he gets to call the shots on when he works. So, my message got through even if he thinks it was his idea 😂
He also says that some new manager named Softie is running Big Sister these days. Softie 😍 what a lovely man, he was the one who chose me over Annoying Face way back when, he one who said some people will progress and some won't, and then looked in AF's direction and rolled his eyes. The one who tried to get me to come out to work in the Nowheremäki store with him to help me progress, offering to be my mentor. So, if they would just end their hiring freeze I might reconsider my vow never to work at Big Sister Store.
Interview at Bargain Shop on Monday... annoying... hoping for a small contract if I really must go, to get Universal Credit off my back with their stupid meetings and extra coaches.
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| Thank you, Benevolent Freecycle Lady. |
Dinner: Salad of rocket, baby plum tomatoes, iceberg and mushrooms, plus roasted spiced potatoes. All free. I also had a small tin of tuna with some mayo and sriracha (not free... but since I can't remember how long they've been in my kitchen, let's call it free).
I looked up the bargain shop in question once I got home, just to ignore the Shank's Pony suggestion from the other day, aiming to apply directly through the website. There on the front page was a declaration that employment applications are only accepted online. This is standard in 2022 so why that lady wanted me to print my CV and apply in person, I'll never know. I searched for the store in question and there were only two roles available. One is a senior management role (not the one she implored me to apply for) and the other is a fixed-term cashier role with a firm contract end date of Christmas Eve, last year. And they don't mean this year, because they even included that it's a Friday, which was 2021. I am trying to decide whether to apply. It allegedly closes in three weeks' time, so there is time to think.
Honestly I'm irritated as all hell but have no emotional energy to argue anymore. Mostly I'm pissed at all these things costing me petrol money and time away from doing actual paid work, like the £10/hour research work I did on Prolific Academic just before writing this post.
Now I've got myself into a Mood™.
Update: The super-duper job coach, isn't. Quelle surprise. She was very nice, but essentially just paid to read me their privacy statement and tell me about all the programmes in their portal thing. I'm to be contacted by yet another job coach type person, who will discuss some kind of programme to... honestly I can't remember what magical things this person will apparently do because I've received nothing but a wall of information about programmes lately, and my head is spinning. I don't have high hopes, particularly when it was noted that I probably wasn't in need of any assistance...
She did have a cool tool to tell me about which calculates how much better off I'll be in work. I plugged in my info and it has predicted that my Universal Credit payment will be £0.26 per week. (Where's my 26p? I want my missing cash.) It also told me that if I were successful at the role the 18yo had told me about, and taking my transport costs into account, I'd be effectively earning £2 an hour.
So I went along to a second appointment for Universal Credit, and to my utter annoyance she has booked me for a third next week. These are a pointless waste of time. She has also given me "feedback" on my CV which as far as I can ascertain involved changing the font from my standard Calibri to
some kind of shitty serif font thing
and destroying all the tidy formatting
She did absolutely nothing else. Is this some kind of moronic pretence that she's doing something constructive? Should I mention here that last week we had shared a laugh over people who hand in CVs written in the childish scrawl of Comic Sans, and wrecking my font is possibly the last thing I expected this human to do to mine?
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| There are so many Comic Sans memes, I didn't even have to make one. And I needed to caption this in the actual Comic Sans font - but Blogger has more taste than to offer it - forcing me to hand code it in for you, so that you can enjoy it. You're welcome. |
She then announced that a local Bargain Shop representative was in "the other office on the next street" and that perhaps I'd like to go and chat with them. I walked up the hill in the pouring rain only to be told, no, the Bargain Shop rep is in the office I just came from, so back I went. I was so out of breath I could barely speak, wet, in jeans and a jumper, and expected to sit with the supermarket rep in a sort of interview. The shop did not have an email system by which to receive my CV, nor any means to receive it electronically in any way, and the lady told me I should print it and deliver it to the shop in person. I told her that I had been previously invited to her store to interview for a management position, but I am not really sure that info will help me anyway.
Before leaving, one of the office-worker randoms standing around the room stopped me and asked me if I'd like to speak with one of the specialised trainers who was also in the office. I asked what it was for and got a shit-ton of enthusiastic gobbledigook about the fabulous hints and tips they have for how to write your CV and look for jobs. She must have seen the look on my face as I told her that I also have a phone appointment this afternoon with a specialised job coach who, I think, is going to discuss my CV with me and tell me how to look for work. At that point she said it wasn't compulsory so I thanked her and left. I got the side eye from all the other office-worker randoms - I counted seven of them in the room plus six security guards. Considering there were only about 3 clients, I can't decide if there are frequent violent outbursts in here or if it's just another way for the Job Centre to waste money alongside with making me attend weekly pointless meetings. Maybe the violent outbursts have been caused by previous clients' CVs being converted to plain text.
