Is This Real Life?

ON THIS DAY I actually had to ask a lady to "stop" letting her dog piss on my car. Stop, as in, I finally caught the dog in the act. She offered to wash it off at least, but she clearly never pays any attention to what the dog is doing when it walks away from her and goes directly over to my car. How is a car park the dog's toilet in the first place? Sigh. I don't even know who she is. Someone from upstairs? I give up.

I tried going to the gym yesterday but within minutes my muscles just yelled at me. Sigh again. Home we go. It's tiresome, this whole "listening to your body" thing, and most inconvenient. It is a direct consequence of trying to run two days before that, and entirely my own fault.

I am currently annoyed at having money (what), Sainsbury's had a double-up promotion for points and I swapped for a £40 gift card, but I now have less than a week to use it. My house is full of food and I have a ton of bathroom and laundry essentials already. And it can't be used for fuel. I suppose I can buy some salad and fruit, but I'll still have another £30 to use somewhere 😂 Maybe I'll wander into their garden section...

I forgot: The small heater I ordered, arrived broken. The seller didn't seem to understand what "the electric control panel is not connected to the rest of it" quite meant and proposed repairing it. I politely said that for safety, I'd rather have a new one. They said they'd get back to me on whether that was ok (what?) and when they didn't respond, I just asked for a refund (which was miraculously agreed). I still have the heater and I don't quite know if they want it or what I'll do with it...

Good: Good Boss has given me a 20-hour contract and says he'll take me off the stock-unloading shifts 😀💪😀💗🙌👍🙌🙏😀

Old Lady Feels

Ow, crunch, oof, yeow, crrrrrack! I knew I had to take it easy for my first day back at the gym so I only did 10 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes of gentle walking. I came home, had a nap, and am now in total granny mode. I thought, I feel like a 90-year-old woman! And then I realised, no, I basically am a 90-year-old woman. This is the body I have built myself over the past few months and only I can reshape it into a functional one again.

Part of it will be because I figured out how to successfully sit while operating the till, which then means using core muscles more to reach things. Turns out that you really do need the upturned basket under your feet to avoid falling off the "perch" and it's not just "for the ones with tiny bums".

So I did a "big shop" the other day in both my own store and also the large one nearby, spending about £40 all up. It contained about two weeks' worth of dinners, plus (hopefully) most of the other things I should need. I couldn't help myself and bought a Chinese Pepper Steak fakeaway dinner and a Barbecue Chicken Pizza as treats for myself (both were reduced). Well viewers, I'm getting what I deserved, the fakeaway was edible but not delicious, and the pizza was really not nice. I might as well have had cheese on toast for all the actual chicken it included and the main flavour was just "pepper". #notrecommended

I've also bought a pack of cooked chicken pieces and a family-size lasagne, and the idea is to portion them up and prep myself some meals. I think both will be ok with throwing into the freezer, so that's the plan for my day off. Now I just need the motivation! 

What Long Covid Is Like

A feeling of dread when you see a set of stairs. Wondering if there is a lift nearby, wondering who is staring at you for being "too lazy" to take the stairs.

Stopping mid-sentence to catch your breath. Catching the odd looks from people around you, because you "don't look sick", so they can't understand what's wrong.

Brain fog as the day goes on. Struggling with the words of basic small-talk after a few hours of human interaction. Making mistakes on a simple task you've done a thousand times.

Losing concentration even while driving, and reminding yourself to concentrate. Singing along with the radio, knowing that you knew every word of this song and yet the lyrics elude you, and you substitute the incorrect words.

Knowing that any time before 9am is a write-off; you spend the early hours clearing your chest of the gunk that still reappears every night. It isn't especially vicious, this long-covid-coughing, but even so, you wouldn't want anyone to hear it.

This is not a sad post.
Just a thoughtful one.

Pacing yourself. Avoiding long days, because you know they'll exhaust you, in ways that aren't visible. Hoping that nobody asks you to do physical work. Turning down job opportunities; giving up promotions; smiling and reassuring people that you're happier "down here" in your entry-level role (and you are; but mostly, because you know you can manage this role ok). Looking forward to a day off in a way that you never have before - not for the luxury of free time, but for the resting, to do nothing but regroup.

Counting your 30 minute walk in the gym as a major victory. Stopping before you wanted to, because you feel your lungs protesting, and your legs begin to wobble.

The odd moment of elation when you detect something you haven't smelled in a long time. The confusion when your favourite food tastes odd. Wondering who has been burning their toast, or smoking, or running an engine, inside a place that has none of those things. Eating lunch just because you should, and not because you can taste much of it.

Feeling like a fraud, because most people around you only had a three-day illness and now they're fine. And hoping that you don't need to remind people you have Long Covid, because it sounds like you're making an excuse...