Anyway, all these things I'm required to do, and in return for this my payment this month was £0.00.
Vast amounts of ketchup, sauce, gravy, mayonnaise, curry or any other strong seasoning. Basically anything that obliterates its original "flavour". You're welcome.
Yes, I am currently "enjoying" Quorn cocktail sausages for dinner. Honestly, before I armed myself with the barbecue sauce, there was more flavour in my plain, cold, leftover boiled potatoes than in these warmed-up sausagey... things.
For once, it was a really good collection. I listed more than 70 items for people to come and collect, but only got one person who wanted to come... it's honestly ridiculous when people are allegedly struggling for money. My neighbours took a few bits and pieces. I wish there was no stigma attached to accepting free food. This stuff would go in the bin anyway, people might as well.
Salad, mushrooms, croissants, Belgian buns, coleslaw, bread, peppers, new potatoes. Yes thanks. Not protein this week, but that's ok, I still have some in my freezer. There isn't really anything else I should need for at least a week, apart from milk. Feels good.
Got my last pay from Ugh-Supermarket and it was better than expected because clearly I had misjudged my owed holiday pay. This will keep me out of receiving any Universal Credit, which is good, since I'd rather not need it. I'm doing ok with the surveys, just have the occasional dose of the I-don't-wannas, which I knew would happen.
British Gas sent me an estimated bill which hurt, and I stupidly looked at my electric meter and did the maths. I wanted to see whether it's in my interests to correct them. Safe to say, it is not. BG say I'm on this tarriff until July, and since I would clearly owe them a substantial amount of moolah, I shall say nothing and continue to pay their estimates until the end of June. I'm currently using more than their estimate, but when it's warmer I expect to use less than their estimate. Touch wood I will catch up before the next price rise.
I realised how out-of-date my Survey Master List was, so I've just spent some time updating it. You can see it in all its goodness here with info on how you can cash out, which ones offer PayPal, and which ones are the best paying. Since I am now spending half my days on doing surveys at home for cash, and coming close to supporting myself this way, you'd think I would have sorted that out a bit sooner 😁 but hey ho better late than never. Also, I discovered one that I'd forgotten about. Yay?
There are a couple of other bits and pieces I'm trying out too in my quest to monetise my side hustle (I think that's what the young folk call it these days) including a couple of phone apps that offer mystery shopping opportunities. So far I've been offered for browsing a technology shop, going to a car wash and photographing chocolate displays at a supermarket. Unfortunately none of them are (yet) a great fit for me in terms of locality but I'm trying to be patient for some closer to home.
Universal Credit appointment was terribly routine, she's a nice lady and didn't expect any miracles, so there's that. She has offered me job coaching help, which is ridiculous but which I said yes to because otherwise I look uncooperative. She has also noted that the job coach will help "fix" my CV, kind words from someone who hasn't seen it, but hey. I can nod through his advice then mentally shelve it.
It sounds there like I'm a bin man (or a bin woman?) but no, I mean my regular Olio collection, which was mostly bread and herbs. I knew nobody would travel for this stuff. Surprise, not a single request. Positive: potato salad is lovely. I really wish I could get a pickup closer to home! But people aren't stupid and they rarely give their collection slots up. I did a one-off at sister store and it was just as bad. Sigh.
Walk: I went down the first level of the cliff path. My leg muscles certainly felt it. I still came home feeling exhausted, but I wasn't shaky. I am hoping to manage two levels next time, although the second one will be a steeper climb back up.
Money: I am, in theory, earning enough from surveys to cover bills, although the payouts are often slow to show up or sat in systems under the withdrawal threshold. I continue to sign up for traditional market research, since those pay more promptly. Caveat: the only way that you can earn enough to survive on surveys is to work long hours and spend money on absolutely nothing non-essential 😂 it doesn't bother me for the moment since I wouldn't be buying clothes, makeup or takeaways anyway... but the strict spending ban and the lack of ability to relax is going to get very boring, very quickly!
Tomorrow: £25 Zoom interview about... microworking. Oh the irony.
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| Down with this sort of thing! |
But the way people are shouting about home ownership these days, you'd think someone held a gun to their heads. Kirstie Allsopp is in the news because she dared to suggest people give up small things to save for a deposit.
Cue the marching band and the people waving signs: shouting about average home prices, massive deposits needed, homes now costing 15x your salary, ownership being unaffordable. It's a huge, thronging, angry mob, stirred up by social media and even the traditional media, which repeats with glee ad nauseum how fast prices are rising and how impossible it is for first-time buyers these days.
The insane amount of people who've "done the sums" on Kirstie's advice have all missed the point. Kirstie wasn't providing a bespoke, step-by-step mathematical formula based on either the average house buyer or the exact person who happened to be reading it right at that moment. It's pointless doing the calculations based on averages, unless you happen to tick all the "average" boxes. And averages, let us remember, are pushed up by wealthy people. Averages include the Soho 18yo who was gifted half a million pounds by his rich parents. Averages are for school exams, a place where, I might remind you, Joe had 27 watermelons and ate four. Averages are not for real life, unless your name is Joe and you usually eat four watermelons.
If you work fulltime and have done all that mathematical working and concluded you can never afford to buy, have you tried challenging any of the assumptions? The averages assume that you're spending about £250k. Have you tried looking at cheaper properties? Maybe you already checked the areas you like, and there's nothing cheaper. Have you tried cheaper areas? Maybe you did, but you didn't find what you need. Maybe you assume you can't, because of work. Have you tried challenging what you need - could you cope with smaller? Uglier? Further? A change of job?
Or did you just assume that your entire list of what you need is not-negotiable and therefore it's hopeless? If you still think that, then this article is not for you. I wish you all the best and please drive though, do not pass "GO" and do not collect £200.
(Side note: If any of your mental comments for the last two paragraphs included the word "London", or really any expensive city, then you'll likely think none of this can apply to you, because this city is (insert excuse here). Special words for you: Living where you are is a choice. If you choose to live in Ripoff Town and you won't move out of Ripoff Town and you can't afford Ripoff Town then you haven't been the victim of the state of housing prices today - you have actively chosen not to buy a home. If you feel like you have no choice, then more than likely it's because of circumstances you created for yourself and choices you actively made. Life is a choose-your-own-adventure and you have chosen the path that leads to this. Again, please either change one of the items in your "needs" list or please drive through.)
Here's a list of what "average" people think that sacrifices mean giving up.
Takeaway coffee, McDonalds, gym membership, pay TV, nail and hair appointments, the week at Butlins or even in Spain, going to the football, nights out at the club, car washes and valets, the latest iPhones, the latest anything.
Here are ways which others have done - and you do not have to do it their way and nor should you - but here are so, so many ways to make up the "shortfall" in the angry-mob-calculations.
Rent a bedsit. Buy yellow stickers. Live in a share house. Get food for free (Olio) or at reduced prices (Too Good To Go app). Watch YouTube. Skip meat once a week for an omelette instead. Don't pay for parking, park free then walk a few blocks. Dumpster dive. Borrow things, don't buy. Delete your shopping apps. Join free groups on Facebook, and rehome the items other people don't need. Eat from your freezer. Sell your TV. Pack a sandwich for work. Collect points when you shop. Don't buy plastic bags. Charity shop. Ignore "best before" dates. Make coffee in a flask. Jacket potato with beans. Dry your clothes on an airer. Sell what you don't need. Say yes to overtime. Balance transfer your credit card. Make a shopping list and stick to it. Take a second job. Move locations. Jog around the park. Change careers to avoid needing to live in expensive areas. Do a no-spend month. Sniff your milk (don't bin it). Delay your vacation. Do Market Research. Skip the pub lunch or eat at home then just buy hot chips. Walk. Sell your old phone. Delay university. Pay in cash. Unsubscribe from your favourite online shops. Downgrade your internet plan. Say no to instant food and learn a new recipe or three. Take a water bottle when you leave the house. Put on extra clothing and turn down the heat. Leave your money at home. Do comparison shopping. Buy generic brands. Go to the library and borrow something. Find a cheaper phone plan. Switch off the lights. Use cashback sites. Do surveys. Check your bills are correct. Ask for a discount.
Pick one or pick them all or pick your own instead. But pick something and keep at it because good things take effort.
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| Baaaa. |
Who wants to be a sheep, all they do is wander around saying "Baaaa!"? Sheep don't buy houses, have you noticed?
Nobody's setup is the same, because are are not all sheep who look identical and walk around the field eating grass. (Eating grass is not a money-saving tip that I can recommend.) So do all your maths again - including the parts that start like this: "So what about if I do this, and save this much each month... how does the maths look now? What if I change this need to something else... what if I change this part... what if I make this sacrifice... what if, what if, what if?