Bullet Bitten

Gym joined. And it's even the one that annoyed me last time. Ugh. Still, it needed to be done. I'm sure I will feel much better in a few weeks. I have three weeks in a row of decent work hours so I don't have much excuse not to. The joining fee is on my credit card and the regular monthly payment won't come out for another 24 days or so, which is nice for both amounts - yay for financial procrastination.

I cannot easily afford it, but I can't afford not to. I am more than annoyed with the weight I have put on, and I'm also becoming lazy with my flat, with my garden, and anything else I can use an excuse with of being too tired with.

New earning opportunity discovered: for this you will need an awesome Good Boss™ and the ability to turn up to work a bit early. Method: just clock into work six minutes early (this being the minimum amount of time which you get paid for). I was a bit early one morning and he told me to go ahead and clock in, and sure enough he approved the 0.1 of an hour in extra pay (which means another pound in my pocket). I do actually start work when I do this, and I figure if I work an extra 6 minutes before & after each shift, everyone wins.

Also, it pays for the gym membership 😂

Fuel Bites.

I don't fill up often so I keep getting a shock at what it costs. Yesterday (over £55) was doubly annoying, because for my usual method of payment, I've forgotten the pin, meaning that the purchase went on my "pay for everything else" card, which only has a monthly limit of £200. I now only have £30 left on that to last three weeks and I'm stubbornly refusing to top it up. I'm sure that in a week's time I'll give in just for the convenience of it all...

Tired, which is not new, but only one more work day to endure before I get a day off. I can do this!

Things which also bite: a 6am stock-unloading shift. Thankfully there were some extra hours for me to pick up on other days.

Good/Bad: Council Tax support has kicked in (so I have received a bill saying I'll only be paying £23 per month) but as has happened over and over again, I'll probably receive another one in a months' time saying my support has changed and the bills will go back up over £100. Yay? At least May will be cheaper.

Braaaaaaaiiiiiins.

They're weird. And mine is definitely affected. Probably by Covid; but I will concede it is possible I am just becoming a strange old woman.

Not this Brain.

I've noticed that I "tune out" the headset a lot of the time at work as I literally cannot follow the conversation. Sometimes it's people talking too fast for me to follow, sometimes it's not clear enough, and sometimes it's because I can't concentrate on the till at the same time. I am not too bothered, but I do know that I used to cope with it ok in my last job.

I'm also reluctant to do quite a few surveys that look as if they'll require thinking, or that go for more than a few minutes. I know laziness is not new, but I think now I avoid them because thinking is hard work. Concentrating on driving is now a thing; it's only 15 minutes to work, and that's ok, but the idea of a long-distance drive now leaves me unimpressed. For someone who loved driving, that is weird. I told you brains are weird.

It is kind of fascinating in a detached way and it makes me wonder if things will improve or stay the same!

Paying For It

Did a double shift earlier this week... felt perfectly fine after the first half... then sat down and ate my lunch. When I stood up again, I knew the day was going to be too much for me. I ended up incredibly stiff and sore. Lesson learned, an eight-hour day is a no.

Quite pleased to have lined up another future week of decent shifts. Finances are still incredibly tight but there is hope for getting on top of bills in the future. Big Boss man grabbed me during the week to say he'd noticed I was doing extra shifts, and that anytime I would like a larger contract just to let him know. So that was nice. Right now I don't want the contract changed - I want some kind of control on when I work and for how long - which is a pain, you know, because I'm broke, but this is where we are. After doing two days of six hours, I got a call this morning offering me an extra day, and despite how empty my bank account is, I had to say no. I could barely move. I've spent the day napping and mentally preparing myself for my evening shift!

Just for a change, I've been trying out games for cash instead of doing surveys. Verdict: it's incredibly poor pay for slaving away at terrible games and most of them consist mainly of watching constant ads. Ugh. I don't think the people who made these games have actually played them. The odd "decent game" requires many hours of play time to reach the payout level, which is a problem if you have a job/life. Currently doing jigsaw puzzles watching ads for £4.

The heater I bought? It's broken. I now have to pack it up and return it. I'm getting tired of this happening from Amazon, because every time, I have to pay to print the return slip and then take it to the post office - and that isn't easy for me with a heavy heater, there is a reason I paid for delivery! Grrr.

Mood: 😴

Better Late Than Shiver

So there's been a guide published this week (a guide that nobody should need in 2022, but here we are). It's a guide on how to heat yourself if you can't afford to heat your home. I mean... there is so much that can be said for this but there aren't enough words to finish, if I get started.

The guide suggested buying a heated throw, but I didn't find one I liked. I had a £50 Amazon voucher to spend, and I figured an ordinary throw would do if it was actually warm - but since I can't warm a throw on my main heater (it can't be covered), I've bought a cheap, small oil heater for the purpose of throw-warming and I'm going to turn down my main heating.