Repeat 100x. Change something different every time. Keep asking the questions. Do the maths again next month. Change more things, consider more changes. Eventually you will have your "answer" on how to do it and that's when you decide if you're willing to do it. Maybe the answer is no, and you won't move two hours away from your sister. Or maybe you'll zoom call her and visit once a month so that you can buy your ugly box in another town and finally be free of paying rent.
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| Cute. Literally no other reason. |
But it niggled at me because one of my banks was throwing around a ridiculously low price for contents insurance. In the end I clicked through to the bank, and although it didn't apply to my circumstances, I figured it was worth doing a comparison quote somewhere just to reassure myself I was getting a decent deal where I was. I plucked Compare The Market out of thin air, partly because I've used it before and partly, because, well, meerkats are cute.
Anyway, at first glance it looked like I'd get a £10 cheaper quote (hardly worth switching for) but also £25 cashback for switching (ok, now you have my attention). At this point I remembered a very important piece of information, which is, do not ever switch insurers without first going back to them and seeing what they can do - including, asking them to requote you while checking all your info is correct.
There's a really good reason for this, you might find you're paying for something that is now included for free, or that doesn't suit you anymore, or some of your details might have changed. We all spend so much time and effort trying to save ten flipping pence off a reduced packet of apples, why on earth don't we spend a little bit of time on the BIG TICKET items which cost us much more?
Ahem. I'm glad I overcame my laziness. While chatting about my needs, the lovely Saphira managed to quote me down by a whopping £84.04, without me needing to faff about or argue, or wait for cashback money. Because she asked the question correctly (and made me think!), I have given up the "gadget insurance" I was paying for as I realised that my premium plus my excess went over the entire value of my new phone, which is the only gadget I needed to cover outside the house.
Last year I paid by-the-month in the hope it would help my credit history. It didn't seem to make a difference and when I asked her the monthly-payment APR, it's 24.9% (OUCH!) so this year I've paid up-front all in one go. Why? Because although it's only a couple of pounds per month extra that you cough up for the monthly payment plan, I'm not paying anywhere near 24.9% on my current debts. So it doesn't make sense to do so. Also, I used the credit card that's in the black, so it's all a win.
I win. I'm tired of thinking now, but I'm calling it a win. I'm also going to run off to my expenses spreadsheet and note down the new details.
What I learned, and you should learn too: "Please could you tell me the APR on the monthly payment option?"
Well, I think I know why I didn't get the supermarket role. It seems the Powers That Be have put a hiring freeze on, a thing they have done before. Being a small and temporary contract, it's likely the one I applied for was deemed non-essential. I've checked their website for the past few days and no new ads are appearing at all for the convenience stores.
This will eventually lead to store managers tearing out their hair and demanding the right to hire, and so I wait. In the meantime I will keep an eye out for interesting-looking roles in the large stores. I don't mind travelling if I get a full day out of it, providing it's not Only Putting Beans On Shelves like last time.
I found a dozen recommended traditional market research companies and am signing up to them one by one. You can't do many surveys like this, but it's still something.
Another day, another walk, another shaking leaf stumbling home. This is getting old. I don't even dare to walk down the cliff path to the beach, in case getting back up is horrible. Still, I can sort of imagine the sea air (can't smell it still!) and it is nice to stand at the top and look over the view.
Hopeful: that I'll be accepted into a research study worth about £50. It seems like I tick all the boxes. Fingers crossed.
...so why did I cook plant-based burgers tonight? Well, I'm still reallllly conscious of being low-income, so I thought I'd use them up.
Was it edible? Well yes. I ate mine in an English muffin which I got free last week. Was it nice? Erm... not delicious. The texture isn't bad and they are pleasantly chunky, but the pure grease factor just isn't there. I'd put what I thought was a lot of tomato ketchup on, but I ended up having to squeeze more sauce onto every single bite, it was that gluey.
Would I buy them? Not even if I'd invited a vegetarian friend to a barbecue, not when there are edible vegie sausages out there in the world.
I took myself to the shops today, firstly to post a parcel (jerk buyer sent me the wrong item) and then to buy COW'S MILK on the way home. It's only ten minutes away, but I was in trouble by the time I'd walked down then stood in the queue for another ten minutes. I was shaky and exhausted and not at all sure I'd get home in one piece. It was a long walk home.
It was probably related to not really eating a proper breakfast though which is my own fault.
Determined: to stop filling my days with junk food.Used: an old, apparently not-empty gift card that I found in my emails, so it feels like the milk was free.
Avoided: buying anything else, even the delicious-looking reduced Chow Mein.
Defrosting: two gammon steaks from my freezer which were free from work many months ago. They're enormous, so this will probably be several meals for me. There are also potatoes and salad in my dinner plans.