The £30 Experiment - let's see how it goes. If I halve the use of the main heater it should pay for itself in a couple of weeks.

Dinner: I bought a four-pack of frozen chicken steaks from Big Orange supermarket the other day, and at £1.75 I was not optimistic of a taste sensation, but it was absolutely delicious. As was the budget chocolate bar. I cannot say the same for my home-made custard pots, which, despite being made according to the directions, never set, and are just small serves of runny sadness. 😂

Fridge Full Of Scratch

I am determined (at least for this week) not to waste any food, and my fridge is still chock-full of vegetables. Tonight I made a salad, and then cooked prawns in a value-range curry with baby potatoes. I bought a bag of "wonky" baby potatoes from Big Orange Supermarket, but considering they are all tough-skinned, next time I will just buy an enormous bag of standard spuds from my own work for £2.

I still have 7 courgettes 😂 and just FYI, ruby red grapefruit isn't delicious in lemon tea. I feel like I'm drinking a warm gin & tonic. Going to try it in an OJ spritzer instead 😂

I've been far too slack in applying for market research and today I gave myself a stern talking-to about not upholding my end of the deal. Doing extra hours at work instead is certainly not easier and not better-paid, and I need to shape up. Speaking of work it's another week of pitiful new overtime on offer, so I've loaded up next week instead and will have six days in a row - not ideal, but mostly they're short days so I should be ok. It's proving hard to plan ahead and know whether I'll have enough hours available, so I need to take them whenever I can.

Spendy McSpenderson is eyeing up a cheap treadmill. I'm getting tired of carrying the extra weight and need to get my fitness back up. I'm not buying it yet, but keeping that web page open to remind myself to earn & save up the money. We will see if that makes me do it.

77.7%. Delightful.

One of these days I'll manage to refinance my loan... I'm with a bunch of credit history sites which all claim they'll help me save money and improve my finances. One of them warned me that I was "at risk" with my "expensive" loan currently costing me 11.5%. Ok, I'll bite, I thought, and did a comparison search since it seemed very confident it would get me a great deal to help me save interest. The "top rated" result offered me an interest rate of 77.7%. Sensational. Although tempting, I have opted to stay "at risk" and continue to pay my 11.5%.

Hopefully they will continue to send me thoughts and prayers. 😂

Yay Power Bill!

Not really anything "yay" about it since it's so horrific, and it's actually more money than I even have in my bank account right now, or will have when it's due mid-April. Due to the change in tariffs starting April the 1st, I did have to put in an accurate reading to British Gas. It only took me seven tries, but ultimately I was successful - if you can call it successful to have generated a massive, massive bill. I can't even access my account at the moment since their website has fallen over under the strain - but I think I've managed to submit a thingy to request a payment plan to pay it off. If not, I suppose it'll go on the credit card and get paid off bit-by-bit that way. Meh.

I have given up my last Olio slot and am trying to eat all the free salad stuffs.

Very chilly here the last couple of days, and it even snowed a few days ago, which is patently ridiculous and unacceptable.

Spendy McSpenderson: I have bought a yearly "local's pass" to Eden Project for £16 since I've been meaning to go one day and this is cheaper than a single ticket. It will cost me about the same amount in fuel to get there, but I figure I have a year to figure that out!

Be Careful What You Wish For

The scheduling system at work got fixed, so all the overtime was available. I got excited and decided to grab it while I could. I managed to grab a morning shift on the same day I was already working the afternoon. I now have a much longer day coming up than I would like, and am thoroughly annoyed with myself.

I went off to the Big Orange Supermarket near my work since I had a voucher to spend if I use one of those hand-held guns to DIY my shopping, so I decided to give it a go. Ladies and gentlemen there is NOTHING convenient nor easier nor faster about those stupid guns. I tried switching to the scanning app on my phone, but even signing in sucked, requiring me to memorise an 11-digit number because despite signing in with my password, it didn't know my loyalty card number and there was no way to scan it in. Who designed this system, one that has no consideration for the actual poor person using it - Rishi Sunak?

Anyway, you need two hands for the scanning (ugh), I didn't get my bonus voucher (I think it just expired), I forgot a few things because I was annoyed, I struggled with the stupid payment system at the checkout area, and it was definitely slower and harder than just taking a basket into the self-scan.

Bonus points to the stupid customer who asked me where the herbs and spices are (I was dressed all in black, with no nametag or lanyard) and who didn't get it when I said I had no idea and put my eyes back onto my phone.

Yesterday's saving grace: my work was selling mini bumblebee solar lights for a fiver and I have treated myself. It's definitely something I can't afford, but I feel no shame. I need to fiddle with my phone settings to get a decent pic once it's dark, but this is the box to get an idea: